Let Me Wake Up
A short little thing, I wrote it today, in honour of the victims and their families. If I get anything wrong, correct me and I shall change in
The towers are falling. Why are they falling? Someone stop them falling! Oh God! Please, please, let me wake up. I want to wake up. I want my Husband to not be there, to not be in a building crumbling to the ground. Just let me wake up!
Those are just a few of my thought's as I sit, staring at the same screen I have for nearly an hour. The World Trade Center is collapsing. My Husband works at the World Trade Center. He was coming home early, to surprise the kids, but... we'd agreed, he would leave at ten thirty. It's only ten o'clock.
The kids are sick, so I stayed home with them, instead of hanging out in the cafe in the towers like I normally do. I'm so thankful to whoever gave them colds. Our thirteen year old twins are clutching each other, staring at the screen and sobbing, and never mind that the other boys would tease them, because they know as well as I who's in there. Who'll never leave there. My youngest, who's not even five doesn't get it, not yet.
"Mommy, I don't like this movie, it's scary. Can we watch cartoons?" I looked down at her and gulped. I couldn't cry in front of her yet, I just couldn't.
"S-sure honey. Come on, you can watch in Mommy... a-a-and Daddy's room, okay sweetie?"
I set her up with the VCR and a season of Thomas The Tank Engine and then hurried down stairs and stared at the screen, at the smoke that I could see out the window, despite the fact we and Manhattan were separated by a body of water. I sink down to the floor as I look at the rubble, as I break down and howl. Howl at the cruel injustice of the world. Scream at the unfairness of it all.
My sons are staring in shock and fear but I can't bring myself to stop just yet. I thought my husband and I beat the odds. We were the percentage of teen marriage that didn't end in divorce. We didn't give up, when the world told us to. We kept trying and got our three beautiful children. And even when I was in an accident a year ago, I survived, we survived. I thought the universe had had its fun. But of course not, it had to throw one more thing. One more damn thing that had finally shattered us. It was over. We were over.
"Don't cry Mommy. It's only a silly movie!" I looked up at my daughter, patting me on the head and smiling happily. If only she knew.
But that was enough to snap me out of it. I have kids to take care of. I get up and hug my baby, then go over and hug the twins,who hug tightly back with tears in their eyes. I look at them and kissed the top of their heads.
"Now then," I sniff and wipe away the tears "Who's up for some tank engine?" We all go up and watch the adventures of Thomas, even though all we can think of is what is happening on the news right now. Even though I can't stop crying. Even though I know my husband isn't coming home tonight. And yes, even when two episodes later, I get the call explaining that they found his body.
RIP everone lost in 9/11, and my condolences to the families of victims. My heart goes out to you.