I.

You said one thing today

under your breath, like I wasn't supposed to hear

that stopped my heart

and my mind went blank

For the life of me, my words jumbled out

And i couldn't speak

I wanted to stop in the halls

and tell you how afraid I was

I realized

you don't know true fear until

you think of how life could have been

or worse- how it couldn't have been

had the past only been a bit harsher

II.

Darling, I apologize

For talking about Him, capital H

Or Calais or Kyle or Bloodstreak

Whichever name for him appears

Because really, i make it out to be so much worse

Spit his name like a vulgar bug

And freeze when he enters my living world

But honestly, it's nothing

We were friends that didn't last

A song that turned bitter

and perhaps lyrics that weren't supposed to be sung in the first place

It's been almost a year

and I realized I no longer give a damn about him

III.

I already see where this is going

With the ring on the necklace

The bracelet, but better

Because the bracelet...

I'm not even sure if really happened anymore

Yes, it was His gift to me

When we were only 10

But maybe I'm creating it in my mind

because what I believe if only a sliver of everything else

I used to freak out when I didn't know where it was

But, now, like with Him

I don't know where it is anymore

I'm okay with that.

IV.

When I feel asleep next to you last night

remember this- I trust you above anyone else

While I love sleep, i find it hard to drift off around people I don't trust

Call me paranoid, call me crazy

But I just can't

(Like your inability to sleep on buses)

But with you, I feel safe

The only way I can fall asleep now

Is imagining that your next to me

and I know I'll hold onto the real feeling

as long as I can

Clutching paper thin tendrils of evanescent darkness

of you and me and feeling your heart beat underneath your skin

V.

The longer I spend with you

It seems

The more people realize what they didn't see

I take pride in this

Not in the way when I'm the first to discover a new book

Or song

And everyone thusly is reminded who introduced them

But proud in a way that I'm proud of you

And proud of us

But either way, your mine

You already know that well enough

But I like saying it anyway.

VI.

I try not to be that jealous type of girlfriend

But sometimes the words slip out

The envy whispers nasty things

And I can't help it

But I know you

And how you never could

I couldn't either

You don't ever have to worry

I don't even see other guys

Like how you claim other guys flirt with me

(Still curious who, babe, but I have a feeling you won't tell me)

For the record

I don't believe you that they do

I like to think I'd notice a little bit

But maybe I'm just too caught up in you

VII.

This is shorter than the previous ones

Maybe because we have less to say

and not in the bad way

in a way that it's almost un-needed to write these things

you already know some

but i haven't written anything worth while in days

and you're not the excuse to write

rather, the reason

VIII.

While watching you play today

on that video

I was firstly caught off guard by the beauty

secondly, your face that glimpsed the camera's screen every so often

and thirdly I couldn't help but laugh

first because of the way your fingers move

and I can't help but remember what Tea or Senja

say about fingers that move like those

and secondly

because of what I saw on the edge of the piano

Because it's so you to have that in the background

And it just makes me happy for some reason

And made the song and video so much more beautiful

IX.

I've never gotten better gifts than what you gave me

Your smile

Your time

Your love

I didn't need anything else

But yet you did

The waltz I hum in my mind when you don't know

I keep the picture in my sketch book

And whenever I can't make my fingers draw anymore

I peek to the back

And the ring...that's the best

It means more than what it simply is and says

I feel like it's the ring of power

which perhaps is only fitting

because of the fandom that you love

the day my birthday falls on each year

and the specific year and birthday you gave it to me

Mostly, i like knowing that wherever you are

whatever your doing

maybe your fingers are ghosting across it as well

X.

Jack and Sally

I was always inthralled by their love

and i wished for it with all my might

for my jack to come along

and for years and years he didn't

there were times i believed it was

but i'm glad i waited

not all knights are dipped in silver

gleaming perfect

with snow white horses and billowing flags

I much more inclined to the meek ones

with dented armor

jagged battle scars

and the shattered sword

Those are the ones with the better story

and those are the ones that have seen enough

been through enough

have lost enough

to cherish what they do have

XI.

I forget how young we are sometimes

You seem matured beyond your age

People always say that I'm a kindled soul

You are as well

which is why we work well together

but there are times, when you are preoccupied

and silent and merely watching

I remember you're only 16 and i'm only a day or two over 17

and we have so long to go yet

days grow increasingly harder to stay as we are

because we can't do more for another two years

(and all I want simply is to able to fall asleep next to you, nothing shady about it)

and we must be nothing special

people see us together and don't understand

or assume we're the kind of couple to break up shortly after dating

by now we both know better

seven months is a long time

but it's already been a year for me

and I still feel just as in love as that first moment

XII.

We are so comfortable

with each other

in everything we do

and yet...

I still am finding new things about you

My tiger

My rock

My musician

...My precious

Mine

One day the pictures we have now

I can imagine us showing our kids one day

maybe laughing because our son looks like you did

maybe he'll have your green eyes and my black hair

or our daughter

my blue eyes and your light brown hair?

is dating a guy is high school

and looks like we did

or because we're embarrassing them

I do want them someday kids...

but I also just simply want life with you

In a house somewhere, where we're both working

and we come home each day and can laugh with each other

watch movies, like we do now

and maybe just spend the whole night asleep on the couch

because we forgot to turn the tv off and we're both to tired to move

XIII.

Do you remember last year?

Spring break? How hard that was?

Imagine it this year.

I don't want to.

This year will be worse.

It's been a while since we went a day without talking

Imagine seven whole days without contact

I'm going to miss your voice first

The voice that hums songs all the time

because there's music always in your mind

(And i wish sometimes I could just look inside and see what you're thinking)

the voice that vibrates when you laugh and I'm leaning against you

Or carries through the infinite darkness when there's hardly a sound

and you have to talk quietly

Then I'll miss the rough caress of your hands

Soft and hard and gentle but breaking all at the same time

Lastly, yes I'll admit it

I'll miss your eyebrow and how you move them when you talk

but we both know I'll never say it out loud

XIV.

You are everything.

You are what I want.

What I need.

What I didn't think I'd ever find.

Ever and Always.

Now and Forever.

My heart, my soul, my life is yours.

Loving you is like breathing, how could I stop?

Soul mate.

I will never comprise anything with you, because I don't have to.

I am my most pure self when I'm with you.

You add the color to the places I thought were were meant to be black,

and I'm glad I was wrong.

Je t'amie.

Je t'aime de tout mon cœur

À toi, pour toujours

Je veux passer la reste de ma vie avec vous

And when all other thoughs have left my mind,

the one that keeps coming back

is simply

I love you.

IV.

Two hearts in love need no words

A silence speaks louder than either of us

could ever say

Green chips of emeralds blinking

dimly lit

bodies shuddering

careful breath

hands brushing up

foreheads resting

as we move to fit

like our bodies were always meant

to be against the other

each carved

with the intention

that we'd be whole again one day

XVI.

Let's continue with our piece of forever

don't worry about what they say

they won't matter in the long shot

because who really cares

if we're young

we won't be forever

by this time next year, I'll be 18 and you'll be catching up

after that

it's just you and me

before college

but that can't

won't

I won't let it

break us

someone that makes me laugh like you do

makes me so undeniably happy

so bright and full of life

...why should we end that

because distance doesn't mean a thing anymore

And love never has had any boundaries