I laid my hand over the sleek cold casket; it was black and covered in the most beautiful confederate roses, her favorite flowers. The air pierced through me and blew through my hollowed shell of a body. It was my fault that she was laying there cold and motionless. While my body stood there realizing I would never see her again my mind was somewhere else, far away…
"Teach me how to skip rocks!" I smiled warmly at her. Her brunette hair swirled in the wind framing her angelic face. She was sweet, kind, and beautiful and she had not realized that she was any of those. I wrapped my arms around her waist and placed a smooth rock in her hand and I guided her and told her when to release. The rock bounced up and down on the pond water and she jumped up in down in celebration.
"Thank you!" She returned a hug, burying her face in my chest. She placed an earplug in my ear and turned up the music.
"This is how I feel today." She smiled warmly at me, her smile was subtle but was filled with happiness. I placed my hand over hers, letting her hand caress my face. I loved everything about her, her fascination with flowers, music and her obsession with keeping her nails painted. Everything about her was cute and sweet. She was shy and reserved but passionate and honest when you got to know her.
She had all the curves in the right places and was slightly tall but she still had to stand on her toes to kiss my lips. We sat down on the bench, our hands locked together; we were in love as teens could be. We never did talk about after high school, but their was an unspoken word of a 'we' afterwards. Every time I played with her little brother there was a soft glimmer of our future together in her eyes. Besides that though our personalities fit together snug as puzzle pieces, she was the rest of my heart, soul, and body. She was my everything. I could tell by starring into her warm brown eyes. I knew,-however that her family was on her mind.
Even when she was with me I couldn't distract her completely from her home life. Every family has problems, but she had a very hard time managing them.
"Jared, you know that I love you." I laughed at her. "How could I not? Besides were in this together." I brushed some flyaway hair away from her face.
"-But, do you know if it wasn't for you I would be dead. You keep me… going." I hadn't taken that remark seriously enough. So, I had to watch her be buried, cold and pale, no longer glimmering in the sun's rays and no longer a sweet pink flush along her cheeks.
I faded back into the present, my heart barely beating while my hands were shaking on the coffin.
"Jared, its time to lower the casket." Tears streamed down my face.
"No! I can't leave her!" he pulled on my shoulder and I shrugged it off while throwing myself on the casket. I pressed my body hard on it, I knew it could never happened, but I hoped maybe my warmth could bring her back to my arms, where she would never leave me. I found arms grabbing me and pulling and I fought back every second I could. The world seemed to glaze over and the only thing I saw was the casket where she laid, nothing but an empty shell where the girl I loved lived. The sheer pain hit me, she was never coming back, she was far away from my grasp, there was no bringing her back.
That night I couldn't sleep, all I did was stare at her ipod the only thing left of her. My mind spun to the day she died, I relived the nightmare my mind slipping far into its depths, inescapable and darkening.
I woke up stretching tiredly, my mind fluttering. I slipped on my house coat and I went to shower. Looking at my reflection I had come to realize I would never really fit in Japan. I thought I would have to chance to considering I had black hair and was naturally pale as if I've never seen the light of day. That of course didn't happen. Probably due to the fact of how tall I am; this was a burden. It made it hard to focus on school because of people; they were bothersome. I got ready and put on the issued school uniform, navy blue in color.
Overall though I had gotten use to this country. Although it was obviously different from America, I enjoyed the strictness and conformity. I'm glad I came here even if I had no choice anyways. My mom had remarried a business man who works here in Japan. He's a good guy and I have no reason to complain considering we are in a penthouse suite and my mom loves him. What is even better is that they are never here.
Thus I have absolutely no distractions when it came to my studies. I go to a private school, luckily the English language is used the most, so it was easy to adapt. Mostly all the kids know at least two or more languages regardless. It doesn't matter now though, I can speak Japanese well enough for me to get around. I'm also doing well in both of my language classes, unlike most people who struggled with one or the other.
I took a deep breathe as I grabbed my school bag and my wallet. Quietly I waited outside for my car ride.
Eventually I made it to school and immediately sat down at my desk. I wasted no time socializing and looked to the front, waiting impatiently for the bell to ring.
It was another day at school, another meaningless day of my life until college. My life goal was to be an English professor in America, so studying mattered a lot to me.
Two guys whistled as that infuriating girl walked in, I didn't even glance at her. It is not that I never really noticed girls, sure some were pretty, but none did anything for me. It was just empty meaning, socializing in general was.
More often everyone just looked like walking mannequins. No body was particularly distinguishable, however there is one irritating exception.
The only person I really truly detested. She didn't fit in, even if she was so obviously fake like many girls. She was hiding something. I threw an irritated glance at her and she was too busy smiling at the boys in class to notice. She was just too sweet when half the school hated her. She pretended she was best friends with people who clearly detested her.
Unfortunately this school allowed people like her in as long as her family had the dough. After all this school is where families paid money for their kid to be spoiled, not that they weren't spoiled enough. It was too bad that these kids felt so entitled, despite having the personality of a stick.
The quality of the school and materials was great and everything, but sometimes it was too much. Everything from the drooling guys, the admirers, the angry girls, the gossiping teachers; It was kind of corrupted and disorderly at times.
Another reason why I was highly annoyed by the idiot is because she distracted the whole class and sometimes the whole entire school. Naturally this was extremely aggravating. Even more so when it seemed I couldn't stop thinking about her.
Her name was Liz Hale, the most discussed subject amongst guys and girls alike. Probably because of many things under discretion. She was also observed because of her Mother, a famous fashion designer. Who just happened to always be in trashy tabloids and gossip columns due to her erratic behavior.
I mean, -my gut was usually right when it came to people, that inner instinct you couldn't completely ignore or completely listen to. When I saw her though I felt like I was looking at a piece of paper, one dimensional, like I was only seeing one face of a cube.
Perhaps it was her weird actions or just maybe the rumors, or even my own bias. She was just another classmate though; one that happened to irked me more then the others. Especially those who value socializing over education.
I pinched my lips and I began to read. While rubbing my temples and adjusting my glasses I was disrupted by a girl tapping on my shoulder.
"Please take these chocolates!" It was a bag of heart shaped chocolate. I rubbed my face forgetting the date, it was Valentine's Day. I refrained myself from sighing. I would never skip school, but I would make an exception if it was anything like last year.
"I hate chocolate." The girl sulked away and my mind carelessly wandered. I was remembering Angelina's face when she handed me cookies she had made herself for me. They were delicious and the best cookies I had ever had, but nothing compared to her face when I handed her the necklace I had bought her.
"Mr. Roberts." I lifted my head to see who called my last name.
"You have classroom clean up duty with Ms. Hale." I nodded and continued reading my book.
I sat down with a cheap smile plastered on my face. I did my best to resist from punching them in the face. I wasn't a sex object, I was just a really pissed off girl with self control. How would they like it if I pinched there ass and told them they were only worth fucking? Yes, a lot of guys might appreciate the sentiment -and some guys I would be tempted to court in that way, but I was only tempted.
I breathe evenly and avoid itching my upper lip, my mom made me bleach my hair there. Must maintain my image, someone has too in this family.
"Liz who are you giving chocolates to?" I turned to see the nosy girl. Then again she was genuinely nice to me, couldn't beat that.
"Psh, it's so different here in Japan. People who were just friends in America would give each other stuff and not go all 'I'm confessing my love to you in chocolates'. I don't give chocolates to people like that." She rolled her eyes and laughed.
"Liz you're pretty enough to give chocolates to any guy." I shrugged my shoulders carelessly.
"Doesn't mean I want to."
We both turned and the whole room got silent when some girl approached the school hot guy who acted pretty stuck up.
"Please except my love!" I shook my head, these girls were insane I could never embarrass myself like that. Once again another girl was shoot down like a F-14 in the sky as he sneered at her.
"Jesh, there is going to be at least ten more girls heartbroken because of him today." I laughed.
His name was Jared.
Fairly tall guy with eyes so dark and rich you had to look away from them to not be tempted, just like delectable sweets. Besides that though his own demeanor was extremely cold and he honestly didn't care about people, only his grades. He rejected anyone who attempted to be friendly and destroyed even the most beautiful girls hopes. His nose was always in the books and up his own ass.
I personally think that he's gay, but if I dared say that aloud that would be digging my own grave. Except for the girls who are into the forbidden love thing, you'd be really surprise how many of them are there.
Twisting long blonde hair, my thoughts unraveled again, even worse considering it was single awareness day.
I remembered Lance clearly, his smile playful and seductive, his body so confident as I handed him cookies, which he bit into one and spat out.
"This taste like shit!" We both laughed. He was always kidding and always funny, except about the cookies, even I almost died when I ate them.
We were close because he was my best friend's boyfriend, but they broke up. We stayed close and eventually went out. I pressed my lips together, I promised myself I would never cry over a guy again. I opened my eyes and noticed class had started.
"Glad for you to join us Ms. Hale." I poked my head up, I smiled at my teacher, I had forgotten her name, oops.
"Thank you for the invitation." some class mates snickered, but I didn't care. She continued glaring at me.
"Anyways Ms. Hale you're assigned to cleaning the classroom up after school with…" she paused.
"Mr. Roberts." I sucked in my cheeks knowing she did that on purpose. I could feel the eyes burrowing through my head. Girls were super possessive of him even though he's never had a full conversation with of anyone. I just nodded in response and continued my business. By the time it was for lunch I was completely utterly sick of chocolate and that was saying about considering I'm a junk food addict, secretly of course because my mom didn't permit me to eat any.
I peeked in the lunchroom where guys were circling around where I usually sit like horny vultures. I took a deep breathe and walked away silently and as ninja-like as I possibly could. I slipped past the hallway and up the stairs, finally going to the surely peaceful roof.
The February air blew in my face and wrapped around my body. I stretched tall then hunched over, finally alone. Looking over an entire town I exhaled the air while my hands clung onto the cold bone chilling metal. My long stockings mine as well have not been there. I rubbed my hands together and pulled out the chocolate in my bag and piece by piece I threw it down. When Lance crossed my mind I threw it with even more force.
"Fuck Valentines Day!" I screamed. Stupid Lance. Funny thing about love, even though you've broken up your mind or heart doesn't magically reset. You still care for them. It gets more hard when you use to think about them everyday. It's been nearly two years for me and Lance and I still think about him. True Story.
I dumped endless amounts of chocolate and let it scatter to the ground. It didn't make me feel better and it didn't ease any pain, but gave me a small amount of satisfaction. I was hurt still, I suppose though falling in love with your best friend's ex-boyfriend could do that to you. I suppose if he fucked you then broke up to go back out with his ex it would be upsetting.
It only made me more mad that Allie still calls me best friend even though we both know we'll probably never talk again. We both tried to continue being best friends, but it was too hard for both of us. Yet it was impossible to hate your best friend of ten years.
I leaned over the railing and threw a whole entire bag. Someone idiot walked just in the right spot and it hit them. I ducked before they could look up and turned around. I nearly jumped when I heard someone scraping against concrete. It was that guy Jared, he was standing up straight listening to a mp3 player.
"I was-" We both spoke at the same time then stopped.
"Just-" He looked annoyed that we were both on the same wave length.
"Hiding from all your chocolate givers?" I questioned as I noted I had no idea it was possible to make reading glasses look hot.
"I'm simply studying. Are you here to litter or bother me?" Jesh what a dick, you are what you eat I guess. Despite so I grinned at him, everyone needs a smile even if it isn't earnest.
"I was giving chocolate to people who would actually want them. If you wanted to be alone in the first place shouldn't you have left?" He scoffed at me and shook his head. He was obviously perplexed that I was here, but I'm sure he found my chocolate throwing amusing. I'll just keep telling myself that even though he wore that frown on his face pretty well. I knew he had to be surprised by my cussing. I secretly swear like a sailor.
"Do you like being rude to people or are you just shy?" I accidentally muttered letting the blunt question come out. Of course he stayed silent not answering and got up, almost about to walk out the door. I heard steps coming up the stairs and I stopped him when I heard giggling. He shot me an angry glare as I pushed him behind the door and swung it open a little. Two girls looked at me in surprise and of course they were holding chocolate in their hands.
"Have you seen Jared?" The girls was meek and quiet, they were little freshman, Cute. I smiled down at them.
"No I haven't seen him, but I have homeroom with him I can give it to him." They nodded there heads after handing it to me.
"And girls!" I ran after them in the stair well. They stopped and looked at me, they were probably afraid of me because of the rumors.
"You guys are very cute, but if you give someone chocolate do it because their special to you." They nodded slightly as if not comprehending it and bobbed away. I sighed, so innocent. I walked back up the stairs and outside and I held the chocolate in my hand and approached Jared.
"Some chocolate for you!" He shook his head.
"Can I have it then?" He nodded his head reaching for the door. I wasn't letting him go that easy because I had the strong urge to poke at him and be annoying.
"You know since this was your chocolate and you just let me have it, technically you just gave me chocolate." He stiffened and he walked inside slamming the door behind him. I busted out laughing,
"What a reaction." I wondered how he would act when we had to clean the classroom together. I sat there for a while longer eating chocolate, if Jared won't eat these I guess I would for those cute little freshman.
The end of the day came fast, faster then I intended. I had no idea how many chocolates I was offered, how many times guys got pissy with me, and of course how many offered to sleep with me. All were denied. Somehow I didn't understand exactly how I got this reputation, but I think things happen for a reason, so I should just use it for good somehow. I walked into the classroom tiredly, dragging my bag with me. I noticed Jared sleeping on top of his book, I rolled my eyes. It wasn't hard to figure out he was tired as me. I heard a girl cried all over him and he didn't know what to do. The thought of it gave me some sort of private satisfaction.
I walked up to his desk and peeked down at him, he fell asleep with his music on. It was weird considering it had a girly flower sticker on it, something that did help support my theory. I studied his face for a moment and there was no denying he was pretty, but somehow really sterile and lifeless.
He reminded me more of an adult that had already saw more then he should. Shrugging my shoulders I got a broom from the closet and began sweeping. -Of course all while humming to myself obnoxiously. I moved to the window and opened it letting the air come through, I loved cold air. I wasn't really sure why, but it served as a reminder I was alive somehow. Even if my heart fucking hurt when it came to Lance.
I then noticed the girls below were talking aloud, something I typically ignored until the words "Loser" and "Boring" popped up. I dropped my hearing down to them and clung to every word.
"Man Matt is so stupid! He won't do anything other then make out. That's why I'm dating a hot guy from another school. I'm going to keep dating him though because he gives me stuff all the time. Poor loser, he doesn't even live in a nice house and he gives me brand name stuff and buys me things." My mouth gapped open and I caught a glimpse of the girl named Mimi. I didn't know what she was talking about, Matt was a pretty attractive guy and on top of that he's super nice. He actually treated me courteously despite everything and he was just flat out polite. How could she do that to him? And over him treating her like a lady.
People who take things for granted pissed me off.
"Being nosy?" I turned around to see sleeping beauty had awoken.
"Maybe, but doesn't mean you have to be." I pinned my long blonde hair up in a ponytail as I stared at him.
"Are you going to clean or not?" He then got up and began dusting the shelves and cabinets in the classroom. I continued cleaning, still angry. How could people hurt others so easily? Why can't people just love unconditionally? At least if your going to break up then do it for a good reason. It better be because you found true love. My mind wondered while cleaning and I figured maybe I could help Matt.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading, it means a lot to me, I know my style of writing is kind of pain, so congrats if you made it this far! I've worked on this since middle school and I finished it this year, but I have to go through it and edit chapters before posting and that is time consuming, but this story is finished just not posted completely on fictionpress. If you're dying to know the ending and enjoy it a lot let me know in a message and I will be sure to jump on it. Love You, ForeveralonegirlXD