A Beauty We Can Only Dream Of

Every night as the sun disappears from the horizon; I look into the night sky and wonder if anyone is out there looking back at me. I wonder if anyone is studying our planet like we try to study theirs. I'd like to imagine there is a race out there in the stars that looks out and wonders if they are alone like we do. I stand on the back porch and sip my coffee as I ponder this question; the question of questions, the question I will never know the answer to. If only I had a means to communicate with those outside our realm, to know that we are not alone here, to know that there are things unseen, to know humans are not the only beings I have to exist with as disgusting as they are. As the last drops of coffee slide down my throat, I realize these things I ponder are just a waste, I could be focused on my project, I need to focus on my project, no more of this daydreaming, this needs to be finished or it's the end of me and the end of this life I wish to escape from.

I walk inside through the sliding glass door, the dim white light of the moon illuminates the dark room just enough for me to make my way to the computer desk. I light the candle next to my computer and sit down to start working. I ask myself if this is what my life is to become, hunched over a computer, mindlessly typing code for hours on end, wasting away in front of a screen never to know what it's like to really live. I had always wished for something better than the day to day, nine to five. But the goals I wanted I could not achieve, my father forced me into the life I lead now, the same life he has had the misfortune to endure. For the sake of further procrastination I begin to aimlessly browse the internet in search of an interesting current event. "Scientists Discover a New Earth Like Planet," the article reads, as this intrigues my curiosity I keep scrolling through the article, "Could there be a life sustaining world out there much like ours? And if there is what does it mean for humanity? Scientists at an observatory in Rock Hills, Arizona think it is a possibility as from what they have monitored about the planets distance from its sun and its atmospheric conditions, it may have water and land mass." If only there was a way for me to get there, to find a new life, to see this strange place, to know the beings that live there. As I continue skimming through the article, my eyelids begin to feel heavy, a feeling of exhaustion like no other begins to overtake me, as I take a last glimpse at the burning candle on my desk my head hits the keyboard and I drift into darkness.

Nothing but darkness…pitch black all around me… a glimpse of light in the distance… it grows closer… it grows brighter… the light is coming towards me… faster and faster… brighter and brighter…. I must shield my eyes, the light is too bright… it hits me… and suddenly I feel warm and free… complete solace… total happiness.

I awake to the sound of water running, how could water be running? I'm in my house, asleep at my desk. I'm at my computer, failing to work on my project. As I begin to open my eyes, I shield my face from the bright light of the sun, but not just the light of one sun, the light of two suns, one large with a light red tinge, and the other small and white. I can't believe what I'm seeing, this isn't possible, there's only one sun, one sun and one earth. I stand up only to find that I'm completely naked, a feeling of embarrassment overtakes me and I quickly put my hands over my genitalia to hide them from… no one. There's no one here, I can totally just be naked, I uncover myself and feel the cool breeze run through my hair and over my naked body. I finally feel free, I begin to look around and study my surroundings. A beautiful clear brook flows next to me, the trickling sound of flowing water fills my ears, seemingly never ending trees extend to the heavens all around me, the smell of fresh flowers seeps into my nose with an almost perfume like essence. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to get as much of that wonderful smell into my nose as possible. A wave of ecstasy overtakes me, rushing over my entire body like no pleasure I've felt before. The feeling is so intense that my eyes roll into the back of my head, I feel myself falling backwards but I'm so paralyzed by this wonderful feeling that I can't control my body. Just as I expect that I would be overtaken with pain from hitting the hard ground… nothing.

I feel no pain at all, it's as if I'm floating above the earth, suddenly my eyes burst open and the bright light blinds me once again. I squint my eyes and cover my face, but some invisible force pushes my arms to my sides. I close my eyes as to not be blinded by the intense white light, but the invisible force opens them. The light pierces my eyes, but I no longer feel the pain in my retinas like before. As my eyes adjust to the light I begin to turn my head from side to side to see where I am, there is nothing but white all around me, as if I had been suddenly transported into a completely blank plane of existence. Could this be heaven? Am I dead? As I continue to stare into the seemingly infinite space before me, I start to see something coming towards me, it seems to have appeared out of thin air. As it gets closer to me I realize it's a small blue butterfly, gently flapping it's wings and coming straight towards my face. It softly lands on my nose and seems to stare directly into my eyes. It's beautiful blue wings rest softly upon my cheeks, a feeling of peace overtakes me, as if I'm ten years old again, playing in the backyard with my dog, not a care in the world, not a worry in the world. Then just as soon as it landed, it flaps its wings again and flutters off into the never ending white. I don't want it to go, I want it to come back, to be with me, so I can feel that feeling again and forever. As I glimpse the butterfly leaving my field of vision, the white that surrounds me starts to darken. Slowly the light starts to dim, and the white goes to grey, and the grey to black.

Pitch black darkness all around me, nothing at all for my eyes to see, I begin to feel a bit frightened, no sound at all, just the buzzing of complete silence. And just as I began to lose all hope of the beautiful feelings I felt coming back to me, an explosion of orange light, like a fourth of July firework surrounds me. Streams of orange sparks fall like the branches of willow trees, it was the most amazing sight I'd ever seen. Nothing could compare to the beauty and splendor of it, the steams of sparks falling all around me down into the black abyss under my feet. "You have nothing to fear anymore my love," an angelic voice whispered in my ear, I quickly spun to see where the voice was emanating from. A wonderful goddess of a woman floated before me, the streams of orange sparks spewing from her outstretched hands.

"You can stay here forever with me," the words seemed to be whispered directly into my ear, yet the woman stood before me mouth closed, eyes of the purest blue staring into mine.

"I want to stay with you here, I want you to be my queen and I your king, I want our love to be eternal, and I want these feelings to be with me always." I said to her as she stood motionless staring into my eyes, hypnotizing me.

"You can be here with me, but you must do something first,"

"What is it? I'll do anything to be with you."

"You must continue your life as you want it to be, not as anyone else would have you live it, and when you've completed this task, and done what you must, then and only then can you come back to this place, and live forever, feel those feelings and be one with the light."

Darkness again…silence again….fear again….sadness again.