It Ends Tonight
I froze. It hit me like a wave crashing down upon my hollow head. How could I be so stupid? This was the damn place I met Alex.
I wanted to hit myself. It felt like a cold, icy hand was clenched around my heart. My tainted, sinful, unfaithful heart.
"Are we even still together? Or did you break up with me and forget to tell me? Or did you just cheat?"
"I don't know." I sniffled. "You haven't… talked to me." I hesitated, knowing how stupid the words were going to sound out loud.
"Since you met Mason at the pool that day… You've only talked to me once since that day." I didn't care how stupid it sounded, I blundered on, finally telling him how much that small thing hurt me. "I know your phone was broken for the first week, but even since then."
"Cam, my phone was off." There was no apology in his voice, only a flat line, void of any emotion.
"For four entire days?" Sarcasm, disbelief, all of these were purposely laced into my words.
"Yeah. Because somehow, that pig–" he pointed violently at Mason. "– got my number and started flooding my inbox with pictures of you that I'm not too happy about. And he kept trying to start fights. I got fed up with it and shut it off!"
"Oh." It was all I could say. This entire thing was a misunderstanding caused by Mason playing his stupid games again.
"I'm gonna go," Mason said casually, with barely any sign of awkwardness in his voice. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back towards the direction his house was in.
I slowly walked over to the swings. Idly putting foot after foot down, trying to sort through my buzzing head, needing to sit down. Looking at my feet and clutching the chains of the swing I whispered, "I don't want to fight."
Alex didn't sit on the swing next to me. Instead he stood in front of me, practically hovering over me. I felt like prey. "I don't want to fight either Cam, but this is just to much to let go."
"I know." My voice was very soft and small, so that it wouldn't break. My hair was draped around my head, hiding my face. I felt like the center of the night. Like the full moon was a spotlight pointing straight at me, like a finger of blame. Everything in the park was shades of black, blue and green, all barely illuminated by the moon's light. It must have painted a beautifully sad picture.
"I'm sorry," I said, knowing that wasn't enough. This wasn't just about the kiss. This was also about the pictures, and the stories that Mason told Alex, because most of them were probably true.
As if he read my mind, he replied, "that won't cut it."
"I know." The tears would not stop raining down. Alex was my whole world, and I already knew what was going to happen tonight. "I hope you at least know that I love you."
A heavy silence hung between us for a long time. After a while, he finally replied. "I know… I just don't know how much. I do know, however, that your heart doesn't completely belong to me."
The words hurt. My throat closed and I couldn't speak, even if I somehow found words to say.
"C-Camri," finally he was showing his fear. His sadness. Not just a hurt that's still absorbing and leaving you shocked and empty. An actual I'm-scared-of-losing-you hurt. "I think we should…"
"Break up." I don't know how I managed to choke those two words out. I don't know why I finished the sentence I was so afraid of and trying to put off. But I did, and he nodded, and then it was over.