Certainly it was not unexpected, the timing seemed right. It was rainy that day; the clouds pooled the sky, blocking out the sun. And I did not know what time of day it was, all I knew is that it was no longer night time, but sleep seemed to pester me more than it usually did.
How does one wake up and suddenly say, I do not love you?
I still could not come up with a logical reason, and that bothered me the most.
How unemotional can someone become overnight? How long does it take to realize you are not happy with a single thing in your life?
These questions bothered me everyday, after I spoke those unforgiving words to her.
"Hey, baby. How was work?" She kissed my check, and I smiled.
At that time we had just bought a small apartment together. We were eighteen and had been together six months; on top of that we just started college.
"As good as work can get, I guess." I kissed her lips.
I could no longer remember what they felt like against mine, not even in these memories.
She pulled my jacket off of my body, slowly.
I dropped my keys on the couch and we made our way into the kitchen.
She made lasagna, she knew it was my favorite. She always had been an excellent cook, and I loved that about her.
But I could no longer say the taste of her sweet gift was remembered by my tongue...I could not remember anything about her, and yet I kept so much in my head to fantasize about.
It was the day of her birthday today.
I found myself driving by the apartment she still lived in. It had been a month since I broke her heart, I do not think she had moved on, she could not leave from there.
Her friends were getting into the car I had bought her for her last birthday. Finally as I fully starting driving past, I saw her walking out of the door, dressed up. From the distance I could tell it was a fake smile that was plastered on her face.
We were nineteen when we first really said I love you. I could not remember if I truly meant it back then. Sometimes I have moments in my life where I wish I had never met her.
"Hey babe," She climbed onto my back and massaged my shoulders "Let's go out tonight."
I groaned, back then I always hated going out.
"Just to the movies? I know you want to see that new movie, yeah?"
"I have no clue what you're talking about..."
"Baby!" She whined and playfully slapped my back.
I flipped over, causing her to fall beside me on the bed.
I nearly squashed her as I rolled my body onto hers. When she let out a groan I propped some of my weight up with my arms.
"And you're beautiful..." I leaned down and kissed her. "Should we continue pointing out the obvious?"
That was always one thing I never lied about, because she was truly beautiful.
After the breakup the first time we came to meet each other again was two months later.
She was shopping in the ice cream section; she always ate ice cream when she was nervous, or upset.
Her brown hair was tied back in a bun, and she had on my hoodie.
When we first made eye contact she froze.
I started at her for a while, then slowly began walking passed her.
"Hey..." She called after me as I was almost down the aisle.
She seemed nervous and she played with her fingers; she did that a lot.
I nodded slightly to her before turning the corner.
Later, we seemed to unconsciously find each other at the registers.
She slowly walked in front of me in line and began scanning her things in the self checkout line.
Her hands shook slightly as she began scanning her things. Probably because of my presence, but in reality she always had trouble with the self checkout. The machines seemed to hate her for some reason.
I watched as she swiped her ice cream over the scanner again trying to get it to scan. With many tries, she still failed.
"Here lemme help..." I took the ice ream from her hands, she jumped as her finger tips touched mine.
After scanning all her things I pulled out my money to pay for her items.
"What're doing? I have my own money." she fumbled around looking for money in her giant purse.
"Look this is quicker. It's no big deal."
"No you look. You made it clear how much you hate me. So just stop-"
"...I don't hate you. So stop putting words in my damn mouth, and let me pay for your crap." I slipped the money Into slot.
She gathered her bags and stormed out.
I didn't see her again until Christmas Eve.