The tragedy of this world is not the lack of love, but the great amount there is. How if only we could only not feel the love in our hearts... how, if only, we could manage to not see human beings as what they are not. If only we could love not, then there would never be another tear in this world.
This love is what has driven me to the edge. If I had only learned to not care about that person, then I would not be foolishly standing here. I would not be tying a rope to a large rock as I stood upon this bridge. I would never have sought to destroy myself had I not loved.
Oh, how pitiful I must be to the eyes of you. However, I must make you see that it is even worse than what you behold. I have long since stopped loving myself, so it does not matter how negatively you look upon me. I do not matter in this realm.
I look over the edge down to the water. The current is running too fast for me to be able to see myself, but it's just as well. I had seen myself as I used the restroom for the last time. I had taken a good look at myself, knowing this was to be the last time I would see that sorrowful face.
I looked up to the stars and felt a sudden rush of dysphoria coursing through my body. I had hoped to make a dramatic exit and it had supposed to rain. However, much to my disappointment, the world seemed more calm than it had ever been. Surely no one would now notice my disappearance.
I looked over to my right and felt a cold smile find its way onto my face. The flowers that bloomed there were none other than Camilla flowers. In my attempt to escape the thought of you, I found you following me once more. I found myself feeling even more determined to end my life now, as though that person was watching me now. As though I could cause that person pain as well.
Oh, how I have loved and lost. Many would grieve yet love again, but I have found that my heart is not yet aware of how to do that. I miss so terribly that world where you and I laughed together, played together, talked together... nay, not just us two, but how I miss all that I have came in contact with. With the lightest of touches, they have all disappeared from my eyes.
I crave now more than ever to regain those happy times. To see my mother, to see my father, to see my sister, to see my grandmother, and, oh, how I yearn to see you. I had not known the feeling of true loss until that fateful day that you were stolen from me. How I have cried for that softest of smiles, those gentlest of touches, those sweetest of words... yes, how I have cried.
I heave the rock upon the top of the bridge, eyes unable to break from the water. Soon I would be with those dearly departed. I would be able to smile again. Oh, what a glorious thought that was. I was unable to recall the last time that my lips had curved upwards, so great was my grieving.
I hoist myself upon the ledge, sitting upon it for a moment as I pondered my last moments. I will die without my first date, my first kiss, my first time... oh, how tragic that was. If only I had realized sooner how greatly important you were to me, perhaps I would not have been on this path. Perhaps you would not have laid down your life for my own. Perhaps I would be sleeping next to you right now.
Ohhh, how so many what ifs plagued my mind. I began amusing myself with these thoughts, picturing a life where the two of us had gotten married, where we raised a child, where we grew old together... I found myself unable to entertain these thoughts much longer. I coveted the idea that I would see you again so very soon. I could no longer hold in my desires.
The river ran only somewhat fast. Despite this and despite it not being very wide, I knew it to be very deep. I myself had swum in it many times, attempting to reach the murky bottom.
I tied the rope that was attached to the large stone to my ankle. I stroked the rock affectionately, as one might do to some form of pet. This was so much better, though... because it did not come to me with its own needs, it only care to help my own. Ah, what a beautiful and sweet thing for it to do...
I looked up to the gibbous moon, feeling its reflected light bathe me. The quiet of the small town was almost eerie, although it had a sleepy peacefulness to it as well. The park I was in was not a large one, with barely what could be considered a playground, but it was always green and beautiful. I only found myself regretting that I would dirty the river and the beautiful sight.
In the end, I found myself smiling. It was not a sad smile, not in the least. It was a smile of pure joy. How long had I awaited for this day to come, how long... and now, now it was here. Now I would finally rejoin those who loved me dearly, those who remembered me, those who surely cried being they missed her so. The end of her time in this realm had come.
Without a word, I push the rock off the bridge. A loud splash was surely heard by the sleeping creatures of the night, but I paid no mind.
I was finally at peace.
A/N- And then randomly this was written. I'll work on CB now. ._. This is just an alternate ending to a different story that I don't have up, nor will I ever have up here.