The pills slowly roll down my throte. I can all ready feel relief as my heart slows down. I look at my blue bird wallpaper,watching them soar. I've known these walls all my life,from the time I was brought home and thrown into the cradle. I highly doubt my mom or dad painted them,it was probably already like this when they moved in over 15 years ago. As my brain begins to shut down,I can recall earlier memories.
When I was 3,my dad had burned my wrist with a cigarette. He told the doctors a flame from the fire place came out and struck me. I had 3rd degree burns,and a bandage on my arm for 2 months.
When I was 6,my mom had left me at Wall-Mart. She had told me one day after that,that she had done it on purpose. And if the cops hadn't brought me home,she wouldn't of cared. I wonder..If I hadn't told the police were I lived,if I could have been adopted by a nicer,more caring and loveable family. Boy did I ever screw that up.
When I was 9,I ran away from home,stayed out in the woods behind my elementary school for 3 weeks. Neither mom nor dad called the cops. Come to find out,my teacher had. When I came home,they didn't say or do anything. Just stared in disgust,which was worse.
And when I was 14,my mom's brother raped me. My dad had walked in and seen,but just walked right back out. I found out later that I became pregnant. I hid it from my parents,they wouldn't have noticed anyway. On the day she was born,I had to walk to the hospital,I only got half way before falling into a ditch on the side of the road. She was born only 3 minutes later. I took her home to my parents,my mom sighed,but my father picked her up and threw her against the wall. She died instantly, Little Ruth Lee Collins.
A bunch more hurtful memories raced by in my mind. Finally..the feeling of nothing settled over me. No sadness,no hurt,no pain. JUST FREEDOM!