26

Lights come up on SAM, she is at home now.

SAM is pacing the stage, trying to hold back her tears as she starts her monologue.

SAM

She told me that I don't want to die. What does she know? She's not me, she doesn't know what it feels like to be in a situation every day where you wish it were your last but inside, and you know that it's not. I don't care what kind of degrees she has in psychology or sociology or whatever, none of those tells her what I feel. They teach her to know what I have, but not what to do about it. The only reason that I'm not dead yet is because of these stupid foster parents always holding me back, waking me up every morning in distress, waking me up in desperation screaming, "Oh, please, Sam, don't be dead!" but what do they even care? Just because they say that they care, it doesn't mean that I believe them anymore than I did before. All that I know is that it means I'll be stuck in the hospital again, while they figure out what the fuck I did this time and do whatever they can to fix me. But why do they even try to fix me? Do they not realize that I'm not a machine? You can't oil me a few times and then expect me to go home, all happy again and I'll never try again to kill myself. When I've been to your hospitals four times, I wonder why sometimes, do you even try? Do you even care anymore that I keep coming back, time and time again? This time, I'm not coming back. I'm going to some place better; you can trust me in that. I'll pick a plan that won't fail, I'll figure out something better.

(Pause)

Hm, look at that. It seems I can never pep talk myself into getting better, but I sure am fantastic at pep talking myself into just dying. It's not a difficult challenge, after all, to talk to yourself long enough to finally realize that this is it. You're so fucked up and now there's no more escape. There's no one who will cry at my funeral and even those who do, they'll get over it one day. My parents don't love me anymore, or else maybe they would have kept me, treated me with the love and care that I never got. I don't have any friends, because every time I go to school sometime during the day, between classes, I just break down and cry for no reason. Yeah, that's the girl who cries right there. So if I'm going to spend all my days crying, why don't you help me? Do something else than just shoving pill bottles in my face and saying "Here, these will help you." None have worked yet. I don't mean in the healing process, but in the death process. None have helped me die, just as much as none have helped me live either. I'm done with all this shit!

SAM runs over to a drawer, pulls out a gun and looks at it, holding it and taking a few moments of silence.

SAM

Well, this is it. I don't see a point in going on a single more day. I'm done with all of this shit!

(Puts the gun to her head)

DONE!

A gunshot is heard as the lights slam down.

The scream of a woman is heard as she weeps for SAM. Lines can be ad lib. for the woman's grieving.

Lights come back up, the four stools are back, but SAM's stool is empty except for a flower. MARIE, SHAWN and ALICE sit in their respective stools.

ALL

I'm done with all this shit

ALICE

I'm done with the bullying

SHAWN

I'm done with my father

MARIE

I'm done with all the pain

ALL

Because I pushed through

(Pause)

And recovered

MARIE

But now everything's falling apart again

SHAWN

It was already a pain to watch him beat me

ALICE

But to watch her fall

SHAWN

I just don't know if I can handle that anymore

ALICE

I thought she would stand here and help us

SHAWN

Even if she couldn't help herself

MARIE

Because we were all in this fight together

SHAWN

We wanted to push through and all see the light

ALICE

And Sam, she has seen the light

MARIE

She found her light and followed it, even if she couldn't believe that she would

ALICE

It's not a light that I want to see

MARIE

Not until I'm old

SHAWN

But now I'm not sure if I can hang on anymore

MARIE

I don't know if I can get through the struggle

ALICE

Of losing a friend

MARIE

Losing someone who helped me get here

SHAWN

And now she's gone the way I got here

ALICE

What do I do?

Lights up, REID is on her stool.

REID

It's alright to feel grief. You may not have known Miss de Wit very well, but you knew her enough to know the pain of knowing you'll never get to see her again. I'm sorry.

ALICE

(Standing up)

You

REID

Me?

SHAWN

(Standing up)

You did this

REID

I did nothing, Mr. Gusteau

MARIE

(Standing up)

This is all your fault!

REID

I assure you that I have done nothing but the same that I address you, in a manner that would have helped Sam get through this rough struggle had she listened to me for once instead of throwing out vulgar words that did nothing but stop her from healing.

SHAWN

You were the one who told her to die

MARIE

You were the one who challenged her

ALICE

You were the one who told her she wanted to live

ALL (except REID)

Now look what you've done!

REID

Once again, I tell you all that I have done nothing to hurt Miss de Wit. In fact, it is no one but her own fault that she has lost the sight of the world and she found that the only way to get through her suffering was to end her own life. None of this is my doing.

MARIE

Maybe if you cared

ALICE

Maybe if you tried

SHAWN

Maybe if you wanted to see her succeed

REID

I have done all that you have told me to do. I did care, I did try and I wanted to see Sam find a better life, but there's nothing that I could have done better.

ALL (except REID)

LIAR!

REID

Don't you dare use such foul words again me! I would never lie to you, there is nothing that I have to hide from you, and there is nothing I could have done or said to prevent Miss de Wit from taking her life. It is very unfortunate that we had to see her go, but it was simply the only thing that we could have done. All we could have done was watched and waited, it was but a matter of time.

ALICE

You heartless, soulless bitch!

MARIE

You never cared for Sam!

SHAWN

Do you even care

ALICE & MARIE

(Overlapping SHAWN)

What

ALL (except REID)

About me?

REID

Look

(Calming down)

I understand that you're upset. I would have been upset too, had I lost someone dear to me. But, you didn't know Sam as well as I did. You didn't understand the pain and the suffering that Sam had gone through as a child and throughout her life, it was only a matter of time. She has been in this hospital before and she never wanted to get better.

(Following lines overlap)

SHAWN

What kind of bullshit is that? Of course Sam wanted to get better! She knew what it was like to suffer like me. No one wants to keep going through this shit every day! We may have been in different situations, but that doesn't mean she doesn't know what depression is!

MARIE

How dare you say that about her! How dare you ever think that she didn't want to finally feel happy again, how dare you think that she was just looking for her easy way out. Sometimes we do that, sure, on impulse, but something has to trigger her to want to do that!

ALICE

You really think that Sam didn't want to get better? You really think that she was so unhappy that she just wanted to give up with everything that she was doing and wanted to just give up on life? Sam had people she knew she could rely on, and you couldn't have been one of them!

(No more overlapping)

REID

(Shouting)

QUIET! QUIET ALL OF YOU!

(Takes a few deep breaths and sits)

You don't have the right to spill out to me like that and blame things on me. I have nothing to blame for in the matter of Sam's death. I was simply doing my job and I was simply telling her how I felt.

SHAWN

And what was that?

REID

I told her exactly what you just told me. That she didn't want to die. I told her that if she wanted to die, then she would have been dead by now. So then she took my word, went home and took everything too seriously and now she's dead. And now, you'll never see her again. I hope you are happy.

ALICE

How can I be happy losing a friend?

REID

It's called radical acceptance.

MARIE

You want me to just accept that she's gone and move on?

REID

Yes and no. Please grieve about it; it's a healthy thing to do when you lose a friend, someone close to you. It's very okay to feel denial that she's gone and feel, almost hopeless, just like Sam did. She felt hopeless and felt that even though she wanted to recover, as you said, she felt hopeless and felt there was nothing she could do to recover. She felt as though all her problems were permanent and therefore she couldn't do anything to help herself. I want you to take this experience and use it as an opportunity to fuel yourself, to fuel your recovery and realize that you can make it through this. You all have great opportunities to reach and get out of this place. That's what you want, so get it. Do it for Sam.

DR. REID's light turns off.

ALL

I still hate her guts.

ALICE exits

SHAWN

How have you been?

MARIE

I don't even know anymore. I thought I was doing well, and then with this, when Sam left, I don't know how I'm doing anymore

SHAWN

I know what you mean. I was finally happy; you don't even know how excited I was! My father was caught red handed for all the awful things that he's done to my mother, for all the awful things he's done to me. I finally got to sit down and have a real conversation with my mom that wasn't being monitored at all times. It was nice, Marie, but, now that Sam is gone, it makes me wonder if I want my father gone.

MARIE

Yes, Shawn, you do want your father gone.

SHAWN

But how can I be sure?

MARIE

Shawn, your father put you through hell. He terrified you every single day of your life, Shawn you never wanted to come home because of your father. This is a good thing that he's gone, you can start a new, better, happier life.

SHAWN

But what about you?

MARIE

What about me?

SHAWN

How do you feel now that Bruce is gone? He tortured your life, yes, but in the end, did you not still love him?

MARIE

I don't know if love is exactly the right word, but that's different, Shawn. He may have bullied me, but he was my boyfriend. It's easy to move on without him, and it will be easy for you to move on without your father. It will be better for you. It may not necessarily be easy, but it will be a hell of a lot better for you, I promise you that now.

SHAWN

Thanks, but, sometimes I wish I could have seen him one more time, just to ask him a few questions.

MARIE

What sort of questions?

SHAWN

Well, why for one. Why did he beat my mother, and why did he beat me? Was he trying to get me to live up to some expectation that I wasn't fully aware of? Was his father ever this abusive? Maybe that's a missing piece, here, Marie, maybe my father was beaten. How do we not know that? I don't know anything about either of my parents, and to be honest, I don't even know my own heritage.

MARIE

Why don't you ask your mother, then?

SHAWN

Because it's not as satisfying asking my mom. How do I even know that she would know the answer?

MARIE

You'll never know if you don't ask, Shawn.

SHAWN

You think I don't know that? But, Marie, I just can't do it. At the same time, I'm too afraid to ever see my father. That look he always had in his eyes when I came home from school, ever since I was little that look used to terrify me. I always thought that maybe I'd done something wrong. And if my father ever got his hands on me again, I know that he would beat the crap out of me, he would punch me, and beat me and kick me until all my bones were broken and I couldn't walk anymore. I'm too scared to ever see my father again, Marie, but at the same time, there's this desire to go find him and sit him down in some small room and just look him in the eye. Maybe deep down, there's this sparkle in his eye, a sparkle telling me that he wish that he had gone back. A wish that he could try everything again, that he could make everything right.

MARIE

How will you ever know if you don't ask him?

SHAWN

How will I ever be able to ask him and not know he won't hurt me?

MARIE

(Walking up behind SHAWN and hugging him)

Shawn, one day, I promise you, you'll see your father again, and everything will be better. Better than before.

SHAWN

You think so?

MARIE

I know so. You want to know why?

SHAWN

Why?

MARIE

Because I did an awful thing too

SHAWN

(Turning around to MARIE)

Wait, what happened? You're not hurt, you didn't hurt anyone else, are you okay?

MARIE

Yes, Shawn, I'm alright, on the outside. But on the inside, I'm dying. I called my sister the other day, to wish her a happy birthday, and I was talking about you and talking about how I couldn't wait to get home to see her again. Then while we were talking, she said something to me that broke my heart, something that shouldn't have had happened. My sister has always been there for me in everything that's ever gone wrong. She was there when Bruce hurt me, and then she was the first person to know I was pregnant. Only two people ever knew that before I came here. She was one of them and she sat there, she hugged me and let me cry until my eyes were dry. Then when I came home and told her the baby was dead, she was there to comfort me again. Then she turned around to me, Shawn, with her news, and all I could do was walk away, let her deal with it all by herself. It was an awful thing that I could have done. And I want to make it right again. I want to call her and tell her, "Angela, I don't care that you're a lesbian. Mom and dad might not be very supportive of you at first but I can promise you, one day, they'll realize that they love you too much to ever turn you away."

SHAWN

Then why don't you do it?

MARIE

I don't really know – nerves?

SHAWN

How will you ever know if you don't tell her?

(Smiling)

MARIE

(Smiling back)

Thank you, Shawn

MARIE looks at SHAWN for a quiet moment before she grabs around his neck and pulls him in for a kiss, shocking him for a moment before he kisses back.

The lights go down. Lights come up on ALICE alone.

ALICE paces back and forth, trying her hardest to hold back her tears that she feels for SAM when she died. DR. REID's spotlight turns on.

ALICE

I've never really had anyone close to me die before. I mean, I've been so used to living on the streets this long, just coming and going as I please, it's so hard to think that I've lost someone so close to me. I don't want to ever imagine that Sam is gone. Part of it makes me want to turn around and just kill myself now. I still remember meeting Sam for the first time, the two of us were just talking and talking, and I remember my heart racing as I looked at her. Something about her just seemed so radiant and beautiful, even without her makeup on. Is it the fact that maybe I've finally gotten over the breakup with Brittany? Am I finally moving on and getting a crush on another girl? Finally being able to open up to my mom, too, and tell her who I really was. Yes, mom, I'm a lesbian, and guess what? God and Jesus love me so stop trying to force me to talk to Pastor Bachman. When I saw her on the weekend, she forced me to come to church with her. I didn't mind, I truly believe in the power of Christ, but what I wasn't expecting to come to church to was Pastor Bachman inviting me to come up and asking me how I was sinning. He outed me in front of the entire church, telling them all how I loved girls, and how my way of sinning against God had driven me out of the house, and it did nothing but pull me into more sin. I was sleeping around recklessly, and he told me he was afraid of me contracting some disease from the others. I wouldn't be surprised if I had AIDS at this point, to be honest. It really doesn't bug me because I have nothing to live for. I finally thought that maybe my mom had accepted me, she was ready to take me in as her lesbian daughter. All that happened was I sat and listened to Pastor Bachman give me different instructions, in front of the entire church singing "AMEN!" as he helped me move the Holy Spirit inside of me. But if I could get down on my knees and pray right now, do you know what I would ask of God? I would ask God that they see the light, that they finally understand that there is more to religion, more to life on earth than just a single sin. I mean, why of all things would homosexuality be a sin? It's love, and isn't that what Jesus came to earth to proclaim about? He told us, to Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself. But I tell you this: I did not feel loved going into that church and having people tell me that I was going to hell for all the things I did. I wouldn't ask God to forgive me, because I know that all the nights I prayed to Him before, asking Him to forgive me and asking Him to change me into a straight girl, he never did anything. Four years of praying that I would be straight, but God never answered my prayers. Want to know why that is? Because He loves me. My church and my parents don't see that, but I do, and I know that He loves me!

REID

(Smiling as she puts away her notes and nods approvingly at ALICE)

You do believe, don't you?

ALICE

In God?

REID

Yes, in God. But, no, that's not what I was talking about. You truly believe that you'll get better and get out of here.

ALICE

I believe that Sam is looking at me right now from heaven. I want to do a final deed for her: get out of here and live happily.

REID

Do you have any plan on where you'll go after you leave?

ALICE

No idea. I don't want to go home to the place where my mother is trying to make me love men, but I don't want to go back on the streets where I'm forced to make love to men in order to find a place to sleep for the night.

REID

Well, Alice

(Taking out her notebook once again)

I have a list of different shelters that you could always live at if you don't feel comfortable enough to live at home. I'd rather you lived there than having you live out on the streets again, that's for sure.

DR. REID writes down some different stuff on a new piece of paper before ripping it off and handing it to ALICE, who reads it over a few times.

REID

Maybe one of these places will interest you.

ALICE

And what do I do to get into these places?

REID

Well, we can always call for you from Havenview Hospital to find you a good women's shelter. You can go back to school and get an education, and go to college on a scholarship and get a job. You can get yourself back on your feet, Alice, and live the life that you feel like you can't live anymore.

ALICE smiles and starts to chuckle lightly as she folds the piece of paper and places it in her back pocket.

REID

I fail to see what's so funny.

ALICE

I misjudged you, Dr. Reid. When I first came here, the first time I met you, I felt like you didn't care about any of us. But now, I feel like you might just have a heart. Not necessarily a big one, but it's somewhere in there.

ALICE exits

Lights down. Lights up on MARIE in a stool, DSL with a notepad.

MARIE is crying, trying to write something out.

MARIE

Angela, I love you, please forgive me.

MARIE rips out the paper, crumpling it up in her hand and throwing it on the ground in frustration. She curls up with her knees to her chest and begins crying.

MARIE

Angela, please help me, I don't know what to do. I want to forgive you, I promise, but it's so hard to look past all of this. I can't even look past my own problems, so how am I supposed to help you through your own? How can I just look past tomorrow and see what might happen when I get out of here, when I finally have the help I need? What can I do for you, Angela? Just tell me!

A spotlight comes up USR on the raised platform and ANGELA enters, as though looking down on MARIE.

ANGELA

You already know the answer, Marie. Just listen to yourself.

Spotlight lights up on SHAWN, sitting in a stool DSC, JIM is on the raised platform.

SHAWN

Hey, dad, I've been trying to work up the courage to ask you some questions, but I've never known what to ask. I want to ask you so much right now, like, why would you ever hurt me or mom? What drove you to such madness to put you here. What will it take to finally push you over the edge and make you realize that what you did was wrong, what you did to mom and I was criminal? What will finally make you understand that you belong to be behind bars, not because of what you did, but so that everyone can be at peace knowing they'll be safe from harm, from you.

JIM

Maybe I'll never figure it out. Just take care of your mother for me. For her.

Spotlight lights up on ALICE, in a stool DSL, AUBREY is on the raised platform.

ALICE

Mom, I can't live at home anymore. Don't hold it against me, but I can't do it anymore. You don't actually understand what I'm saying, and I can't live in a home where someone is going to change me into someone I'm not. I won't go back to the streets, I promise you that much, but I'm not going back home, I'm going to a nice shelter, where they'll treat me well. They're also setting me up with an education again, mom. I'm going to get my high school diploma and maybe I'll even get a scholarship and I can go to college, get a job, maybe I'll raise a family of my own out of what I've got and what I've learned.

AUBREY

Just remember, Alice, that I love you, even through the bad choices you've made.

US lights go down.

SHAWN

I've learned a lot in my time here.

ALICE

Some of it was actually pretty useful.

MARIE

I've made a couple new friends along the way.

ALICE

I've also lost a few friends.

SHAWN

But I know, I can promise you right now, today, that big things are coming my way.

MARIE

One day I'll change someone's life for the better

DS lights shut down, US lights go up. SAM is standing USC on the raised platform. SAM gives a small smile and looks skyward.

SAM

Sometimes, I feel as though I already have.

THE END

JAMIE A. MUNDELL – Good Day, Dr. Reid