XxX XxX XxX 19 years old XxX XxX XxX

One week before Christmas, Ryan showed up at the small airport where Shawn apprenticed. He mostly cleaned and fuelled the planes, though he was taking classes in the manufacture and maintenance of aircrafts at the same time.

Parking near the hanger, Ryan leaned against the side of his car to wait. He didn't have to wait long before he saw Shawn lopping toward him across slush covered tarmac in the grey jumpsuit that he wore for work.

Shawn's smile formed a dimple in his stubbled cheek, he obviously hadn't shaved that day. "What are you doing here?"

With a grin, Ryan straightened up. "The question is: what are you doing for lunch?"

"Ah...I brought lunch, but I have an hour coming, you want to go out?"

"Yup," Ryan checked his watch, "You still have 20 minutes, I'll be waiting here."

Shawn nodded, unfazed by the fact that Ryan apparently knew his schedule as well he did. " 'Kay."

Unable to resist, Ryan reached out and squeezed Shawn's upper arm, "Hurry up."

With a smile, Shawn jogged back to the hanger and sped through the last of his morning tasks before grabbing his coat and hurrying back to Ryan's car.

He slid into the passenger seat. "So where we going? Subway?"

"No, somewhere new." Ryan's eyes shone with suppressed excitement, "It's a surprise."

"I don't like surprises." Brow furrowed doubtfully, Shawn strapped himself in.

"This one's a good one." Ryan assured him, shifting the car into gear and pulling out of the airport and onto the highway.

Fifteen minutes later, Shawn looked at Ryan in confusion as they pulled up in front of grey brick highrise. "What are we doing here?"

Ryan merely smirked and climbed out of the car. He walked around to the other side of the car and opened the passenger's door. "Just c'mon."

As Shawn unfolded himself from the car, Ryan placed a hand on the middle of his back, guiding him towards the building. Shawn's brow scrunched lightly, watching, puzzled, as Ryan used a key on his keyring to open the double glass doors leading into the building. Ryan lead him to the elevator and they took it up to the 14th floor. Once on the 14th, Ryan took them to an apartment that had a red bow taped to the door and fit another key in. The brunette swung the door open and then stood back and swung his arm wide. "Ta-da."

Shawn looked in tentatively. There was a small kitchen in one corner, a metal door leading out to a postage stamp sized balcony and two doors were on the east wall; the bedroom and bathroom. Both of which, from what Shawn could see through the doorways, were small and hideously out-dated. The carpets where stained and paint chipping, but otherwise, it looked like someone had really made an attempt to clean the place.

Shawn still wasn't quite sure what was going on. He looked over, eyes questioning, "Ryan?"

"What do you think?"

Shawn gestured towards the key ring. "You're going to live here?"

Ryan paused, then shook his head. "No...We're going to live here."

Huh? A sort of confused keeling sound escaped Shawn's mouth.

Black eyes bore into Shawn's blue ones, trying to read his expression. "Um...Surprise?"

Shawn's eyebrows shot up. "You're serious?!"

"We can clean it up good. Get some furniture. My parents said we can have the TV and stand from the spare room...and my grandparents' old table and chair set. There's only one bedroom, but I measured and it'll fit two single beds. It's only 900 a month..."

Shawn opened his mouth to protest, he couldn't afford to pay $450 dollars. Ryan anticipated the objection and beat him to it.

"I know you were planning on staying at home for at least another year, but this place is closer to the airport. The #13 bus stops out front and goes to straight to your work. And you can bike once spring comes. I know you can't afford it. But I can. I'm going to live here, pay the rent. You can buy groceries, and pay for hydro and shit."

"What about my dad?"

Tension crept over Ryan's features. He had been expecting this argument, too. And dreading it. "Shawn... Shawn, you don't have to take care of your dad anymore. He can do this on his own. He needs to learn to do this on his own. He hasn't been responsible for himself since your mother died."

Deep down, the blond knew that was true, but his eyes still sparked with pain. It wasn't that easy. "But – "

"It's not like we're far away. You can check in on him whenever you want."

"He needs me."

"Shawn..." Ryan's expression hardened. "You're enabling his drinking..."

Shawn flinched as if Ryan had hit him physically, instantly defensive. "Shit, Ry! You pull that 10-dollar-word out of your pocket dictionary?"

Gaze direct, Ryan refused to back down. "You're angry because I'm right! You can't help your dad by staying, and you'll only get hurt again. For fuck's sake, Shawn, he's hit you before."

Is that was this is about? "Once and he didn't mean to! How do you even remember that?!"

Ryan remember it. He had been saving up money for a place of their own every since. "There are programs he could join, to get help; we can help your dad find one if he wants. Shawn, just think about it. It makes sense. Us. Living here. Together. On our own."

Shawn was silent for a moment. His eyes flickered around the room again and then back to Ryan. "You're really going to rent this place?"

"I already have. I signed a lease on the first of the month, but I was waiting until now to show you. For Christmas. It's my gift this year."

"For real?" Shawn asked again, still in shock.

"Say you'll move in with me."


"Move in with me." Ryan repeated, eyes locked onto Shawn's.

Shawn shifted on the balls of his feet; there were really so many things to consider... but only one answer in the end. "Yes... okay."

"Yes!" Ryan grabbed Shawn and hugged him hard, relief and victory pouring though him; he felt almost light headed. "This is going to be a great Christmas!"

"I have sort of a surprise for you too, but as big or expensive as this one though..." Shawn hedged once Ryan released him from the bear hug.

Ryan was still grinning, hands still holding Shawn's shoulders, "Yeah, what?"

"It's more something to show you. We could go somewhere for dinner. Eastside Mario's? Tonight?"

"Sure. At seven, okay? To celebrate."

Shawn nodded dutifully.

"I'll driving you back to work now," Ryan took one last, satisfied look at around the apartment and then hooked an arm around Shawn's shoulders, playfully tousling his blond hair, "Then I want to go home and start packing right away."


Though Shawn got the restaurant a little before seven, Ryan was already there, with a table and cheesy garlic toast and two glasses of ginger ale already ordered and delivered.

Shawn saw him the moment he walked in, unerringly drawn to the familiar figure. He made a beeline for the table, he dropped into the chair across from Ryan with a smile, "Hey."

"Hey." Ryan responded with a smirk, watching Shawn grab a slice of garlic bread and stuff half of it in his mouth with a pleasure-filled 'Mmmmmm'.

Ryan smiled at his obvious enjoyment. "So where's this surprise you were talking about, or you want to order first?"

Shawn chewed and swallowed, eyes flickering up over Ryan's head. "It's coming through the door actually."

Ryan's brows drew together. "Huh?"

Shawn stood from the table, self-consciously brushing his hand over his mouth. A man with brush-cut blond hair was walking up to the hostess table. His eyes scanned the dining room and then his hand lifted in a small salute. He was stocky and clean cut, maybe three or four years older than they were. Ryan watched in disbelieve as the man approached, his stride long and confident. The stranger stopped beside Shawn, slipped an arm around his waist, and then proceeded to presses his lips to Shawn's temple.

Biting his lip in that nervous habit of his, Shawn blushed appealingly, "Ah, Ryan, this is Bo. We meet a few months ago. He teaches the cadets gliding at the airport. We've been...seeing each other. Bo, Ryan." Shawn looked a little nervous; as if he wasn't sure how Ryan would handle the fact he was dating a guy.

Ryan could give a flying fuck that Shawn was dating a man... what mattered was that man was not him.

The stranger had the gall to smile at him, holding out a broad, thick-fingered hand, "Nice to meet you, Ryan. The way Shawn talks about you, I have to admit, I feel as nervous as I would meeting family."

Ryan stood so quickly the glasses wobbled on the table. He couldn't hear anything over the rush of blood in his ears, he vaguely remembered shaking the man's hand, as if in a dream and mumbling something about the bathroom.

It was either excuse himself or launch himself across the table and probably get arrested for attempted murder.

He somehow navigated through the maze of tables back to the men's room, finding it thankfully empty. He slammed his fist against a stall door a few times, the pain felt surprisingly good, but it wasn't enough to relieve the wave of nausea building inside. Powerless, he clutched his stomach with one arm, bent over and puked into toilet until he was shaking and empty. Then he flushed, splashed some water one his face, washed his hands, put on a neural face...and left the bathroom to go have dinner with Shawn – and his boyfriend.

He lasted about half an hour before he had to come up a bullshit excuse to leave early. Even then, he ended up sitting outside the restaurant in his car for another hour, (which he knew was pathetic) watching them through the window like a freaking stalker.

The steal band around his chest only lessening when he watched them part ways outside the restaurant with nothing more than a friendly hug beside the man's car.


The late the next morning, Ryan was boxing up his video games and books in his room. He had managed to convince himself that this thing – whatever it was – with the other man was nothing. After all, Shawn had never mentioned it before and then shared everything. Didn't they?

He paused in his packing, when he heard the door opening and closing and voices down stairs – first his mom, and then Shawn. And then another male voice that wasn't as familiar, but certainly was ingrained in his head now – the boyfriend. What the hell was he doing here?

Abandoning the boxes, Ryan descended the stairs quickly but quietly and stopped in the hallway, trying to see into the living room without being seen.

They were sitting on the couch by the fireplace. The same couch he and Shawn sat on all the time. His mother was smiling at them and then she disappeared into the kitchen. Ryan backtracked to enter the kitchen from the other door.

His mother jumped when he appeared behind her. He hissed, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Ryan!" Rachel gasped, turning and looking at him with censure, "Watch your language."

"Do you know who that is?" Ryan challenged.

Mrs. Hannah frowned at his tone, "He's Shawn's friend."

"His boyfriend."

"I suspected as much." Rachel shrugged indifferently.

"Why did you invite him here?"

"Why not? I ran into him and Shawn when I was going to the grocery store. Shawn introduced us which – which I might add is more than you've ever done with the dozens of girls you've 'dated'. I just invited them back for some hot chocolate. I hope your father gets home soon, so he has a chance to meet Bo. You've met him of course, haven't you, dear?" She put the kettle on, and brought out mugs as she chatted, "He seems nice."

"We've meet." Ryan bit out.

There was a soft sound of a clearing throat. Both Rachel and Ryan looked over, Shawn stood in the doorway, oblivious to the growing tension.

He looked at Ryan first and then smiled amiably at Mrs. Hannah. "I...need any help?"

Rachel returned his smile, "Well, why don't you finish making the coco? I'll go make small talk with your Bo."

"Okay." Shawn agreed readily.

Rachel patted his shoulder as she passed by him, disappearing back into the living room.

Shawn padded around the kitchen, knowing exactly where the hot chocolate mix and spoons and cream were kept. He wasn't making eye contact though.

Ryan leaned back against the counter. "So...?"

Shawn peeked over shyly.

"We're not going to talk about it?" Ryan asked, a dark eyebrow lifting.

Shawn appeared to struggle for a moment, and then he finally spoke, "You left early."

Ryan just looked at him.

"You..." Shawn wet his lips, clearly concentrating on choosing and forming each word, "didn't like him?"

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Ryan answered the question with one of his own. "I mean, if you've been seeing him for a while."

Shawn grimaced slightly, "It...wasn't really like that. Like we were just saw each other at the airport when he took the gilders up, we talked a little, and then a little more, then..." Shawn shrugged; a small, helpless gesture, "We were like dating. I don't even know how it happened really. But... he's nice. I think he likes me." The water started boiling noisily in the kettle, but both of them ignored it.

"I don't like that you keep it from me."

" happened so slowly, I didn't even know there anything to tell you."

"It doesn't change anything. About the apartment I mean, you're still going to move in with me." Ryan said it like a statement, but he was really looking for confirmation.

Shawn nodded readily, hands suddenly wringing in front of his body. " being... changes things."

"You're being what?"

"My being with..." Shawn struggled for a moment and finally spit out, "Gay."

Ryan pushed away from the counter and walked up to Shawn. He stood there into Shawn finally looked up at him. "That doesn't change a thing."

The wringing hands stilled.

"What's taking you boys so long?" Mrs. Hannah called from the living room. "If you don't get in here soon, I'm going to tell Bo the story about how you two stole in the show in the second grade Christmas pageant, cutest lil reindeer I ever saw. I bet I can find the pictures somewhere..."

"You better get back in there." Ryan forced a smile, "I'll finish up here."


Ryan stayed up half the night to finish packing, the sooner he and Shawn could move into the new apartment the better as far as he was concerned. Knowing when Shawn was out with Bo would be torture, but it would a hundred times better to this – not knowing exactly where Shawn was or who he was with, only his vivid, merciless imagination to fill in the blanks.

Around 1 a.m., he went down the hall to use the washroom. The light under his parent's door was still on, and he could make out the low hum of their voices.

"The boy is 19, Rach. He doesn't need it. I mean really, I gave Ryan that talk when he was twelve."

"Oh, he might as well be twelve for the experience he's had, and you know it."


"Maybe we could buy him some condoms."


"What, don't you want him to be safe?"

"Don't go poking your nose in his business, hon. He's not your responsibility."

"He's my boy, David, just as surely as Ryan is."

"Okay, okay, I'll have a talk with him next time I see him. Just stop giving me that look."

Ryan got no sleep that night.


December 24th, was a cold and clear day that year. All the Christmas preparations were done and Shawn and Ryan were using the time off work and school to get their new place ready.

Shawn paused in his scrubbing of the kitchen to look around the apartment. It looked better with the mismatched furniture in place. A futon couch, table and chairs, and the TV in the living room. Two twin beds and a night stand and a dresser crammed into the small bedroom. They even had a little Christmas tree set up in the corner.

"Looks great, eh?" Ryan came up behind Shawn, carrying a box of old dishes his parents had no longer wanted. "Perfect timing, too. Ready to move in for Christmas. We can spend the whole day enjoying our new apartment."

Shawn smiled and nodded, before amending, "Well, not the whole day."

Ryan grinned crookedly, "You're right, Mom will want us there for Christmas dinner."

"Um...No." Shawn frowned a little, "I told Bo I would have Christmas dinner with him. It's his first Christmas here. The rest of his family is in Edmonton. I thought you knew. I told your mom."

Ryan sucked in a breath. No Shawn for Christmas? He was going to be with Bo instead. Well, what did he expect? In all fairness, he hadn't ever even told Shawn about his true feelings. So how was Shawn supposed to know that would kill him?

He set the box of dishes on the counter. What if he told him? What was there left to lose? It was Christmas, if there was ever a time to tell Shawn, it was now.

Suddenly determined, Ryan wasted no time in approaching Shawn, expression grave. "Blondie, there's something I have to talk to you about. Something you have to know –"

The blond blushed bright red and held up his hands. " Really, Ryan, I know."

"Shawn, I don't think – "

"No! Your dad already...Agh... and your mom gave me...Umm. Really, I'm good."

"That's not..." Ryan paused, eyes searching Shawn's face. "They did?"

Shawn just blushed and then moved to the closet, pulling out his coat and showing Ryan the line of silver foil-covered condoms Rachel had given him.

"You're carrying them around. You think you might...? He might be the one?" The words were acid in his mouth.

Shawn shoved the condoms back into his pocket, and shrugged in response to Ryan's question.

"You must really like him, huh?"

Shawn nodded, unknowingly turning the knife. "Yeah. I do."

"Well, I guess..." Ryan swallowed with difficulty, turning back to busy himself with unpacking the dishes, "Have fun then."


Shawn smiled with pleasure seeing the trouble Bo had gone to make them Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. He sat at the table across from the other man and tucked in. The food was good and the conversation flowed between them easily. Shawn didn't even has to force the words, it had been that way almost the whole time he had been seeing Bo, but there was a trick.

He would pretend it was Ryan.

Not that Shawn would every mistake Bo for his best friend, both men were very different, in good ways... but sometimes, when his tongue refused to work he would just sort of picture Ryan there in front of him and the words would come.


After dinner found Shawn and Bo tangled on the couch, hands and mouths exploring.

Bo's hands expertly stroked his sides, fingers pressing against each rib, warm and sure, sliding under his shirt.

"Mmmm..." Ryan... Shawn jolted a little, causing their noses to knock. For the first time in his life, he was glad the words in his brain didn't make it out of his mouth.

Bo stopped kissing his neck long enough to glance up, feeling Shawn stiffen, "Everything okay?"

Shawn just nodded and tried to stop focusing about the fact that he had been thinking about Ryan while making out with Bo. God, if he was going to do that, he might as well just be with Ryan...

And like that, the pieces fell into place.


Shawn wasn't sure what possessed him to go the apartment instead of his house that night. It was late and they hadn't really moved in yet. He let himself in, tossing his keys on the counter and shrugging off his coat.

"So, how was it?" Ryan's voice sounded loud in the dim, quiet apartment.

With a jump, Shawn swivelled towards Ryan who was sitting on the futon in the dark. He put a hand to his chest and gave the dark-haired boy a glare for scaring him.

"Well, what is everything you'd thought it would be?"

Shawn shrugged and tried to walk past him into the bedroom. Ryan stopped him by standing and stepping in his path.

"Just tell me, I can't not know." It was all he saw when he closed his eyes. The other man, his hands all over Shawn, utterly unworthy to touch something so precious. Not that Ryan was worthy, but at least he knew it.

Shawn wasn't sure what to say. What would Ryan think if he told him the truth?

"Was it...was it special?" Ryan pressed, wondering suddenly if he was a masochist for wanting, needing, to hear about the love of his life losing his virginity to another man.

Shawn straightened up, teeth gritting slightly. Now that he recognized his feeling for Ryan, he was absurdly resentful of all the girls that had gotten close to him in the past. Jealous that Ryan had been able to be intimate with them, when he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Ryan when he had been with Bo. "Was your first time special? Were any of your times special?"

"It was always just sex. No emotions involved."

"Why do it if you're not getting your emotions involved?" Shawn asked, confused and irritated at the double standard.


Shawn narrowed his eyes, "Practice for what? Being promiscuous?"

"No, it was all practice for - "

For a brief moment, Shawn saw his black eyes flash with something desperate. He didn't get a good look before Ryan's mouth crashed against his, kissing him forcefully, stealing his breath.

When he pulled back, Ryan's expression was a complicated mixture of anger and defiance and fear.

Shawn stared at him in disbelief, mouth parted dumbly.

"Well?" Ryan growled, defensive to the point to belligerence.

Wordlessly, Shawn shook his head.

"I did just kiss you, didn't I?" Ryan wondered aloud. "I've thought it about it hundreds...thousands of times, but I did actually do it this time, didn't I?" He dragged his hands through his dark hair. "Fuck, fuck, what was I thinking?" He twisted away and paced across the room. "I take it back. We can just pretend it didn't happen. I fucked up, Shawn. I take it back."

Shawn was shaking his head minutely, but Ryan, in his growing panic, did not notice. The blond boy was forced to take more drastic measures, he worked his stiff voice cords, "No."

Ryan stopped his ranting and turned on Shawn, aggressively, "No!? Fuck you, Shawn. We've been friends for 14 years, I deserve this. I get this one fuck-up forgiven!"

"No." Shawn repeated, pleased that his voice didn't waiver so much from disuse this time. He stood to his full height so Ryan wasn't towering over him.

The brunette seemed to crumple in front of him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?! What the fuck do you want from me? I can't...I can't lose you, Shawn. I won't ever do it again; I'll never say anything about it again. You can be with you've you want, I won't try and stop you, just don't...Just don't leave me..."

Shawn shut him up by pressing his lips to Ryan's. It was awkward and stiff and Shawn could feel Ryan tensing under his hands.

Ryan pulled back, his look piercing. "What are you doing?"

"I didn't...I broke up with him." Shawn blurted out.

Ryan expression was closed off, not wanting to believe it in case it wasn't what he thought it was, "Why?"

"Because... he wasn't you." Shawn's eyes sparkled with promise.

For a moment Ryan said nothing, the words settling, heavy, the air. "Are you sure? There's no going back for me, Shawn. You don't know how long I've waited –"

"This is what I want." Shawn swallowed, throat working convulsively, "You're what I want."

"Shawn, you have no idea –"

"No more talking." Shawn breathed.

Ryan didn't have to be told twice, he reached up, hand cupping Shawn's jaw. He leaned in and kissed the blond, tongue teasing against lips for entrance. Shawn melted into the kiss. This, this, is what it should have like been all along. Ryan's hands, Ryan's mouth, Ryan's body.

Shawn moaned into his mouth, clutching at him, body twisting forward, blood suddenly on fire.

Ryan broke the kiss, pulling away. "Bedroom."

Shawn nodded, letting Ryan grab his hand and pull him towards the bedroom.

"Fuck," Ryan growled seeing the twin beds. He pushed Shawn into the room, pointing at the nightstand, "Move that."

Shawn looked around the small room, perplexed, there was no floor space free. "Where?"

"I don't care, anywhere. In the living room."

Shawn lifted the table and carried it out, coming back in time to see Ryan shoving the beds together.

"Come here." Ryan commanded, holding out a hand.

The blond closed the space between them and Ryan bore him back into the beds.

Never taking his eyes off of Ryan, Shawn pressed back into the mattress, awkward and endearing.

Ryan leaned over him, capturing his lips with another deep kiss. His hand slipped down the front of Shawn's jeans, pressing against the fly. Shawn gasped lightly, his hips rocking forward instinctively.

"Does that feel good?" Ryan's raspy voice came close to his ear.

Shawn nodded quickly.

"Use your words, Blondie. Tell me how it feels."

Shawn could only gasp and then moan embarrassingly.

Shawn tried to push Ryan's hand away, it was just too much, the feelings too intense. Ryan caught Shawn's hand with his free one and pinned it back over Shawn's head. "Do you want me to stop?" Ryan asked as he palmed Shawn's erection through the material of his jeans and squeezed.

Shawn bit his lip and shook his head, blond hair falling into his eyes.

"Use your words." Ryan pleaded roughly, "I love it when you talk just for me."


"That's a good start." Ryan leaned more heavily into Shawn. "I need my hand back; I want you to hold onto the headboard."

Shawn hesitated, staring up at him.

"Go on, Blondie, do as you're told."

Shawn stretched up a little, grabbing onto the wooden slats in the headboard.

"I'm going to take your cock out," Ryan explained explicitly, his voice ragged against Shawn's ear. "I want you to watch my hand stroking you. Can you do that?"

Shawn opened his mouth, mute. A humiliatingly needy whimper escaped his throat.

True to his word, the next thing Ryan did was slowly unfasten the button at the top of Shawn's fly and then drag down the zipper. Ryan tugged until Shawn's jeans slid down his hips and then reached up to pull Shawn's boxers down over his jutting erection. Shawn's arms jerked, banging the headboard against the wall.

Ryan stopped and looked at Shawn firmly. "Just keep holding it, maybe next time I'll tie you in place."

The position of Ryan's hand made it impossible to miss Shawn's response to that remark. Ryan's smile was a little bit crooked. "I take it you don't mind that idea. I don't mind it either. I'd keep you tied up in my bed all the time if I thought I could get away with it.""

"Ryan..." Shawn watched Ryan warily, pressing back into the pillows. He didn't let go of the headboard, though, he didn't even think of it.

"It's okay, Blondie."

Shawn was so caught up in his own thoughts and the novel feeling of being stretched on the bed, at Ryan's mercy, that he jolted when Ryan's fingers touched against his temple, brushing the bangs off his face.

Next, the dark haired boy reached down and finished freeing Shawn's cock from the front of his boxers. He slid his hand around the length and unhurriedly began to stroke.

Shawn closed his eyes when Ryan's fist closed around his dick, it felt so good it was almost painful.

Ryan spoke, low and gruff, the lingering remains of the jealousy that had filled him all week driving his words, "None of that, Shawn, I told you I want you to watch me."

Shawn lifted his lashes, looking straight into Ryan's intense black eyes.

"Good boy, now watch, down here." He gripped a little more firmly as he said it. Flushing, Shawn dropped his gaze. His cock throbbed when he saw the dark pink shaft held securely in Ryan's hand, the dark-haired boy's long fingers clenching and twisting from base to head.

Ryan reclined on his side next to Shawn, his body pressed closed as he played with the blond's fully hard prick. Shawn could feel Ryan's eyes on him, but couldn't look away from Ryan's fist pulling down over his foreskin, drops of precum starting to roll down over the tip.

A moan caught in Shawn's throat. He arched up, pushing his hips. The motions were involuntary, an attempt to fuck Ryan's fist. Shawn's chest strained, arms over his head, knuckles white as he held the headboard. Ryan's stroking became sharper and Shawn's thrusting became more erratic.

Shawn panted and cried out unintelligibly.

"Talk to me, Blondie." Ryan coaxed, voice rough with need.

"Ryan! P...please!"

Without taking his hand off Shawn, Ryan fumbled his own fly, jerking it down and his erection springing out, thick and dark, pulsing already.

Shawn stared down transfixed.

Ryan swallowed, nervous about taking someone to bed for the first time. It felt like it was his first time, too. And, in a way, it was. He had been with girls before, but never another guy. He had never crossed that line, saving that for Shawn.

It was more different than he expected. Shawn was almost as tall as him, his body all hard plains and angles instead of soft curves, not to mention the iron-hard prick currently twitching in his fist.

He pressed his own erection up against Shawn's, hot and slick with the precum, holding both in his hand.

He stroked them, rutting , pressing down on Shawn. The air was filled with heavy breathes and throaty moans. "That's it, Shawn." Ryan praised huskily. "I want you to cum for me."

Mouth falling open, Shawn arched on the bed, fingers nearly slipping off the slats. He tensed, the muscles in his arms flexing as he pulled the headboard, cumming all over Ryan's hand and his belly.

The sight and feel of Shawn's orgasm was so arousing, Ryan found himself thrusting down, one, two, more times before cumming himself with a hoarse cry.

Later, as the sweat cooled on their skin, Shawn lifted his head, eyes a little glassy as they sought Ryan out, words bubbling out effortlessly. "I don't know why I didn't realize it before."

Ryan met his eyes, pulling him tighter, apparently orgasms made Shane more talkative. He'd have to file away that bit of knowledge. "Hmmm?"

"I never thought about you being that for me."

Ryan expression turned a little more serious, "What's that mean?"

"You're everything else for me," Shawn explained, "I don't know why I didn't see this sooner."

Ryan wet his lips. "Everything else?"

"My best friend. My family. My voice. You've been everything."

"And I always will be." Ryan punctuated the statement with a soft, prolonged kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Ryan."

"Merry Christmas, Blondie."

Shawn's Epilogue

XxX XxX XxX 20 years old XxX XxX XxX

"I told mom we'd be over by noon tomorrow." Ryan called from the bathroom spitting out the last of his toothpaste.

Shawn made a sound of approval as he turned the covers down in their bed on Christmas Eve. The two twin beds had been exchanged for a double within a month of moving in last winter. The blond crawled in against the wall.

Ryan finished in the bathroom and turned the lights off, walking across the room to slide into the bed himself, pulling Shawn into his arms. "It'll be cool, eh, to host Christmas for my parents, your dad too...once, you're my husband."

Shawn looked at him, mouth opening and closing like a fish

"Relax, not now. I'll ask you in three or four Christmases."

Shawn hit him playfully on the arm and then pressed to his side; head finding the familiar crook of Ryan's shoulder.

"Just out of curiosity's sake: How are you going to answer? In three or four years."

Shawn just rolled his eyes lightly.

"Well? C'mon..."

The blond leaned in and kissed him, effectively shutting him up.

Ryan took over, pressing Shawn back into their bed, hands pulling at his pyjama pants, tongue invading his mouth insistently.


The next morning, Christmas morning, Ryan woke up in their bed alone.

He could hear, Shawn up and moving around in the kitchen, obviously making breakfast.

There was a note on his pillow.

Ryan opened it, expecting to see Merry Christmas inscribed on the scrap.

It didn't read Merry Christmas. There was just one word written on it in Shawn's familiar, messy scrawl.