I wish your madness would match my own.

Then you would finally understand

all the twists and swirls and jagged broken dreams

that line my whispers and fill my words.

Because you would know just how brightly my fire burns

and how fiercely it devours and destroys everything

it touches, how the night is your best friend as you crisp in flames.

You wouldn't and couldn't soothe me with words

and promises, soft hands and calming auras

because would you feel like smashing my head through a wall.

Anger is useful, yes, but it is dangerous in a way that I

cannot control, a way that I force down so I do not hurt

something other than myself, make it damaged beyond repair.

You'd understand what it means to be made of stars and glass

and how I crumble and shatter and burn into diamond-dust

spread across the ground, fragile and beautiful and oh-so-strong.

We would be partners, lovers, friends, soul-mates

hiding underneath the night sky in whispers and dreams

returning home when the sun burns the sky pink and orange and green.

You would know the taste of ashes and desperation as you fight

to hold onto to that one piece that makes it all make sense,

the piece that you glue everything else to when you break and fall.

There would be no confusion, no words needed, because you would know

when I would need gentle loving and when I would need to fuck,

wild and desperate and needy-fast, animalistic and feral-hard.

You would know why I whisper into the dark, why my secrets

are never written down on paper and ink, only murmured in that time

of half-dreaming, the time that belongs to us and us alone.

My urge to wander would never be questioned or denied,

you would know a place for me to go and pack a thermos of tea

so my hands and fingers and soul will not freeze without you there.

A fire would always be roaring in our fireplace, and we would never

fall asleep in bed, but on the couch or the rug in front of the flames,

curled around each other like cats, heads and hearts and breaths as one.

I wish your madness would match my own

because then you would never break my heart

and I would never cry over you again.