What did I expect anyway?

Just the beginning,

really, she tells me...

But what if this isn't

what I think it is?

What if you're not

who I think you are?

What if everything I've ever hoped for

can't ever happen because

I won't stop caring about

what's really important to me?

I don't know who the hell I am,

other than what she says.

"How do you want to be, Olivia?"

Um...

What?

No one's ever asked me anything

like that before;

I jump a little when I realize

she's actually talking to me.

No matter that we're the only people in the room.

I'm still the least important

person in the world to most of them.

When I carried it inside I thought for a second

I knew what I was doing.

But...

I'm still a fucking chameleon.

My therapist doesn't lie awake worried about me, but

my band director does.

He's a lot of things, but not a liar.

Not me, though.

I'm a compulsive liar and a bad one...

at least I think I am.

Nobody's gullible

around me anymore.

Why does it matter so much?