Chapter Five (The opitemy of idiocy)

So for the length of this email's sake, I am going to skim a few days ahead because they were uneventful other than me dying my hair. I'll send a picture if you'd like. It was kind of rainbow. But that's beside the point. On with the story. And again the following events are rated PG-13. Hell this whole thing is PG-13. Heh.

I chewed on the end of my eraser and stared at the clock willing it to tick faster. How the hell I got into AP Social Studies? I have no clue. At least it wasn't health, I suppose. Lucie whispered to one of her friends and showed her something on ther phone. Of course this wasn't just a private threat or joke. And I dreaded seeing the one I loved most. He couldn't just let this one go.

I sat at the elementary school on one of the swing sets. Alley, honestly, this is where all hell broke loose. And my mental well being broke loose as well. So I will try my best to recall the exact thoughts I had, however, they will probably seem completely irrational rethinking them. This moment in time however was the most fresh in my mind, assuming that it was the closest I have ever come to sheer and pure sanity. From the vibrant green of the grass contrasting against the white rubber of my Converse to the gray sky combating against the sun to shed light, it was amazing. I sympathized with that thought. I remember thinking, why do we have to have light brought upon us? Why can't we just stay pleasantly oblivious in the shadow of ignorance? And in a second or so I completely forgot what the word rational meant. I pumped my legs and kicked so hard that the swing pushed off and thrusted me back and forth. Why I began swinging I do not remember, I just know I thought that somehow it would help me escape the hell I thought couldn't get worse. I remember that my hair was whipping in my eyes and the blur of rainbow was very mentalizing in of itself. Again, I really regret something that is such an easy thing to undo that it's taunting. I kicked and pumped and kicked until, I swear, it felt as though I was completely horizontal. I let my lungs fill with the sweet air. I even remember the way the cold chains felt against my fingertips. It all ended far too quickly.
"Mortis!" someone yelled. I don't even remember who. I opened my eyes and let go of the swing completely. My head slammed on the ground and my back, well, sort of cracked. Blurs of people crowding around the bleeding me is the last of the faintest memory I have of the afterwards.

I woke up in the hospital, how clichè. Apparently what happened was someone called 911 and I was brought to the ER for head trauma. But I really don't know. I just remember half shitting myself when I woke up to have something stuck in my arm and my pulse beeping on a screen. Erin was there, and so was my dad. When I woke up Dad kind of avoided my glance. Erin, however, was freaking interrogating me.
"What the hell were you even doing at the grade school anyway? Mortis, come on, there has to be some reason." I really couldn't think of one. It was probably because I had just smashed my head on the ground, but I convinced myself it was because there was no reason.

So again, FFWD to when something more interesting than me laying on my bed staring at my ceiling willing it to fall and crush me for days. I was at Auro's house again. He left to go get some stuff at the store and I was blasting the song Paperthin Hymn by Anberlin. I stared out to the road and let myself float into the song.

When your only friends are hotel rooms
Hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight

These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight

You never know what temporal days may bring
Laugh, love, live free and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the lord

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
Over and over
The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

I thought you said forever
over and over
The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

I thought you said forever
over and over
These thoughts run through my head