Hope you like this story. Might be a one-shot, might not. Either way, please read it all the way to the end. Or not. I won't stop you but yeah… slapstick humor is ahead so be prepared x3 (I should also point out that there might be love but not instantly. Maybe.)


The sound of your heart
Beating like the drum.
It's too much NOISE.


'SARU JONES!" Fat Eyebrow Naomi glared at me with two hateful eyes. And her fat eyebrows, too. "What is THIS?"

Ouch. The tone of her voice makes my skin crawl. It's clear she's been under too much stress. Maybe she should take up yoga or something. "It's nothing. Just a bunch of stickmen."

"Oh hoh, I CAN SEE THAT." She's flapping my notebook like I've just dropped the Holy Bible. "Did I make it clear to you that you have to pay attention in MY class? It states here," as she points to a poster of the class rules, "3. Pay attention in the class."

Okay, it doesn't specify that I should pay attention to her but seriously, when is she going to trim her eyebrows? They're growing into one huge monobrow. I know that monobrows are considered beautiful in some parts of Central Asia or whatever but here in the E.A.T Clinic it just makes Fat Eyebrow Naomi look like a violent sociopath.

Oh, great. Detention again. That's right. Shack me up with all the other morons. It's not like my education will get any better. I mean, how am I supposed to pay attention when the class is about… well, I don't know, about hamsters? How are rodents supposed to help me with my life? Except, you know, to actually figure out the difference between a hamster and a guinea pig.

But still, it does matter. Because here in the E.A.T Clinic, it does matter. Here in the E.A.T Clinic, we are weird and easily susceptible to the many dangers outside of our front doorstep. Everything from the SATS results to raiding-monobrowed mafia thugs. Which is why E.A.T stands for Especially Abnormal Targets.

I'm sorry, but how does learning about a rodent help me? I'm sure they're not THAT harmful.

I'm pretty sure Fat Eyebrow Naomi is swearing at me. I can't really here what she's saying because the bell is frantically ringing for lunch.


"You're late, Sakura Head." my best mate Crow greeted. "Sir Fishcake ain't gonna be happy." My usual detention teacher is Naruto, or Sir Fishcake as we call him. His other nicknames are Demon Fox Ninja and Ninetails. Get it?

"He's not in the room right now." I pointed out. Crow shrugged. He may be my best friend but even he's slouched off in detention than the rest of the troublemakers in here. "What did you get in trouble for?" I asked. "Oh wait, let me guess, you-"

"-stole something." Yellow interrupted, without even glancing. She was busy admiring a lemon. "Your hands are like ninjas."

Typical Crow. He was a kleptomaniac, which basically means he has a bad habit of stealing (or taking, as he would argue) stuff without him being aware of it.

Crow scoffed. "Excuse me, Miss Yellow-Lover. Your OCD with fruit is the weirdest trait of all."

"I don't love FRUIT, I love yellow. Isn't it why you started calling me 'Yellow'? Besides, I don't even know why your nickname is 'Crow'."

"Whatever. Why are you even here anyway?" Crow questioned. "Monkey and me are the regulars."

I hate my nicknames. My name Saru means 'monkey' so I can't really do anything about it. And 'Sakura Head' is just because of my spiky red hair. Everybody in the clinic call each other nicknames like we're superheroes or something. Nobody ever calls each other by their real name. That goes for the adults too, except we call them by their first name, which can really irritate them sometimes.

"Oh shut up, Magpie." Yellow remarked, now admiring a banana. "I'm in here because Sticky handed me an apple when I clearly said banana."

"That's why?" I said. "That's a sucky reason." Contrary to her name, Yellow is actually more cool as a chiko roll than a cucumber (besides, cucumbers aren't yellow anyway). She sure isn't all upbeat and cheery as a Carebear.

"Hey Monkey," Crow said, twiddling his thumbs. "Seen any ghosts lately?'

I shook my head. "Not really. If you meant wafting wisps of smoke then probably."

"Your ability is a lot more interesting than ours." Yellow said. "The fact that you can see ghosts means you might be a psychic."

Um, hello, I'm not an X-Men. Ability? More like a pain. We're all weird here in the clinic. We're just… freaks. In fact, I won't be surprised if they sell me off to the circus. At least Fat Eyebrow Naomi would like that.

My face had the look of a sullen cat. "Don't complicate things. I'm no psychic. I can just SEE ghosts. I probably need to get my prescription checked than perform a séance to bring back someone's dead cat."

Crow and Yellow looked as though they didn't want to hear it. They firmly believe that I will one day see ghosts without the confusing blur. And I'm not someone to stop them from hoping.


"Natsume Yoyo speaking." The girl was perched atop the second hand of the clock tower. It was dangerously high but the view was pretty.

Pretty deadly.

"Natsume, you know what you have to do, right?" The voice from the watch was stern. Natsume rolled her eyes. Of course she knew. The place for the ultimate scholarship was at stake. "Yes. I have to apprehend the poltergeist."

"Be careful. It's no ordinary ghost. We've reported that the target uses glue to trap its enemies. Not only that, but it can take human form."

Natsume rolled her eyes again. She already knew. Again. "I'll be FINE, Kenji. Stop pretending to be serious." Natsume said. The voice gave a sigh of relief. "Geez, at least let me worry about you once. Besides, it's in my nature. Oh well. Have fun hunting!"

The watch clicked as the connection disabled. Natsume stood up as the broken clock tower stood in Kikazaru. She picked up the poltergeist's wavelength.

"Found him." She held up her rifle gun, silver and long and loaded it with soul bullets. "The location is… E.A.T Clinic."


NEXT CHAPTER... (Keep in mind that I might not do this 'next time' thing if I haven't done the chapter yet. But yeah.)

CHAP 1: Monkey and Octopus

Bummer. I lost the wavelength. The poltergeist must've entered into its human form. I sighed frustratingly. The location was at E.A.T Clinic, and then it went from there to… I'm concentrating… Wait, for it… Eh?

X-Soul Candy?

What kind of name is that for a candy shop?