Sitting here is so different

To sit straight is what I was taught.

Never shout and never yell

Only in whisper are my battles fought

Never reach for what I need

Only ask for what they want

All my prayers they'll never heed

Because my life is what they haunt

There is no need for me to speak

So I won't

There is no need for me to understand

So I won't question

What they see is not what I am

But it is all they need me to be

So as I stare blankly ahead

I yearn for a friend,

A friend with a key

A key will be my savor

Unlock me from an invisible hold

This hold would never kill me

But I'll kill myself for becoming so cold

I can not move

And I can not feel

The food has become tasteless

Such a pitiful meal

No one will speak to this

This thing that isn't needed

I'm just a desire

A Seat-filler

An object

Dirt

I don't want this

"Please don't do this" I pleaded

Yet still I'm here

So many questions I had

But they stopped answering

So I stopped asking

Seasons have passed since that time

My position is the same

My life would be on that list

But they wouldn't see my name

Then you came

You brought a golden key

One that fit my frozen lock

Yet you could not turn it

And time continued to pass, tick tock, tick tock

My mind could no longer see

And my heart can no longer hear

To lay your sight on this side of me

Made my heart shed its final tear

You told me you loved me

So I'd nod

You said you were happy

So I didn't question

When you said you cared

I'd whisper okay

For this love we shared

Wasn't meant for today

I watched the others speak

Speak of nothing but their

Selfishness

I watched you speak

Speak of nothing but my kindness

Your words were ones they could not believe

For the me before them

Was not the one you knew

Kindness was not what they needed

Your hand was always there

Clenched upon the key

Waiting for the moment

To break the ice

In a silent moment you spoke

"The you here is the you I know,

The you there, is the you I need,

The you in your heart, is the one in mine"

You needed me to understand

So I did

You wanted me to speak

So I did

For the first time in awhile

My heart did not cry

Though tears wanted to fall from my eyes they didn't

They didn't need that

They didn't want that

I met your eyes

I did not yell

I did not shout

I did not smile

I did not stand

I wanted to

I needed to

But I couldn't

THIS me couldn't

So in a small whisper

I spoke with my throat

Not my mind which wanted to scream

Not my heart which wanted to love

Not with my body which wanted to be held

Instead I spoke with words

That day the key broke

When only I had spoke

Fault is something to blame

Lies are what put it to shame

Yet my words were what took my life

My words which took your heart

So much lost when words cut like a knife

And it was time for this me to part

The me that they wanted

I shouldn't have spoken

But I did

Then you would frown and look away

"Please only say

That kind of thing

When we are not

Sitting straight."