My face became heated as my cheeks turned blood red. My muscles tightened, lips formed a hard line. With flaring nostrils and crazy eyes, I screamed. I screamed until my throat was dry and my eyes were watering. Screamed until it hurt.

How did it come to this? I thought as I lay on my stiff bed. My eyes stayed on the blood stained wall, tracing the lines with my mind. It amazed me to think that just an hour ago my arm was healed and healthy. An hour ago, everything was okay. One. Hour. Ago.

My eyes drifted to my ugly, marred arm. It began with many little slices in my wrist, but as mu anger rose, the cuts became deeper and longer. The pain didn't occur to me until I was done. I dropped my arm and sighed.

Why did it come to this? The only way to know is to go back to where it all started: Laylana.

I was twelve when I first realized I liked Laylana, but never thought anything of it. Liking girls is normal, right? We were at my house, wrestling, arms flailing around each other, kicking and giggling. Laylana had pinned me to the ground, our breaths in sync as we huffed heavily, smiling at each other. My eyes lit up as I felt a surge of recognition, of longing. We both just stared at each other, our eyes looking past the surface, into one another's soul. It seemed like hours before our gaze broke, and Laylana had rested her head on my chest. She stroked my soft, black hair, smelling a hint of mango shampoo and soap.

I stayed perfectly still, in fear that this moment would end. With gentle hands, I moved them up and down Laylana's back slowly. As our soft pink lips inched towards each other, Laylana let out a soft sigh, and sparks flew the moment our lips touched. Like magic, I felt something change inside of me. Something that I now wish would just go away.

I, now 17, stare blankly into the distance, waiting to feel something more than numb. I'd rather feel pain and suffer through the heartbreak of losing Laylana to Derek, than feel as if nothing matters. As if I doesn't have a care in the world, when really, I do. It was just this morning that I caught Laylana with Derek behind the school wall. It was September 12th, our five year anniversary, and I had planned the best night for us, but when I caught them with their hands all over each other, lips locked in a way so passionate and knowing, I froze. It was as if my heart had exploded into a thousand little pieces and then shattered again. I wasn't filled with anger or hatred, just disappointment and betrayal. Tears stung in my eyes, but I didn't will for them to come.

"Laylana…." I cried, my voice cracking as if it was sore.

Laylana and Derek instantly broke apart. Laylana's eyes filled with regret and sorrow, begging for forgiveness, unsure of what to say. Derek just stood as still as a statue, as if frozen by fear of what I might do to him.

"Aida… I…" Laylana began, but stopped when I put my hand up.

"I don't want to hear it…" I said in a strong voice I didn't think I had, "How could you? On today of all days? At all?"

Tears poured like a river from Laylana's eyes. "I don't know what to say… I am so sorry, Aida…"

Then I snapped. It was as if everything inside me clicked again, and all I could feel was rage. "Sorry? You're…Sorry? I find you over here making out with Derek and you're just 'sorry'? Wow. How can you… what… I can't even look at you right now!"

I turned on my heels and ran away. I ran until my heart couldn't take the speed anymore, than ran still. Finally collapsing on all fours on my front porch, I cried. My sobs were heart wrenching and loud. The pain clear as day but my mind darker than ever. I want it gone. Everything to be gone. The one person I ever loved had just stabbed my heart as if it was nothing, and threw every beautiful moment away.