And tonight, like most nights, thoughts of you come creeping back.
They churn in the back of my mind waiting for a moment when
my mental barriers are weakened,
with liquor and discord,
to flood my mind with
guilt and happy memories of the times we shared.
No matter how many times I tell myself that i was different then
and that there's no point harboring self hate now,
it makes no difference.
That loathing and the thoughts of self harm are still there.
You saw something in me that I failed to live up to
and still don't believe I have in me.
No one had ever treated me like that before.
With so much compassion.
You made me a better person than
I was,
I am and
I ever can be again.
I have nothing left and nothing to give you. I can't make any promises
and i'm so scared of
messing up again.
I really believe that
sometimes the best thing for certain people is to stay apart.
Is it my own selfishness that makes me want to see you?
Seek forgiveness and beg for you to see me
like you once did?
Would i sleep better if I just had a chance to say,
I'm sorry?