Fuck You [A love poem]
I starve myself of want;
I will carve out the need to want from
my bones until they're hollow enough
for my blood to flow freely again.
I will destroy myself.
Loose ghouls and fools free
from my fingertips; braid fairytales
through my hair in the evenings
when a bowl of soup is enough
to keep me warm, pool the spoon
before my mouth; blow the steam
from my life.
I will hover in open doorways,
Eat burnt sandwiches and drink cold
I will bury my eyelids in makeup,
I will reinvent myself.
I will hide myself away in the house
and teach myself to forget. Learning
a foreign language and me, and mine,
rather than us and ours.
I will read books I always hated,
and laugh at jokes that are not funny.
I will state my position on things, alienate
my friends, walk the sidewalks alone, open
my own door; fix it if it's broken; figure it
out; take care of myself.
I will not dream of you;
strange humid fragments of time, glowering
yesteryears will not creep up behind me in
the late hours when the shadows grow long.
I will keep going.
Wear your name like a noose, a
necktie too tight in conversation;
I will tell men now that I'm
not interested, too busy, not
in the mood, stay loyal to
I will flirt with everyman
in the room. I will kiss deeply,
caress jawbones; fuck a man
with my eyes from twenty paces,
I will do as I please.
I will turn every emotion off,
leave the car headlights on,
let everything die.
Throw everything in the closet
away, clothes that smell like me
when I was with you; disengage myself
from the turn of the seasons, grow
my hair long, and cut it of my own
I will say 'fuck you' and be done with