The Unsent Letter

We were friends back in the day
Little more than kids at play.
We've grown up a lot since then
But I still recall the time we'd spent together.

I remember my first boyfriend
And when I introduced you to him.
I could've sworn I saw it then
Were you jealous of me?
Or were you jealous of him?

But that's ancient history.
It's in the past now and so were we.
It was years until you tried getting back in touch with me.

When I filled you in on what you missed,
I think I might've sugar-coated it.
Depression isn't something I want to admit.
It's taken me years to get back to myself
And I'm finally learning to walk again.
Baby steps.

I told you, "Subtlety's for strangers."
Pretending that we're not.
"C'mon. Just say what you mean."
But how can I expect honesty from you
When I'm too much of a coward to admit that I do
That I knew what you meant the first time you hinted at it.

I just wanted you to say it
Because I still need to hear it.
I want to know what you feel when you think about me
About lazy mornings in your bed.
Just what is running through your head
When you think about the last time we met?

"I won't go there," you laughed it off
Then dropped a hint to make me recall
What ended too soon.
Of course I remember you and that hot afternoon.

You're saying everything and nothing at all
Then you give me your number like you expect me to call.
And I do remember, don't be fooled
By that little act I tried to pull.
The 'innocent amnesiac.'

Maybe I want you to say it,
Maybe I want you to think it didn't mean for me
What it might have for you.
Maybe I want what you have.
Maybe I just want you.

But you're a mother now,
You're the divorcee.
And you have a boyfriend.
Does he know about me?
Does he know about you?
Does he know what you told me that night in your room?

I seriously doubt it.

Is that why you won't say it?
For my sanity's sake, don't make me write another one of these.
It's not like me to wax lyrical about the woes of my relationships.

But we were walking the line when I skipped out of town
The line between friendship and whatever we found.
I hope you know you've got me on shaky ground

And I'm begging you
Don't lead me on.
Don't let me down.
Just say what you mean.
Tell me what you want.
And tell me what I want to hear.

And please

Please.

Let them be the same thing.