It's odd to remember the nights we spent together. Do you… Do you remember those days, sometime between our hearts waking up and their descent behind iron curtains? We left so much unfinished. Children, we were children. During those nights, we thought we had forever. We grew up so quickly. It all got destroyed, in the blink of an eye. A snap decision by one stranger and nothing is ever the same, ever again. We thought we had forever. What happened to forever? Every long, drawn out second seems so short, now. Hindsight is twenty-twenty and all that.
What's left of you? I just keeping talking like maybe you can hear; I can't bear the thought of nothing being left behind your eyes. That night, we were going eat the last of my icy pops and watch the Indiana Jones movies. Remember? We were going to cuddle on the couch—God! That couch! I can't bear to see it anymore, you know. I gave it to a friend who was furnishing her apartment. Remember Annie? I think she's going to get the fabric redone. I threw up the first time I went to her apartment and saw it. I apologized over and over, but nothing could make the memories go away, and I had to leave. Your taste still lingers in my mouth. I hope I'll be able to eat mint chocolate chip ice cream again someday.
Mom thinks I'm spending too much time in this room. Eh. Whatever. I'm not sure I'm going to pass calculus without your help. Maybe I'll actually go to tutoring. It would take up a lot of time, though, and no one ever seems to be able to help the way you ca—could. Please come back… Please! I can't do it; I can't! I'm so sorry! Please, please, please! I won't ever ask you to come over when it's raining ever, ever again. I promise! I just can't do it… You made me promise to go to college, get a degree and buy a house one day. Do I really have to? All by myself? I promised, though. I guess until you tell me I don't have to, I'll try my best to stick to my promise. Maybe one day… Maybe one day you'll help me pick a color to paint our bedroom.
I have to go, now. I have a stupid essay to finish for English with Ms. Blaney. She's always making us write things. Honestly, haven't I proven I can write essays by now? Evidently not. I would sit here and write the idiotic assignment, but I left my laptop at home. I was kind of in a rush this morning. Perhaps I got too used to you calling to wake me up, because I don't do so well waking up with an alarm clock. Alarm clocks aren't nearly as fun as your voice in the morning. I really wish I could hear your voice again… No one says my name quite like you do. Do you miss me? I miss you. Come back, please. Come back and teach me calculus and kiss me every time I point out an error in your paper. You're going to wake up, right? I'll wait! But… I have to go off to college; you made me promise. How am I supposed to visit when I'm going to be living three hours away? I'll make it work.
I met a guy today. His name is Tim. He's an engineer, just like you wanted to be. He works with helicopters! I think I like him. Is that okay? I still miss you, but I'm so lonely. It's been six years and I still think of you every day. I still see your eyes, green when you've just woken up and almost black when you're really, really angry. Tim has hazel eyes; he's really rather cute. Sandy has your picture over the mantel. It isn't so hard to look at our photos, anymore. Every year, on our anniversary, I buy a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and flip through those albums. My hair is shorter now; I got tired of having to tie it back all the time. I sob every time, but I know you're watching over me. I hope you approve of Tim. He wants to buy a house one day. Thank you for making me promise to go to college, because my degree has helped me land an awesome job. It's hard to remember everything I promised you. Will you forgive me if I have forgotten a few things?
He's beautiful. He's so beautiful! I miss you. I hope you can see this moment, and I hope you're proud of me. When I start letting him visit girlfriends, I'm not letting him out of the house if it's raining. Be at peace, love. Please watch over him.