My beautiful deliberate cranial blackness-
An expanse of nothing where I wallow and bathe.
I remember nothing.
Peel away the heavy layers of memory,
Shake out their dust and still,
Then it begins; a dull ache,
An incessant throbbing.
And then burning and bubbling all at the same time.
Simultaneous drowning and fire.
Up and up it travels,
Further and further up my throat.
Stifling me, slaughtering me.
I cannot breathe.
Tiny hot daggers pour down my cheeks.
A gaping crevasse opens and the fire runs out of my mouth with a life of its own.
I breathe it out slowly and then
Faster and faster
It flies through the air.
Meshing with my daggers to produce a maelstrom
That twirls around me; taunting me,
Laughing at me.
Then a pale amber grey replaces the darkness.
It frightens me.
In vain I claw around for my pool of oblivion.
But my beautiful darkness