It's strange

The first time the fury fills my stomach

It's been there all along

I was just too empty to see it

I'm with Anita

She's looking at me with sad eyes again

She always seems to be doing that now

"Samantha, tell me what's wrong"

It shocks me

What I think next

I hate her

I hate the way she's looking at me

Blind aggression consumes my mind

She has no right to give me that look

So filled with sadness

With pity

With concern

If she really cared

She would have done something months ago

"There's nothing wrong Anita"

My words are filled with ice

Anger is replacing all other feeling I could have

Not that there were any

Anita looks startled

And then she pulls a face

Her bull detecting face

"We both know that's not true"

I can't take this

I'm going to hit her

Or do something worse to her

The last remnants of rational tell me to leave

Before I do something I'll regret

"Just drop it"

Anita shakes her head

But I ignore her

And walk away

She yells at me

"You can't keep pretending Sam"

But I keep walking

Letting the anger wash over me

"Yes I can"

When I get home

I scream into my pillow

Scratch at my arms until I bleed

And then I cry

Hot rage filled tears

Anita's last words stuck in my head