I'm now offering for sale a brand new scroll written by my famous Aunt Zelda. I know there are those who might object: 'But you told us your Aunt Zelda was carried off by an infatuated sea goat two years ago!'
Well, if you said that, then you would be mistaken; that was my other aunt Zelda.
Don't you feel guilty for being so cynical and not believing the word of the village exterminator after all we've been through together? The good, the bad, the curses, the editing hats; that thing I helped you hold down and shave… ah, good times.
I, for one, am going to take the high road and graciously accept your apology. See, doesn't that feel better?
Now we can sit down and relax. Go ahead, sit down! Relax! I'm waiting…
Okay, now let me tell you about my Aunt Zelda. This particular Aunt Zelda (Zelda prime if you will) happens to be a well-respected researcher and a famous authority on the pantheon of the gods.
Zelda's work has appeared in many prestigious journals such as the Bitter Homes and Goddesses, and Dwarf Brothel Quarterly. Her latest work is a companion guide to some of her earlier scrolls.
-Ed the village rat killer
The Pantheon of Obscure Gods by Zelda
All the major human activities such as war, commerce or marriage have associated gods and goddesses but sometimes we forget that even the simplest everyday tasks have divine oversight.
For instance, have you ever had the feeling like a sneeze was coming on, but you still couldn't sneeze? They have a god for that! Does your dog kick his hind leg when you scratch his belly? There's one for that too!
Like uncomfortable shoes, gods always come in matching pairs, opposite but eternally bound in struggle. And even though they don't want to admit it, it's clear that neither side can win. There has to be balance in the heavens otherwise one cloud might get too heavy and cause the whole sky to flip over!
Don't worry, that's not really going to happen because the whole system is practically foolproof and well organized on the principle of opposites. For example: If one god is good, male, short and cold then the opposing goddess will be evil, tall, and hot.
The major gods and goddesses of the realms rightfully get plenty of attention, from devoted clergy to massive temples and holidays. The purpose of this guide is to familiarize the reader with some of the lesser known deities.
I have included a brief description of their spheres of influence and how you can worship them if you care to. So I invite the reader to flip through the pages and get to know some of the not so mighty gods and goddesses that most books ignore.