For Years Gone By
I could barely stand the anticipation of picking up my phone as I felt it vibrate in my purse beside me. I looked up to see the guy sitting next to me staring at me. He gave me a look asking if I was going to pick it up. I ignore him and tried to direct my attention back to the professor. It was really hard to pay attention to France History, the subject wasn`t exactly as exciting as hearing what Avery had to say. However on the other hand I knew it was just hard hoping that those calls were from Avery. He didn`t ever really call me when we got into arguments.
Finally the professor concluded his lecture with a reminder about our essay that was due tomorrow. Unable to bear the curiosity anymore I immediately threw my hand in my purse and feverishly tried to uncover my phone. It was days like these that reminded me how I didn`t need everything I thought I needed in my purse.
I finally felt the shape of my phone around my hand and pulled it out. I looked at the screen. It read one missed call: Avery. Part of me was excited that he called me first after our argument. It had been, days since I last talk to him. We don`t argument much but lately it seemed like the arguments had been going out of control and by that I mean about every little thing and consistently. The other half of me was immensely curious as to why he called. I didn`t know whether to call him back now or wait. I knew that it was completely childish of me to have these thoughts.
Avery and I had been dating for four going on five years now. There was nothing that I couldn`t talk to him about. I shouldn`t really be playing games with him like this. I decided to call him back. Just as I was going to hit the send button a text message came through. It was from him. I opened the message and it read, Need to talk to you, see you tonight at your place.
That short message left me a little baffled but I knew he probably just wanted to make up. As I thought about making up now I couldn`t even remember what it was that we had argued about. I started to wrap my things up to leave and noticed that everyone but the professor and I were gone. He looked up at me as my eyes laid on him.
"Did you need something Cassie?" he asked.
"No thank you, I`m just taking a while to get everything together," I smiled at him.
"Okay, well you have a nice day."
I was reading my history book when I heard a car door slam shut. I looked up and saw Avery getting out of his black Mercedes. I took a deep breath. Am I nervous? I shouldn`t be. I have been with this man for almost five years now. Why was I nervous about a makeup confrontation with him? It wasn`t like this was our first.
I got up, threw on my sweater that was hanging on the chair, and headed to the door. Avery was just reaching the door as I opened the door.
"Hey," I said. I examined him. Had it been more than a couple days since we last talked? It felt like forever. He looked a bit tired. The circles under his eyes were dark, his dark brown hair unkempt, and his tie loose. Despite the ruggedness of his current state he was still has handsome as ever. I had to admit that every time we argue I missed seeing his face. I missed the sharpness of his jawline, his straight slender nose, his dark brown eyes underneath his dark eyebrows, most of all his thin pink lips.
"Hey, I don`t have long, can we talk about here?" he asked.
"Sure," I said as I closed the door behind me. I wrapped my loose sweater around me and headed with him to his car.
He sat on the hood of his car and I stood in front of him.
"Where are you heading after this?" I asked.
"I gotta go meet up with some clients for my dad."
"Oh okay," I said waiting for him to start about whatever it was he came here to talk about.
He was silent and I noticed that he wouldn`t look me in the eyes.
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked.
At first he didn`t say anything for a while then followed with a shrug. Finally he looked up at me. "How are you feeling?"
"Just fine…but this conversation is really beginning to drag out."
He nodded his head. "Sorry, I just don`t know how to start this," Avery said as he crossed his arms.
"…Just say it then."
He cleared his throat. This was really starting to get weird. He was acting strange and I couldn't figure out why.
"I love you a lot Cassie," Avery finally said.
"I know and I love you too. I`m sorry we argued," I replied.
"I am too."
"So are we good?"
He didn`t answer and was once again avoiding my eyes. It was then that I realized what he came here to talk about. As the shock came spinning through my entire body I couldn`t say a word. But he was just sitting in front of me unable to utter a word himself. Finally the words slipped out themselves.
"…You want to break up with me?" And the tears came streaming down.
He turned and looked at me. The tears were streaking his face. "I just think we should give it some time. It`ll be like a trial break up. We`ll just wait and see how it goes…" He took a deep breath.
My chest started to tighten and I felt like breathing was the hardest thing to do right now. I wanted to sit or at least something to support me. I felt like falling. The tears were endless. I could feel them but I did my best to hold them back. It was a failure.
"Cassie," Avery silently said. "We…argue like crazy. And it hasn`t been getting better. We argue about every little thing because we`re so different….and most importantly we don`t want the same things. I just think that we should step back and give this relationship a breather…you know…give it a second look."
I swallowed to help the tighten feeling in my chest and wiped my tears with the sleeve of my jacket.
"And this is hard for me Cassie….to be here saying this to you. Trust me Cassie you don`t know how hard it for me to go through with this…but I thought about it so much these past few days and…I really think that it`s worth a shot… Please say something."
I waited for all the thoughts in my head to reassembled themselves but that didn`t happen.
"You`re right," I shrugged as I hugged myself tighter. As much as I hated this moment right now he was right. I could pout, I could scream, I could cry, and I could beg him to reconsider but I knew that we needed this. Nothing would change until we made change.
"…I`m really upset that we`ve come to this but I`m glad you see my point. I love you Cassie a lot, this doesn`t change anything, I just want us to have some time for ourselves…"
"I understand…we argue like crazy…I don`t even know why we didn`t do this so much earlier."
"Because we love like crazy too," Avery smiled but I could tell that it was a sad smile.
"…Well…good luck with those clients," I said to him.
He smiled softly at me. It didn`t meet his eyes.
"…And good luck in your future endeavors…." Avery said.
I stood there for a few moments unsure of what to do next.
"Bye Cassie," Avery said smiling at me. His smile then was as sweet as it could ever be. I knew that it was just the fear of never being able to see him as mine again. After this moment past, I would never know when the next time I would see him again would be. He got up from the hood and kissed me on the forehead. Then he got in his car.
I stepped off to the curb and kept on eyes on the sidewalk as I heard his car start. Would the right thing for me to do right now is stop him? Would the actions that I decided to take right now decide the fate of our relationship? A million questions buzzed through my head as I stood frozen on the side of the road.
Then my heart broke even more as I saw his hard start to pull away from the corner of my eyes. Before I knew it he was driving away and leaving me behind. The first thing that I thought to myself was what now?
It took every ounce of strength I had in me to keep myself from turning around. I couldn`t stand the sight of seeing her slowly disappear in my rearview mirror. She is my girl, my darling. I couldn`t be without her. I couldn`t recall a day where we hadn`t been together. For the last five years of my life she was there. It was afraid to know how the future would be like without here but I knew that I had to give this a try. If we were meant to be together then we would find a way back.
I finally pulled up to the hotel where I was meeting the clients for my father. Before I got out of the car I furiously wiped the streak marks from my face. As hard as I tried to get the image out of my head I could vividly remember the moment that the tears came pouring down her beautiful, little face. I could remember every single detail about her, her big green eyes, her dark brown curls, her pink, heart shape lips. I was her man. I was supposed to support and protect her not crush her heart and leave her behind. I felt like I had failed miserably as her boyfriend.
I shook the thought from my mind. This wasn`t the time for me to let these thoughts consume me. I did it for a reason. It was said and done. I should most definitely make something out of this. It had to be worth something.
I straightened up my jacket and redid my tie. No more thinking about this, at least not for the next two hours. It would be tough but it was something I had to do. Something we had to do.
Author`s Note: Sorry for any timeline mistakes or grammer errors that hasn`t been omitted. I write this story off of Word and have not had the time to double errors. This is my first time ever posting any of my work in public so I hope to hear a lot of feedback. Thanks for reading!