Claire leaned forward in her seat and placed her clasped hands on the table. "Okay, look we all know she's lying but Nate isn't that type of guy so he decided to come home, okay? This is Francie's fault." She said everything so quickly it came slurring out of her mouth. "What? Francie? What are you talking about?" I could feel this pit in the bottom of my stomach growing like a cancer, making me feel sick. "Just keep in mind that everyone thinks she's lying including me." "Lying about what?" "her baby."
My heart stopped beating. It had stopped. Francie, the school slut, was having a baby. And Claire was trying to tell me that Nate was the father. How. Did. This. Happen? When did this happen? How long has he known? I felt sick to my stomach and by this point I was sure I was going to puke. I ran to the bathroom and threw up the small amount of food I had managed to choke down just a few minutes prior.
I emerged from the stall and Claire was waiting by the sink with a wet papertowel, she handed it to me with a weak smile. I took it from her and wiped my face and washed my mouth out in the sink. "I'm sorry." She squeaked out while staring at her beat up sneakers. "Claire, thank you for telling me." I didn't even know what else to say. It was a strange feeling, being told your kinda sorta long distance boyfriend got another girl pregnant and now he's home and doesn't even bother to call you about it. What?
I cleaned up a bit more and we decided to leave. I insisted on driving, it would give me something to focus on. "Look, I know that girl is lying. She's always been a super slut and hooks up with like every guy in town. She must've heard that you and Nate are actually making it and doesn't want anyone else to be happy if she can't." I knew for a fact that during high school Francie had been one of Nate's regular hook ups at parties so maybe when he came home things got hot and heavy again. I really wanted to give Nate the benefit of the doubt but if he was fucking her while he was flirting and kissing me, I don't think I could ever forgive him.
Nate knows how I feel about cheaters. Not that he was cheating on me. Well I guess it wouldn't have been cheating back then if we weren't technically together but, come on! He would come over and flirt and make out then what? He goes crawling to Francine Murphy for a good fuck? And now what, he thinks just because he doesn't respond to my letters we broke up? If he's with her now then that's cheating in my eyes. We never broke up. How could he? I remember when he stormed over here after Johnny and I had dinner, he did say he had just been on a date with Francie….
By the time I realized where we were, we had arrived at my house. "Look Mal, I know you probably are thinking that he's a dirtbag for cheating, or a dirtbag because he didn't write but could you please give him a chance to explain himself? I don't think anyone who cares about you, me included, could bear to see you leave again." "I can't make that promise Claire, I just can't."
I hopped out of the car and Claire followed. I grabbed my bag from the trunk and barreled into the house, Claire close behind. I gave Carol and my dad big hugs and then I headed to my room. I threw my bag on the floor not wanting to deal with unpacking just yet. Not knowing if I was going to unpack yet.
Claire's phone rang and she stepped into the hallway to answer, and returned a few minutes later. "Hey I know this doesn't exactly sound like the greatest idea, but do you wanna go to a baseball game with me? Everyone is going today and this guy that I've been talking to and I really need you to go, pleasssssssssseee?" I smiled a small smile, knowing that no matter what, this time I couldn't take it out on Claire and besides I loved seeing her happy. "Oh okay." Claire squealed with delight. Claire left saying that she would meet me at the baseball field, which was only a few streets over, totally walkable.
I collapsed onto my bed and tried to sleep. I thought about Nate, about whether or not he knew I was in town yet or not. If he didn't already he sure would after the game. Small town, news travels fast. And what about Francie? She was having a baby? She was only 20. What if Nate was the father of this child? How could he be so irresponsible? He just ruined his life. He ruined our life, what could've been. And this is the guy that I had set my standards for. Boy did I aim low.
By the time my eyes got heavy and my bed felt just right, my phone rang. Claire. I answered it as I slipped off my jeans and into my shorts and baseball tee shirt I had had since my early high school years. Threw on a pair of flip flops and was out the front door.
I had forgotten how much I had loved coming from a small town. All the familiar faces, the feeling of home that seemed to wrap around you and hug you when you were here. It was only a high school game but everyone showed up for these games. I waved and smiled at the faces I recognized, but no one really talked to me, because they already knew. It's not like these people weren't like that before, I kind of just bought a plane ticket and disappeared, I wasn't new to these looks of pity.
We grabbed pretzels, hot dogs, cotton candy, and giant lemonades before we sat down. game started with a pimply plump girl singing a mediocre rendition of the national anthem. The game started and we got sucked in, the team was good for a high school team and their opponents were fairly matched. During the last inning I heard a group of rowdy looking guys, who looked a little too old to be high school down the row from us. They had gotten gradually louder and louder throughout the game and I was certain they were drinking the special lemonade, if you know what I mean.
I finally snapped. Their shouting and whistles was unbearable. "Um excuse me, guys could you please settle down, this is a high school game, not the MLB" the biggest guy turned "um excuse me little lady, but you should proba— MALENA?" I had no idea who this guy was. How the hell did he know me?
"Mal, it's me John Montgomery." Nope, doesn't ring a bell. "um hi, how are you?" "you have no idea who I am do you?" "nope" "I'm Johnny, from high school. You know the 450 pound Johnny?" "OH! Wow!" I asked dumbfounded that this could actually be the Johnny that was winded by a walk down the hallway. He had lost a ton of weight. "You look great!" I added to make it sound less awkward.
He chuckled and his still puffy cheeks got red "gee thanks Malena." "well I was taught never to lie, so don't anyone tell you different." I began to turn my attention back to the game, when Johnny looked back at me again, "you know I'm real sorry." "Thanks Johnny, it's been a rough time for me but it looks like things are starting to get back to normal again. I just wish he was here to watch the game with us." After that Johnny got a real weird look on his face and sat back down.
I turned to Claire and gave her the okay-hes-still-a-weirdo look, "what the hell was that about?" Claire just stared at me and smirked "what? What are you smirking at?" she began to giggle "why are you laughing? Claire, what?" After Claire laughed for what felt like 15 minutes she wiped away her face.
"You can be so dense sometimes." "What are you talking about Claire, he was being nice asking about Sam like that!" "Malena, he wasn't talking about Sam, he's talking about your situation with Nate." "Are you serious? Are you sure? I thought he was talking about Sam!" Claire burst out laughing again and I couldn't help but chuckle with her, until I finally couldn't contain it. I started laughing about how the whole town knew, before me! I found out about this less than three days ago, how long had they known? This town was ridiculous.
As I slowly regained control of myself I stood up and crawled across Claire to the aisle, "okay, I'm gonna go find Johnny and let him know that I'm not a serial killer crazy ex girlfriend, plus I gotta pee." I took a few steps up and practically ran into someone.
"oh sorry, my ba—" I stopped dead in my tracks as I looked up into the face of the one person I didn't want to see. Nate. My heart froze and I forgot how to breathe. Despite what the last few hours had revealed to me I still had this urge to reach up and throw my arms around him. I didn't and he didn't move either. His eyes were cold and distant.
I'm not sure how long we stood there like that, in silence eyes glued to the ground. "Sorry" I croaked out and pushed past him and practically broke into a run as a neared the top of the stairs. That's when I saw her. She was different, something about her face, more plump then I saw it. I saw the growing bump that protruded from her stomach. Francie. I stopped and got a good look at her then I glanced back at Nate. He had turned around and was looking up at him. Francie noticed me, and her face got red and flustered she looked around for a place to escape to, anywhere to go but the six steps towards me where she would have to talk to me. Explain to me what happened.
I never saw where she went because I turned on my heel and headed towards the exit. Claire ran after me, shouting for me to wait. I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait for him anymore. I reached the exit and headed in the direction of my house by the time Claire caught up with me. "I'm so sorry! I had no idea he was going to be there!" she panted out. "Claire, it's not your fault. It's a small town, it's bound to happen I guess." I said trying to choke back the tears. It hurt so bad.
It hurt that he had made a mistake yes, but I don't blame him for that. I don't blame Francie. I don't. But I blame him for not being man enough to tell me himself. Not telling me that he couldn't be with me anymore. I really felt like I had lost Nate, my only best friend left. I had lost him because I decided that a relationship was more important.
If we had never tried to be whatever we were then it would've been different it just would've been he fucked up and got a girl pregnant, we would've just absorbed her into our lives and everything would've been almost normal. Just no Sam. Boy I needed him right now.
Before I knew it Claire and I had ended up in front of her house. The house Sam had grown up in, lived in. This was his house. "Do you think I could come in?" I blubbered through the tears I hadn't realized had been falling for a while now. "Of course" she lead me into the house and it was different than I remember it. It was darker and a lot messier. The curtains were drawn even though the beautiful sun was shining outside. There was a strange smell to the house too, if gloom had a smell this was it.
"I've tried to clean up but between trying to take care of my mom and school and work, it's been rough." Claire murmured quietly looking at her shoes. Instead of responding I pulled her into a big hug. I hated that she was going through this. I hated that Sam died. Why did he have to die and leave her here with all this? My tears now fell for Claire, then there were a few more for Nate.
The rest of the afternoon was spent lying on claire's bed ranting and raving about how upset, angry, sad, and furious I felt about Nate. About what we were doing with our friendship. About what Sam would've said. Claire cried too. My heart broke when I thought about Nate, but my heart broke ten fold when I thought about how she was all alone.
Then around midnight we had cried all of our tears and fell asleep, curled up on Claire's bed. I've never had a real sister before, but that night I felt like I had found my person. My person, my friend, my sister. I woke up around 3 a.m. I tossed and turned but couldn't fall back asleep. I finally gave up and headed downstairs. I entered the kitchen looking for a clean glass to get some water with but found nothing. I decided to just pick one up and give it a quick was. Then that turned into a sink load of dishes, which turned into scrubbing the dirty pots and pans on the stove and scouring the counters of their stains and marks. Before I realized what I was doing, the kitchen was spotless, I had even dusted the floorboards.
I started a pot of coffee then started in on the living room. I picked up more dirty plates, magazines, books, mail. I vaccumed and windexed. Then I started the laundry. Next I moved to the bathroom. The dreaded bathroom. Thank god for latex gloves and masks. I cleaned the bathroom head to toe. Just as I finished, Claire stumbled down the stairs. "What are you do—wow!" "I couldn't sleep so I decided to get a little cleaning done." "Well damn you should sleep over more" "haha very funny, don't make a mess in the kitchen I JUST cleaned it."
I moved upstairs to the guest room, but when I creaked the door open I realized that this was a room someone used on a regular basis. Maybe this is what Claire was talking about when she said sometimes her dad doesn't come home. Maybe this has become his room. I tip toed back out and closed the door. I did my best cleaning everything else then headed downstairs to find Claire with a cereal bowl in hand watching t.v.
After having some breakfast I hugged Claire good bye and walked home. The sun was unbearable already and it was only 10 in the morning. I needed a shower. The cleaning products and the heat were uncomfortable on my skin. When I turned the corner I looked towards my house and there was that infamous blue truck sitting in my drive way. I wanted to turn around and go back to Claire's house. I wanted to just run away and be anywhere but there, with him. But I know what I needed to do, I needed to talk to him.
I walked to my front steps and stood there and looked up at him, slouching against the post. "Hi" I said trying to keep a neutral tone. I don't want to be angry with him. I don't want to be angry with him. I don't want to be angry with him. The mantra on repeat in my head. "Hi" he said with a small smile, he looked up at me and for a split second my stomach did a little back flip and I saw the Nate I used to know, the Nate I saw in high school.
"Look Mal, I know you must be so fucking pissed off at me, but if you could please let me explain." I did my best to remain calm. A huge argument wasn't going to solve anything. "I'm listening." With that I brushed past him and into the cool shade of my house, Nate followed. In the kitchen I poured myself a glass of sweet tea, "you want a glass?" he shook his head and motioned to the kitchen table. I nodded curtly and sat across from him.
"you said you wanted to explain, so this is your one and only chance." I said coldly. "Okay look, Francie wrote to me a few weeks ago, saying that she found out she was pregnant and that she thinks it's my baby. I didn't believe her, so I told her to forget it then I was asked by superiors to take a few weeks off to deal with my legal matters. She sued me, she fucking sued me for failure to provide a paternity test. She went to my fucking employer, she went to the military so I had no choice but to come and sort the issue out. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to doubt me."
"So you think it was better for me to find out from my father that my boyfriend or whatever the fuck you are was home from being deployed and didn't tell me? Do you know how humiliating that is? Do you know how hurt I was?" Nate sighed long and hard. "What was I supposed to say Mal? 'oh by the way, Francie says I knocked her up kay bye'" "I deserved the honesty of my best friend."
He paused and tapped one of his fingers against the table, with a serious look in his eyes. "Mal, I don't know what to do, okay? She says that I'm the father of her child and I did what I thought was the right thing to do." "Are you that baby's father?" I didn't want to know the answer to that question. "I never hooked up with Francie after me and you got together, I would never do that to you." Well that wasn't the answer I had been hoping for.
"Well I guess this is it for us, huh?" I asked tears fighting there way to my eyes. "I don't want it to be, but if you want that then I want what you want." "What I want is for you to have never hooked up with her in the first place. What I want is to go back and change everything." I couldn't hold it back anymore, I was angry and I had to get it out. "I want to go back to before me and you decided the greatest thing we could do was date, pfft what a fucking terrible idea. What I want is to go back to my life before I lost both of my best friends." Then I don't what came over me but it just came out of my mouth, harsh and biting "what I want is to go back to that day, what I want is for you to die instead of Sam. Sam would've never done this to me. Sam would've just been my best friend. Sam wouldn't have put his dick in Francine Murphy." Nate sat there stunned, by this point tears trickled down my face but I ignored them "If you had died and Sam had lived, you would've been a footnote of our lives when we used to be friends with the poor dead kid. So I'm not so sure you want what I want Nate." I let a beat pass before I stood up and walked to the front door, "it's time for you to go, and please don't come back." Nate stopped right before he reached the threshold and reached for my arm but I pulled away "don't touch me" I spat and he left with sad eyes.
A/N: here's another one :) sorry for typos and any confusion I really wanted to get this out ASAP. What do you guys think? Too emotional? Too soap opera-y? Let me know!