"My daddy lies"

eyes resting sadly on the boy in front of me

who's smiling with childlike innocence

telling me the truth in his straightforward manner

I want to scream

Baby, you don't know how much

your daddy has lied to you

over the years

everyday

with every breath he took

and every word he spoke

He never told you why there was never enough food

for you and your family

or why you wore the same clothes weeks on end

until they were so dirty

and smelly no one

could come near you

why you almost

died of pneumonia

before he finally took you to the hospital

and got you medicine

It was because he was

too busy buying heroin

to buy diapers or clothes

Your papa never explained to you why he went away

for three long months

and left eight children alone

to fend for themselves

But before he came home

the ladies with the false

150 mega-watt smiles

and long gray coats

invaded your home

and your privacy

He didn't bother to tell you they were from

Children's Youth Services

though he had endless opportunities

and they came to take over your life forever

because your father had been in

a car accident.

he was driving high

and drunk

Four fatalities'

the headlines blatantly screamed

He never sat you down and told you that there were

five pounds of crack

three pounds of LSD

a stack of used hypodermic needles

in the car

when it crashed

and an endless amount of

coke was in his bloodstream

While four times the legal limit of alcohol coursed through his veins

You father never explained to your innocent little self

that he went to court

for vehicular manslaughter

and was also tried on the grounds of being

a drug dealer

Charged with neglect and abuse

toward you and

your seven

brothers and sisters

None of you were people to him

but things that reaped in welfare money

and family goodwill checks

He never told you why

the ladies who had lipstick smeared on their white teeth

asked you so many questions

so many times

They were social workers

they used your taped statement in court

I was there

when your recorded childish voice

rang throughout the courthouse

telling everyone how your beloved daddy left

one day

leaving his oldest child in charge

You told of how your new caretaker cried in desperation

and frustration

every night

as funds grew shorter

and huge bills rolled in

You told of how your favorite sister's tummy

would hurt so much

she'd scream in pain for hours

while you sat near

wiping her brow

trying to ease her pain in any way

Your daddy hung his head then

he looked ashamed

maybe he regretted yet another lie

another untold secret

because you never knew that

your sister had a life-threatening

stomach disorder

But how could you know your sister was sick?

Your daddy never paid for doctors

dentists

shoes

And he never told you that he

couldn't afford more than

a box of macaroni

for a dinner

that was supposed to feed

eight children

because he spent

so much government money on drugs

that there was nothing left

to spend on kids who he hardly knew

And he's still lying to you

because you don't know why you

and you sister live at my house

sleep in my room

share my food

You don't know why you don't have to stroke your sister's

sweaty forehead anymore

She got the surgery that was necessary

she's all well now

You don't know where your daddy is

I want to tell you that he'll be in a rehab center for a year

He'll go to jail afterwards where

he's serving a six-year sentence

but I can't tell you that

any of that

no matter how much I want to

And he hasn't told you anything

hasn't tried to contact you

so he's still lying

When you find out more about his many lies

you'll cry

scream

in confusion and in anger

at your father's betrayal

because lying by omission

is the worst kind of lying'

But for now

stay young, little boy

I'll ignore your comment about lying

(what can I say to make it better?)

I'll hold out my hand

and smile a wide grin at you

because I love you

and your honesty so much