"Ink may stain my skin,
and my jeans may all be ripped.
I'm not perfect,
but I swear I'm perfect for you."
- Endlessly, The Cab.
The way she stood in the rain, it got me every time. She's so beautiful, with her back erect and her face pointing to the heavens. She wasn't aware of me.
I coughed and she turned around, her face softened when she saw me.
"Oh, its only you, Ian," Amanda said, "I thought you were someone else."
"Who?" I asked, curious.
Amanda's face was tear-stained, someone had made my beauty cry.
"Oh, just someone." She evaded my question.
I wasn't going to let it go that easily.
I walked towards her and put my hand on her bare shoulder, she was freezing.
"Tell me." I said softly, looking into her hazel eyes.
Amanda looked across the lake that was in front of us and said, "It was Edward. He only wanted me for..."
She broke off, but I had a pretty good idea what Edward wanted: sex.
I growled, "I'm going to kill him. Seriously."
She was shivering against me. I took my jacket off, leaving me in my shirt and red tie, and draped it over Amanda's shoulders.
She was only wearing a deep purple gown that went out at her hips. There was a thin lighter purple mesh that went over the bodice. I knew she had black high heels on because she'd shown them to me before this party started.
My shirt was already soaked due to the steady drizzle that had been coming down all evening.
"No. Don't kill him." Amanda pleaded.
I ignored her pleading as I strode purposefully back inside.
"I'll be back in ten minutes tops." I called over my shoulder, going in the door.
I located Edward easily in the dark room. He was chatting up some girls. Jerk. I walked over to him, tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned round, I smashed him in the nose.
"Jerk." I hissed in his face, leaving him bleeding.
I went back outside, unaware of the noise the other people were making, and found Amanda sitting on the stone steps that led into the hall.
"What did you do?" Amanda said, sighing.
"I sort of... punched him in his stupid face." I replied, sitting next to her.
"Ian, you've really got to learn how to control that temper of yours."
"What?" I said, offended, "He was a jerk to you, so I made him pay."
She smiled faintly, "I know, it's very sweet."
Sweet? She thinks me defending her is sweet? It's really not. I love the girl and she hasn't figured it out yet? Aren't girls meant to be good at lovey-dovey stuff? Apparently not my girl.
I took my tie and shirt off, my tattoos showing, as they were both wet through. I blame Amanda.
I want to kiss her so bad. Her lips are full and tempting me. I can't, not now.
A slight breeze rippled through her blonde hair and my shaggy black hair.
We sat there, in the drizzle, until the party ended at midnight.
I woke up the next morning and stretched. I jumped out of my bed and ran across the room to get my phone. It was a Blackberry Curve. I picked it up and scrolled through my contacts until I found Amanda's number. I pulled my torn jeans on and stuffed my feet in my Kurt Cobain converse all-stars on while the phone rang.
I was searching for a shirt when Amanda picked up.
"Oh hey Ian. What's up?" She said.
"I was just wondering if you wanted to meet up." I'd given up on finding a shirt.
"Yeah, that'd be cool. Costa, in half an hour?"
"Yeah. See you there."
"Yeah. See you." Amanda hung up.
For twenty minutes I searched for a shirt, eventually finding a one that was clean and said, "The Ramones" on.
I rushed into Costa, late despite setting off five minutes earlier than normal.
Amanda was sitting on a table near the back. I ordered my usual - hot chocolate with whipped cream and made my way over to her.
Her hair was loosely tied back and she was wearing a green t-shirt and a pink mini-skirt. She looked up at me as I approached with my drink in my left hand.
"Hey." She said as I sat across from her.
"Hey. How are you feeling?" I asked, sipping my drink.
"Decent, since I thumped him."
She shook her head before drinking some of her drink, an almond mocha.
"How do you like those?" I said, pointing at her drink.
"They taste nice!" Amanda insisted.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." I rolled my eyes.
We talked for about half an hour. Its hard to tell, my sense of time gets messed up whenever I'm with Amanda.
"What do your tattoos say again?" She asked.
"You should know that already, you've been my friend since before I got them." I sighed, "The one on my right arm says 'Live or let die' and the one on my left says 'You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough'
"Oh yeah." Amanda said, looking at my arms.
I grinned, seeing her so interested in me made me happy.
"Why are you grinning?"
"Just reliving the moment when I hit Edward." I said.
I lie to the girl I love because I don't want her hurt.
I love you, I thought as she sobbed against my shoulder. So much it hurts to see you hurt.
Amanda had gone back to the jerk - Edward - only to have him cheat on her two days later. She was gutted.
I wish she'd stop going back to him, it's been like this since year nine - she'd go out with a jerk; then she'd find him cheating on him with a slut; she'd come running to me crying; I'd punch the jerk; and then she'd get back together with the jerk, and I'd love her from the side - again.
Why can't I just say I love you? Goddammit! I love you.
"What?" She said, wiping her nose on her sleeve, "What did you say?"
"Uh..." I realised I'd just said 'I love you' out loud. Shit. "I didn't say anything."
"You did. Tell me."
"Uh..." I was distracted by her hair and her eyes, "Nothing."
"Ian..." Amanda stared at me with clear green eyes, "Please tell me."
"I didn't say anything." I insisted.
"Yes. You. Did. Tell me." She said firmly.
I gulped, truly nervous now. My palms were sweating. I rubbed the back of my neck and mumbled, "I love you."
I said a bit louder, "I love you."
"I didn't hear you."
"I love you." I blushed, embarrassed.
"Ok... I've got to go. Bye." She said before grabbing her coat and going.
Oh crap. I shouldn't have told her I love her. I should not have done that. I scared her, as in really scared her.
No... She didn't go because of that. She went because, obviously, doesn't love me back.
Of course I knew she didn't love me the way I love her, but I had hoped she'd at least give me a straight answer.
Maybe Amanda's thinking my confession over and realising that she loves me too. My heart lifted with hope. God I hope so.
If I've risked my heart, not to mention my friendship with Amanda, for nothing, I'll be crushed.
Someone was knocking at my door, so I dragged myself out of bed, slipped a t-shirt over my head and walked downstairs.
It has been two weeks since I last saw Amanda, and it's been killing me. I haven't got out of bed in days, apart from to go to the toilet.
Who's knocking at my door at three o'clock in the afternoon? I wondered.
I yawned as I opened the door. I stared in shock. It was Amanda.
"Hello." She said, timidly.
Why would she be timid around me? I'm her best friend. Or at least I was.
I stood in my boxers and t-shirt, as I tried to figure out why she was here.
"Ian, I love you." Amanda said.
I kissed her, like I've been wanting to for the past five years.
The world suddenly seemed much brighter. The sun shined brightly behind her; the drizzle stopped and the leaves stopped falling from the trees for an endless moment.