5/12/08

Dear Diary,
Today Doctor Colman told me I had cancer. I just kinda sat there in astonishment...I mean,what could I do? Crying wouldn't solve my problems,screaming in rage that I didn't deserve such a curse wouldn't either. Of course I wouldn't have told this to my mother..I was her daughter,and she loved me. If whaling and balling helped,so be it.
Mom stopped eventually,but when she looked at me,it wasn't the same. There used to be a warm golden glow in her eyes,a glow of happiness I guess. Now it's a sad horror stricken expression. And I have a feeling It will be that way.
"God? Why is my life like my 1st grade ruler? Starting at 1 and slowly going up,with bite marks,dents,scrapes,and chips along the way. But it's broke in half..Is my life going to end in half too?"
Their is so much I haven't gotten to do...Drive,go to high school,ride in an airplane,have a boyfriend,have babies,live a little. I'm only 14..14 is too young. How can a 14 year old,who has never done anything wrong,get breast cancer? My life hasn't officially begun yet. Why is it for the next year or more,instead of being a teenager,I have to live in a hospital? Nobody knows..What it's like I mean. To have this be in you,but having no where to go but up. What if I don't want to look up,maybe I'm to tired to look any where. Just to stay in a frozen position til up comes down for me. If you get what I'm saying...