Black Back Pack House

Run Away

"You'll never be any good!"
"Well, maybe I should just leave!"
I lean down and snatch my things
Already in a black backpack
The sensation of stumbling out
Dizzily into the cool streets
Of a winter-filled neighborhood

I turn around as the door slams
My home, or I should say
The place I was raised
No longer where I live
I feel no sense of sorrow
Only relief, mixed with lonliness
What now?

I shiver as the snow falls
It melts on my bare legs
Now is a good time as any
To find that place
My best friend
Told me about
Some time ago

It wasn't long after dodging street lights
That the police find me in the snow
Trying to keep myself alive, not very well
Nearly frozen to the bone
I am taken into their station
To be questioned
I am clearly a runaway
My backpack gives it away
Plus the late hour

"What are you doing out here like this?"
One of the officers asks me gently
No yelling, or demanding
He was being so kind
I give out my muffled answer
"I was running away, sir,"
He took in my ill fitting clothes
I must look very thin to him
Or at least unwell
Because he showed concern

"I want you to go to this place,"
I looked up at him again
He handed me an address
I recognized some numbers
I knew what this place was
Soon after, I gave my thanks
And let him give me a jacket
Before taking my leave


The night is much deeper when I arrive
Snow covered steps lead to a door
I nearly collapse at the top
But barely manage to knock
I weakly lean against the door
The coldness consuming
Snow and wind biting

The door flings open
Warm, thick air rushes out!
I shudder in relief at the sensation
Someone pulls me to my feet
I am taken inside
That was how I arrived
At the Black Back Pack House

First Night

"Hi, I'm Tim," a soft voice said
I shivered and nodded
"Let's warm her up, Tim,"
In the kitchen, there is hot chocolate
It immediately warms my insides
I haven't had anything warm in months

"That makes seven," someone sighed
"You want to alert Natalie?" Tim said
I finished my drink, feeling exhausted
I wondered what they were on about
Tiredness throbbed in every muscle
Fogginess swirled in my mind
Everything was slowing down
Then faded to black


I awoke the next day
Knowing it wasn't a dream
Most of my dreams were nightmares
I calmly accepted this was my new home
After all, it was better than before
I was given something to fill me
And a warm bed to sleep in
A major improvement

I roll out of bed and get dressed
Tim is at the door when I finish
He smiles at me, joyfully
As if we were old friends
Rather than strangers

"I'll give you a tour, manager is away,"
I am led steadily down the hall
To another door
Not that there are many
In this hallway
Only eleven
I was able to count quickly
Eight bedrooms
Two bathrooms
And another door
I can't make out

"Alright, you are the seventh member!"
I look around at all the doors
Tim, Natalie, York, Susan
Rachel, and Valarie
Then there was a new door
It was completely blank
Others were decorated
"You have now filled the place,"
Tim said to me, pulling me back
Out of my thoughts

I wasn't allowed in other bedrooms
Without anyone's permission
Since I am a new house member
So, the tour ended there
And we went back into the living room
Also used as a large rec room
With videogames, TV, and more

"So then I was like...oh look, new girl,"
I entered the living room
Everyone stared at me
I looked at myself
Scars, everywhere
Deliberate marks
Arms, legs, and even more
Places seen and unseen
I must be quite the ugly sight

The Cutting Room

A few days went by
I got used to things
I did my chores
I kept out of the way
Everyone seemed so close
I felt pretty out of place
The unwanted outsider

It was nothing I wasn't used to
But didn't make me any less upset
I was feeling more and more alone
Though the house was filled
With seven other people
The crushing sadness
Only got worse with time
I couldn't avoid the thoughts
At lunch on my fourth day
It was becoming too much

"So, there's this room called the Cutting Room..."
I perked up instantly...really? Was Valarie serious?
Perhaps this could be my escape at last
"I go there all the time, it helps me,"
I look over at Natalie and note her scars
Definitely am not alone here!
The temptation was growing
"At the end of the hall, right?"
Tim was in on it too!

I was quick to leave the room
Not bothering to look back
I wanted to cut
Now that I knew I could
And no one could stop me
Because no one really cared
So this was my chance
For a little relief

I raced down the hallway
Letting the door shut quietly
All around, sharp objects
Lighters and objects to hurt with
It was my personal heaven
Eight years of this
Now only to make more marks

The blade was in my hand
Suddenly, I couldn't move
Tim, then Valarie and everyone
Surrounding me in a hug
Six people, more than ever
That have touched me this way
A few silent tears fell
I let them take the blade
After eight long years
Someone cared enough
To stop me this once