"Hm..." I sighed, stretching out my slightly stiff muscles. I yawned and rolled over, expecting to find Roy, my boyfriend of two years, lying next to me like he had been last night when we had fallen asleep. We had been cuddling and sharing a sweet, passionate kiss every once in a while. It was one of the best nights we'd spent together. In my opinion anyway.
Roy was lying next to me, but he was facing the wall with his back to me, and he was fully dressed, which had me puzzled seing as he was only wearing a pair of low slung sweat pants last night. He seemed to be asleep, so I carefully shifted over to him and leaned up over him to place a kiss on his cheek. He didn't move, but I noticed that he was very much awake and staring at the wall.
"Baby, what's wrong?" I ask, slipping my arm around him so that I'm snuggled into his back. He heaves a sigh and sits up abruptly, sending me backwards, towards the other side of the bed. I frown and crawl over to where he is now sitting at the end of the bed and kneel behind him, wrapping my arms around his neck to rest over his heart. "Roy, what's the matter? Is everything okay?" I ask again.
Again, he sighs. "No, everything is not okay." He tells me as he pulls away again. "As a matter of fact things are far from it." Roy stands up and begins pacing bak and forth the lenght of the side of the bed.
He is really confusing me now. Ten hours ago everything had been fine and now he was saying that things were terrible. "Roy, baby, what are you getting at? What is going on?" I ask, hoping that maybe this time I can get a good answer as to his sudden foul mood.
He chuckles and runs a hand through his sandy blonde hair. "What's going on? I'll tell you what's going on. I'm tired. Of everything. Of you, of this relationship, of this place, everything! I knew this wasn't going to work from the start, but I listened to you and I have no clue why!" At the mention of being tired of our relationship and me, my stomach drops to the floor, because I have a strange feeling I know what's coming next. He truly seemed angry, something I had never seen from him.
"What are you trying to say here, Roy?" I ask, desperate to find out if he means what I think he means.
"What I'm trying to say and that you seemingly can't get into your brain is that,... I'm done here. We're through. Over. I'm leaving." He says.
He stands there looking at me, waiting for my reaction. I just stare at him, completely taking off guard. He wanted to leave after being together happily for two years. Well, I thought we were happy, but I guess I was wrong.
"Why? Why are you leaving now, after two years? I thought from last night and from the past six hundred some odd days that we were happy together. You're going to throw that alway without even trying to work it out?" I finally ask, voice slightly shaking.
He smirks at me. "I am willing to throw everything away because it meant nothing to me. You started out as a good lay, and I stayed with you because you were nice, but now I think its time that I move on to someone else. It was nice while it lasted but you and I both know that it wasn't going to last. You told me yourself that you thought that you would never find someone to love you. And you were right, because you still haven't, instead you settled for me, because you thought I was as close as you were going to get. Admit it, did you truly think that I loved you?"
"I-I...yes. I did think that you loved me and I love you. Why can't you see that!" I say, walking towards him. I try to grab his hand but he bats away my hand before I can get a hold of it.
He chuckles again, humorlessly, and turns to leave. I grab at his arm and hold tight. Roy shakes me off his arm so violently I'm sent sprawling to the floor, smacking my head on the foot of the bed. I put my hand to the back of my head to feel if its bleeding but it isn't. I can feel and lump forming already though and my ears are ringing from the force of the contact. Finally I look up at him from the floor with disbelief clear on my face and Roy just smirks down at me again.
"Pathetic," I hear him mutter before turning away once again and leaving slamming the bedroom door closed. I scramble to stand and run out after him, watching as he picks up a dufflebag with his things in it and leaves the apartment, slamming that door as well.
I lean back against the wall of the hallway directly acroos from the door Roy just left through and slide to the ground, feeling all the emotions running through me drain away and leave me feeling empty and alone again. Just like I felt two years ago before Roy and I had started dating. I didn't cry, I didn't even move from my spot on the floor for what felt like days because when I finally move all of my joints squeaked and cracked.
I stood and stumbled my way almost blindly to the bathroom and dug through the cuboards and drawers for the little blue bottle I hadn't needed in so long. I found it and opened it hastily, dumping two or three of the white and green pills into my hand and swallowed them without water, knowing I would need them when the numbness left and the dark, sticky, web-like fingers of the depression came crawling back to smother me.
Just as I could tell the drugs were starting to work, the numbness lifted and I felt the pain of heartbreak like someone was stabbing a white hot knife into my chest. Then, the first black web wound itself around my wrists, pinning me to the pain and I let it, for the first time ever. I let the depression just sink into so I didn't have to feel anything.