I have quite decidedly and unconsciously cut myself off from most emotions and any strong emotions. Happiness never lasts long, and it's more like amusement. More and more, I find myself so cold, heartless. Is it too many dark harry potter fanfics? Is it me? The scary part? I don't mind it. Being cut from emotion. I have no ties to America. Given the chance, I would leave. I am like a loner. A gypsy. No home. No ties. Emotional or material. Exception for my computer/Ipod/Internet. But even then, it is not a necessity. I scare myself so easily… Yet am happy for my self control. But I look at myself and think 'Who is this girl? So emotionally distant? So emotionally vacant? Who is this cold, suspicious, heartless creature? So calculating. So selfish. So self-absorbed. Doing nothing that won't benefit her in someway. Do I know her? Is she really me? How did she start cutting? How did she start purging? How did she get into a hole this deep? How will she ever find out?'