I am a young girl to your eyes, but I have lived since the dawn of man.
It was a very trying time then. Men were dumb brutes dragging their hairy knuckles and bonking each other with huge clubs, not unlike the apes of today.
It was one hell of a job getting a date.
It's still the same today.
I am a spell caster... the original spell caster.
I wrote the book of spells. It's lost now.
And my mission is to find it. It's too much work to start up another. So help me.
I need a few useful lackeys, er, I mean companions to join me on my quest to find my book. I think it might be hiding in the future.
Did I say this was 1712? I know it's 2012 where you are. So that's the future for me. But wait, the Grimoire of Gremlins, a good book written by Merlin, no not the Merlin of lore, but the first Merlin, my favorite pupil, too bad he went... er... bad and I had to neuter him.
Well, yes... the Grimoire of Gremlins says that the best time to cast a counter spell is three hundred years after the spell was cast. Earth Mother, that is such a long time... for a mortal.
But I am Immortal. Remember?
So that means I have to get to the future. That is to your present.
Once I'm there, I am going to recruit a few of you people to help me. I will need a big strong one, a quick agile one, a dreamy one that has the smarts, a resourceful one to be able to quickly get things done and one useless retard to get everything wrong. To keep things interesting you know.
Let's see now... what is that spell that's going to take me to your time. Do I remember the words and sequence right?
Of course I do silly... I invented it.
Here I come.