Something can be simple and sweet but that's only on the outside; the inside can be twisted and dark. The same can be said but the other way around. Some are blessed to just be one but a little lingers there inside some where. People wear a mask in order to hide what hides beneath while other just show it right out. Everyone seem have a reason to hide their true selves and seem like it's only their business if the chose to revel it.
A mask is what I seem to wear for seem like most of my life, but it's only half of its purpose, not a full one. People and friends envy me for it, for if they saw what truly lies beneath, I wouldn't know what they saw for I'm not so sure myself to be seen without the half mask. I guess I'm somewhat lucky then most for I don't hide with a full mask, for those who do never really know who they are anymore. I am half certain of what I am and I am not.
I smile at most things in the world but pity it with a smile that never seem real to me, no one notice the difference. I lived a normal life from the outside point of view and almost the same on the inside…almost.
The inside is cold and loveless, but in a way I give my friends a smile with a cheerful persona that seems filled with love. I live my life isolated with only a few friends around but if they get to close to me, I can't have that so I cut the line without warning. I hate dealing some feelings so it does seem easier to not to deal with them.
Sometime I tried to hang on to the line but it takes it toll on me to much that I just leg go to it. One of my friend I leg go of, for reason I wish I had better reasons to let go of was he fell in love with me. In my world of life I couldn't feel the same way…never again.
If I was young and shallow like my days of childhood youth I would have been fine with that, since he could bought me everything my heart's desires with hopes that I would give love back but if you call me heartless for legging go without a good reason then you should truly look at the heartless since I wouldn't be consider the only one.
For the ones that give there hearts too much to bear to those that only seek to harm it behind fake promise and smiles only to break them, over and over again. Once fill up with love to bear only to become loveless and truly a heartless.
But I guess in a way it would have been fake love on both side for he would love the fake smile that appears on my face and I would have to wear the full mask which I hate. Some days it would be real but unpredictable as the weather it would be hard on me if I choose to hang on to him.
Easier to leg go then to deal with it.
I missed my days of being shallow and being true to something that was so fake in life. I gain something real after I seen what I truly thought was real to be fake in the end, but like most things in life it comes with a price. The price of change paths in life from being a leader/bully to becoming a humble/kind follower. The people change around these fake people which I thought that were my friends were really not, I looked at them differently and saw how little they thought of themselves. They were like a fog around me and only stay around me because of who I was at the time. So I change my self and soon found real people but I was damage from the price I paid.
I am still in love with love but not for me but for other people, I want people to find their love for there true person but I hate the feeling for myself, for me it's like a window and on the other side is love but I have to break the glass in order to get but there are already glass shards on my hands, arms and on my feet from before that still bleed little so its easier I just look and watch from the other side of the glass.
My life can be simple and sweet most days but some days I just feel dark or twisted but never both at the same time. It depends on the cards and how they are played, from both sides.