I love you.
I've loved you for about a year now, ever since Mrs. Dempsey's class. You just seem so real and down to earth, and I love that in a guy. I love it when he can be real like that. I love how intelligent you are, and how eloquently you speak. I love that it makes me uncomfortable how much I love you.
When we first met, you didn't know me and I couldn't pick you out from a crowd. I was in class when I heard that your friend had accidentally broken your leg, but I didn't really put two and two together that you were the boy I had met in the nurse's office with ice on your leg (and in tears) until I saw you at graduation on crutches, because I had heard someone saying that you weren't going to give a graduation speech, which was reserved for valedictorians, and you hobbled up the ramp on your crutches when they announced who the valedictorians were.
That was when I realized who you were, but two years would pass before I fell in love with you. Hopelessly in love with you. So in love with you that I can't even function half the time. It's funny, it's been about a year and I still care about you so, so much.
When I see you, I can start to blush uncontrollably and I get a warm feeling in my stomach, and if it was audible, there's one dead giveaway that would make me run and hide every time I see you: It's my heartbeat, because it always speeds up when I see you, and I get weak in the knees and just smile like an idiot.
I don't know why you're so special to me, but you are. When I can't sleep because of my insomnia, I think of you and I am at ease. When I don't want to get up in the morning, I think of you, the most beautiful man I've ever met, and force myself to put on a happy face. Because, quite simply dear, you make me happy, even if you don't know it.
I wish I could talk to you, get to know you better, and maybe, just maybe, get you to return these feelings. But I know that I can't, because I'm shy and I can't talk to you and I just don't know what I would do if I ever had to. We talked once in Mrs. Dempsey's class. A few times, actually, when we did that group presentation. And even though I'm shy, it killed me when I said something that made you laugh, just because I was pointing out the obvious to a girl that was just a bit ditzy.
Also, this year is our junior year. That means that come April, we'll be going to prom. And in November will be fall formal, like always. And next month, for the first time since we've been in high school, we're getting a homecoming dance. And I want to go with you to all three dances. I want to be with you the whole night and just enjoy each other's company. I want to laugh and dance and just be myself with you, but I know I'll never get the nerve to ask you to go with me and you're never going to ask me because, well…why should you?
If you ever told me you loved me, I would be surprised. I'd be downright confused, actually. Why should someone like you ever love someone like me? I'm sure there must be some likeable qualities in me, sure. Like my ability to hold an intellectual conversation, and my creativity, perhaps. But something lovable? No, there's nothing lovable about me. I'm just a girl with a whole lot of feelings and emotions about you, and I can't contain them. I just want you to love me for who I am, even though, like I said, I'm a bit shy of 'lovable'.
But if you ever told me you loved me, I'd smile and say, "I love you, too, Liam."
My name is not Jessica, the boy I am talking about is not named Liam, and my teacher's name wasn't Mrs. Dempsey. But in the off chance that anyone I know irl finds this, I don't want it getting out who "Liam" really is. I care so much about "Liam" though that it's getting insane. I think about him day and night and I can't really stand much more this: Pretending that I don't. If I had the nerve, I might actually give this letter to "Liam", but I'm terrified to, and it'd look creepy. I also have social anxiety, so I know I'd just have an anxiety attack if I even worked up the nerve to try. So...yeah. u_u