A/N: Hi everyone! This time we bring to you a darker, more...angsty story. And it's long :D Well, by my pathetic standards it is. Anyway, there's a serious warning for this one. Still, I swear, I've seen worse things on this and FanFiction, okay? And yes, we know that If You Hear Me, Let Me Know needs to be updated and that Abyss is supposed to post jay's past soon. But...well...after exams, we promise!
The title comes from the song 'Trashed and Scattered' by Avenged Sevenfold. It's really good, although it doesn't really relate to the story much. I just took the title. I don't own it, of course. But you should try listening. It's good.
On with the show~


Trashed and Scattered

He stands at the open door, unable to say anything. His clear, grey eyes are wide open, dark brown hair falling over them, almost obscuring all emotion in them. He pushes them aside, and the horror and disbelief that clouded them shone through. His mouth is open, but no words escape. The nearly naked blonde on the bed raises his emerald orbs to meet his grey ones, and the guilt that flashed through was evident. He scrambles up immediately, but is restrained by another figure on the bed that the dark haired one does not recognize. " Er..Eric, I can explain," the blonde whispers. The man whose name the gorgeous blonde had whispered so fearfully, had backed up against the door. " Forget it, Jay. I don't want to hear anything." He hissed, and the door was slammed shut.

Perhaps, if he had bothered to stay, he would have seen Jay tear at the silken ropes that bound his arms to the bed, see him tear them into useless strands with an almost inhuman force and deliver a blow to the unknown man's face, screaming curse words at him. Perhaps if he had actually paid more attention to the scene than just his feelings, he would have seen the long, red lines that decorated the blonde's pale, slender back, or seen the fear that his face had held. Perhaps he would have seen the force and lack of willingness in the act on Jay's part. Sadly, humans tend to listen to their feelings more. And he had walked out, leaving everything behind.

"Eric, please, let me-" Eric slammed the phone down and sustained the urge to throw the phone at the door when it rung for the eighteenth time that day. He picked it up, and promptly slammed it down again. It started ringing almost immediately, and he growled. The moment he brought the receiver to his ear, he snapped, " I don't give a fuck on what you have to say. Stop dialing my number or I'm going to call the police." With that, he slammed the phone back down and, for good measure, unplugged it. He sighed, and went to the balcony. He had quit smoking two years ago, but now seemed like a good time to start again. This was the last straw, he couldn't bear seeing his loved one being fucked by someone other than him. Standing on the balcony, a lit fag held in between long fingers, he stared out into the orangey reddish late-afternoon sky, a tear slowly making its way down his cheek. Normally, at this time, Jay would be beside him and they would both be curled up on the couch, watching about ten minutes of whatever movie that either guy had picked out and having sex for the remainder of the film. He allowed himself a few more drags, before re-entering the house. The house—it seemed weird saying that. He remembered that gorgeous moment when he had purchased it with Jay, with the intention of living together. They had started by furnishing it, then , moving Eric's belongings into it. Jay had stayed at his place for a while, packing up slowly, but coming over to the modern two story home every afternoon, and leaving the next day. In fact, it was that very day where Eric was supposed to help Jay move some things over. Not anymore though. What was going to happen of them? Eric sat on the couch, feeling numb all of a sudden. And that was when the bell rang.

Eric opened it. A slightly smaller, blonde man stood outside. His green eyes were damp and rimmed with red. Jay. "Eric, look, I need to tell you something. No, don't shut the door! I know how it looked like, but please, hear me out, he-" Eric cut him off by slamming the door shut. He would have succeeded, if not for the foot that Jay stuck in between the door and the frame. "Get your damned foot away," Eric hissed. "I don't want to fucking hear your excuses, you two were fucking each other, what more is there?" Jay shook his head vigorously. "No, he was fucking me, I didn't have a choice!" he protested. "Look, give me ten minutes and I will explain everything to you." Eric narrowed his eyes. " You have five minutes," he replied reluctantly. "Thanks, okay now, look, it wasn't me-"

"Get straight to the fucking point."

"He forced me, Eric. He forced me, he literally tied me down—see my wrists?—and just shoved himself into me, he was hitting me, it's just that you didn't look properly-"

"So now it's my fault?"

"What? Shit, that came out wrong, I didn't mean it in that way, as in, if you had looked-"

"You are basically blaming me."

"I…no, it's not your fault. But I just want to tell you, it really isn't my fault, he knocked me out…and…raped…"

"In your own home."

"He was a old….customer….said he had news on you-know-who, and I just…I didn't think that he would…"

"And so you just let him in? Just like that?"

"I….I….yes, I know I shouldn't have but, I was really afraid, what if he had broken out of jail? Look, Eric, can't you believe me? "

"Your time is up."

"Wait, let me-"

"Get the fuck away from me, you little slut."

Jay drew back, hurt clouding his eyes. Eric tried to ignore the little inner wince, he knew that he had hit a raw nerve. "Don't ..don't call me that…" Jay whispered. "Isn't that what you are?" Eric replied sharply, and then bit his tongue. Angry as he was, he really shouldn't have said that. But it was too late. Tears formed at the younger man's eyes. At that moment, he knew he should apologize. But pride stopped him from doing it. "I really didn't….why can't you believe me?"

"Because you're nothing but a whore, that's why! Do you really think that I would believe someone that has spent his life bent over for other men?"

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Eric could have shot himself. Tears were starting to fall, and Jay looked like he had just been slapped. "Eric, stop…"

"No! I'm sick of this, Jay. You seem to put that asshole in front of everything else, even if there's a fucking huge risk! Whenever there's news to report on him, you run off like a bitch. How many dates have you cancelled? How many times have I seen you with other guys?"

"It all means nothing! You have no idea how hard it is for me too, I have come this far and I don't want it ruined! I don't want to go b-"

"Well, you should. You know what, Jay? Go back to sucking cock and being everyone's little whore, because honestly, that's all you are ever good at." Eric spat out. Warning bells were going off in his head, telling him to stop, but he couldn't. All the pent up frustration was coming out, flowing out faster than the blood in his veins. "Eric, don't, please," Jay choked out. "I…don't do this to me.." Eric stepped off the porch, into the light evening drizzle, and backhanded Jay. "Get the fuck away from me." Before Jay could continue, he slammed the door and latched it. Almost immediately, Jay started pounding on the door, screaming for Eric to come out. And being promptly ignored.

Eric groaned and stared out of the window. The banging had finally stopped, after about half an hour. It was raining heavily outside, water striking the glass windows and lightning flashing across the dark sky every now and then. He knew Jay had probably gone home, no one was mad enough to stay out in that weather. He glared at the happy couple on the TV screen, still seething. He knew he was being cruel to Jay, but he couldn't stand being taken for granted so many times. Maybe he could not see how afraid Jay was. Maybe he could. Maybe Jay hadn't really changed. Once a slut, forever a slut. Eric laughed bitterly to himself. He was foolish for believing Jay, wasn't he? Or was he not? Was he being too harsh? So many unanswered questions, but Eric refused to think anymore. In his eyes, Jay was no longer there.

It was still raining about two hours later, probably even heavier than before. But Eric was getting impatient, he had left some papers in school and they desperately needed marking. Which meant he had to drive down to get them. He sighed. Looks like he would need to go out into the storm after all. Cursing his students, he grabbed the keys and unlocked the door. And stepped back in shock.

Knelt down on his knees, on the mud covered ground, was a slender figure. His blonde hair was at least five shades darker from the rain, and plastered to his skull. The figure was shaking from cold, and when he raised his dull, green eyes to meet Eric's, he could see how pale he was. Jay. He hadn't gone home, the little fuck had actually waited for him. In the rain. For more than an hour. At this point, some of the ice surrounding his heart melted. A very small amount. Not enough to thaw him out though. And hence he did something he still regretted to that very day. He kicked Jay. In the ribs, with his hard, leather boots. Like he was an annoying animal. The younger man cried out as they made a sickening crunching sound and he stumbled backwards, clutching his ribs. "Eric, don't-" Too late, a hand had come down and slammed straight into his jaw. "When I say get the fuck away, I mean get the fuck away." Eric snapped. "I don't want to see your filthy ass on my property." Jay swallowed, hard. And raised his eyes to meet Eric's again. "No," he replied simply. "It's over, Jay. Go home. Stop wasting my time, stop wasting yours," Eric stepped forward a bit. "No…" Jay shook his head stubbornly, spraying water droplets everywhere. A wave of irritation came over Eric. He just wanted to get the damn papers, not deal with him. He took another step towards Jay, who was starting to look afraid. "I'll make you then." And, silencing his screaming conscience, he shoved Jay as hard as he could, in the vague direction of the gate.

He didn't see the sharp rocks that protruded out from around the large fish pond that Jay had insisted they installed. He didn't see Jay stumble and slip on the wet ground. And when the blond head hit the rocks, only then did he see red spread throughout the wet locks and stream down his face and neck. And he could never forgive himself for hurting Jay. He could have stayed to help him. He could have tried to lessen the pain. He could have done something other than simply walk away, leaving jay to pick himself up. He could have. But he didn't. He disappeared back into the house, leaving the bleeding figure to get up and limp off on his own. He could have prevented what happened next. He could have. But he didn't. Pride was such a cruel thing, wasn't it?

His head was spinning, and the scent of iron was all too strong and familiar. Jay shivered, and continued walking, trying to ignore the dizziness that threatened to shut him down, the pain that was screaming inside of his body. And, as cheesy as it sounds, all that added up was nothing compared to the pain that his heart held.

Eric had kept him going. But he was gone now, what more was there left for him in life? He coughed, and rubbed his eyes. Jay had no fucking clue where he was. But he didn't care. He just wanted to walk on and on, into the blackness that surrounded him. Never coming out. Jay laughed humorlessly to himself. Life didn't work that way. You don't run away from your problems. He had tried to, but look where it got him? Broken hearted, for the hundredth time in his life. Only this time, he had really loved Eric. It wasn't just sexual lust. And, still deep in thought, he continued walking aimlessly.

He didn't see the two figures behind him. Like two, dark sinister shadows. And by the time he realised that he was being followed, it was too late.

One of them grabbed hold of his arm and the other slammed him roughly into a wall. "Wha-?" he barely had time to finish the word when one of them stuffed his fist into his mouth. "Shut up," he hissed, and the other yanked at his hair with a dangerous smirk on his face. "He's a pretty one," he murmured to his companion, and Jay shivered. "We're going to have so..much..fun.." The guy that fisted his mouth gave him a creepy grin. Jay shook his head violently, and instantly felt another wave of dizziness overcome him. "No…don't black out now.." he screamed at himself. "Let go of me!" he shouted, trying to bring up his legs and kick the men. "They are better when they struggle," the one on his left said hungrily. His friend laughed. "He's all ours."

Jay whimpered as one of the men started licking his neck, running his tongue over the smooth, pale skin and biting onto his jaw. "Come on..Let me see more of you.." he murmured and in one swift movement, ripped his shirt clean off. Jay shivered as the cold, night air hit his skin. "You're gorgeous," the man started running his tongue down his chest, and bent down to more secret areas. Jay started thrashing around even wilder as one of the men started caressing him through the denim of his jeans. "Stop, don't, please.." the man looked up. "Now he's just plain annoying. Gag him, Dan." The guy whom he called Dan removed a ball gag and stuffed it onto Jay's mouth, muffling him. And, in one swift moment, his jeans and boxers were yanked down, exposing him completely and causing tears to roll down his cheeks.

He was spun around and slammed against the wall face down. A wave of pain shot through his already injured head. He heard the sound of a zip being slid down. And a feeling of dread crept through him.

Dan forced his hard length deep into Jay, pleased with the whine that he got in return. Without waiting, he started to slam into him. His large hips crushed the thin, pale ones. Jay was crying now. He knew, grown men don't cry. They just don't. But it hurt too much. He was waiting for it to be over. He just wanted to be back in Eric's arms, with his beautiful, gentle lover. Or ex-lover. The guy's cock was hurting him, tearing into his insides and painting his legs with streaks of red. It seemed like ages before Dan finally came inside of him and pulled out. But it wasn't over.

"Conn. Your turn," Dan turned to his companion. Conn grabbed the thin shoulders and flipped him over roughly. Jay curled up into a corner, not caring that he was getting the wet mush on the ground all over himself. Fuck the rain. Fuck everything. "Look at us, slut," he hissed. And Jay curled up tighter, refusing to lift his eyes. Conn growled and yanked the wet blonde locks, forcing his head up. "Open your mouth." Jay kept his jaw firmly clamped shut. And was rewarded with a punch to his neck. His jaw was forced open and Conn shoved his length down his throat. He gagged and bit down. Conn redrew immediately, and slapped him hard. Jay spat out a mouthful of blood and glared upwards. "You slut…you're going to regret ever biting me." Three quick snaps later, and Jay's jaw was hanging open, broken and useless. His thin, dirty fingers clawed at the ground as Conn began to fuck his throat, choking him. "Swallow," he spilled himself down Jay's throat, pulling himself out midway and painting his hair and face with white, sticky streaks. "Jay allowed the semen to slide down his throat, hating himself for listening.

He was fucked again, and then slammed repeatedly with a baseball bat. It had hurt more than a whip, crashing into his ribs and denting his skull. And when they finally left him alone, he laid there, blood pooling around him and life leaking away. He didn't think he would be able to live anymore. Not after this. And he didn't want to either. Eric wasn't his anymore, the one and only person who had truly cared about him. What was there left to live for? Hell, he was plain stupid for thinking that he could even find happiness. He should have known from day one. People, normal people got love. He, he was nothing but a whore. A slut for everyone to use, then cast aside. He didn't deserve to be love, or to love. Because he wasn't worth anything, was he?

Jay knew he was going to die. He had never really pictured his deathbed, but this seemed like a suitable one. He had grabbed a shard of glass and scraped the words "I'm sorry, Eric," onto his arm. One last hope at forgiveness, even in death. After which he had lain there, in too much pain to move. In his blood and the seed of two other men. He didn't know how long. The temperature fell lower and lower, freezing him to the bone, but still he didn't move. Because no one cared. So why should he? He was better off dead. Wasn't he?

It was about three hours before he slipped out of consciousness. No one could see him, and he didn't know if he was still alive.

By the time he was found, it was already morning. And he still wasn't sure if he was dead or not.

They had managed to identify him, through the bruises and abuse. And they had contacted Eric. Because he was still the closest to Jay. Eric's heart had stopped when he received the phone call. They didn't tell him much, just that Jay had been found in an alley and admitted to hospital. And still, the ice around his heart did not melt. For he assumed that Jay had gone out to drink himself to the point of passing out in a random place. He almost did not want to go. But something was telling him to. That if he didn't, he would regret it. And hence, he did go. And when he stepped into the hospital, he realised just how wrong he was.

The figure in front of him didn't look like his adorable (ex) boyfriend at all. The young man in front of them was broken and bleeding. Dried blood was clinging to his naked body, and his jaw was hanging open. His ribs were in the wrong places, and his head was bent at an odd angle. His legs and arms had been twisted into unnatural positions. His blond hair wasn't so blond anymore, it was streaked with dark red. Eric grimaced at the white stains across his face and hair-he refused to think about it. And his arm—Eric felt guilt creep in as he saw the words scratched into the pale limb. This was his fault. He shouldn't have sent Jay away. Why didn't he believe him? "Is he…" Eric couldn't bring himself to say the word. "We don't know…he's going in now though. Just pray for him, alright son?" Eric nodded and the doctors wheeled his ex away.

Eric had been pacing outside for the past hours. He was getting desperate—he couldn't stand waiting. If Jay died…he kept telling himself that he wouldn't care. But he did. He cared more than anything. Jay didn't deserve this, he was a good person. Eric himself, he, on the other hand, deserved to die, he thought. But now, it was too late. All he could do was wait helplessly, hoping that his lover wasn't dead.

Time passed. Doors opened and shut. Monitors beeped.

It had to be hours until the two, metal doors that Eric had been staring at for so long opened. And the doctors came out. Finally. "Eric?" One of them asked. Eric nodded eagerly. "How's he? Is he alright..?" he whispered. The doctors looked at each other, and Eric felt his heart drop into the deepest, darkest pits of his stomach. Oh fuck. Oh no.

"He's alive. Very messed up, but alive."

Tears sprang into Eric's eyes. He couldn't believe it. Jay wasn't dead. Delighted, he flung his arms around the doctor's broad shoulders. "Thanks, doc, thank you so much!" he sobbed. The doctor patted him awkwardly, and Eric pulled away. "When can I see him?" "You can go in now, he hasn't regained consciousness yet though." Eric nodded happily, and was ushered into the hospital room that Jay had been put into.

Eric nearly broke down again when he saw his lover lying limply on the bed. He didn't look alive, his skin was nearly translucent and his breathing seemed uneven. He didn't allow tears to flow, though. Instead, he walked over slowly, stroking the pale arm that was scarred with his apology. "I'm sorry, Jay. Wake up soon. I love you," he whispered, and placed a light kiss on the pale lips. With one last glance at the sleeping figure on the bed, he walked out of the hospital and into the icy cold February air, promising to visit every day.

He couldn't keep his promise. Things kept popping up, meetings, extra classes…and when Jay finally woke up, he wasn't around. When Jay requested to see him, he had dismissed his lover with a "I'm busy". Only after he had risen from his mentally exhausted state did he realize what had just happened. That Eric was awake. And he had allowed his work to get in the way. Maybe that's what worry and stress does to you. Of course, he had called the hospital immediately, requesting Jay, only to be told that the young man had gone back to sleep. He wasn't able to visit Jay the next day. And the next. Every time he called, Jay was asleep and he was too late. The next weeks were filled with meetings to discuss the year end exams and marking papers. He didn't have the chance to

Going back to work wasn't the same. Somehow, it felt weird seeing a replacement teacher take over all of Jay's duties. And he missed Jay even more. He missed seeing that cheerful, positive smile that showed that he was happy just to be alive and free. He missed being pinned to the wall of the toilets, being kissed within an inch of his life and the rush of adrenaline that it gave him. He missed Jay so much, it hurt. Like a knife stuck in his heart.

The students had noticed a change in his demeanor. He didn't smile much, and no longer tried to think up comebacks to them. Surprisingly, it was class G8-F that seemed to care the most. Gone were the days where they spent the whole lesson talking and teasing him. Now, they were quiet, good as gold. And Eric hadn't said anything to them either. And no one asked him about Jay, not even the teachers. Apparently, they were under the impression that he was in hospital with a broken leg. A broken leg. Eric laughed bitterly. How he wished it was merely a broken leg.

It was after one of his lessons, when he was packing up to leave the class, and one of the students had went up to him. He had raised his head wearily, eager to get out of there and to the damned meeting that was keeping him away from his boyfriend. "Are you alright?" Those three simple words shocked him, of everyone, he didn't expect that kind of concern to come from a member of the worst class in..well, ever. And she was joined by a few other girls, all concerned. "I'm fine," he had replied, a forced smile gracing his features. And then one of the girls piped up, "It's Mr. Hunter, isn't it?" Eric froze. "What makes you say that?" He said, his face carefully impassive." You've been all moody ever since he stopped coming," she replied. "Is he alright?" Eric debated to himself if he should tell them or not, and sighed. "No, not really," he mumbled. The girls looked kind of stunned by his reply, they had expected a yes or something. "He didn't break his leg." Eric continued. "He was raped."

The look on the girls' faces were priceless. If the mood hadn't been so serious, he would have whipped out a camera and snapped a photo immediately. "Mr. Hunter, are you serious?" One of them choked out. He nodded. "Don't go around telling the world, they don't need to know what really happened," Eric added. The girls nodded in silent promise. "You and him…you two are…" One of them stuttered, and Eric nodded, and shook his head. "I..I honestly don't know," he muttered, staring at his shoes and feeling a blush creep into his cheeks. He was a fucking teacher for fuck's sake, why was he spilling his life problems to a bunch of students? And then a voice in his head replied," Because you have no one else in life to turn to, other than Jay." And Eric felt a shiver run up his spine as he realised just how right the voice was.

Admittedly, he had felt better after talking to those few girls, they were surprisingly good listeners, and he decided that the class wasn't that bad after all. As long as they kept their mouths shut. But he had a feeling they would. Eric checked his watch, he had five minutes before the meeting. Time to attempt to call Jay again. He dialed the number and waited impatiently for him to pick up the phone. This was by far the earliest he had tried calling him and he was pretty sure Jay was still awake. The first thing he was going to do, he decided, was apologize to Jay. And then he would—"Hello?" he heard a smooth female voice on the other end. "Oh…um, hey, I'm looking for Jay Hunter…he's a patient.." "Cute and blonde?" she asked. Eric felt his insides tighten. He knew Jay was gorgeous, but this was the first time someone actually said it to him straight into his face. Jealousy. He swallowed. "Yep, my boyfriend," He emphasized on the word, and he could almost imagine the woman's face. "Oh..hold on please…." She stammered, and Eric smirked, feeling rather childish yet pleased. He waited for a few seconds, before she returned. "I'm sorry, sir, he checked himself out today," she replied, sounding slightly worried. "What..what the fuck?!" he practically yelled. "But the doctors said he was supposed to stay for at least a month or so! At the very least!" he shouted. "I'm sorry, sir…but…I'll…let you talk to his doctor, alright?" Eric shut his eyes. This wasn't happening. Jay couldn't have just..left. It was impossible. The line clicked again, and a deep male voice filled the phone. "Mr. Christian?" the voice asked. "Where's Jay?" he asked immediately. "We are very sorry, Mr. Hunter insisted on checking out today morning, said something about having enough and not caring anymore. We tried to persuade him otherwise, he wouldn't listen," the doctor said gently. "Is he alright?" Eric whispered. "He…he's stable enough," the doctor replied, sounding slightly doubtful. "He left a letter for you though." Eric grasped the phone tightly and shut his eyes, digesting the information. "Thank you, doctor," he replied and cut the call. Now he had something else to worry about. Why the fuck was Jay so stubborn?

Throughout the meeting, he couldn't sit still. The principal was droning on and on, and he just wanted to get the fuck out of there and to the hospital. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she shut up and ended the meeting, and he was out in a flash. He arrived at the hospital in record time, and ran in, feeling slightly cold inside. And scared. What if the letter was a suicide note? He didn't dare to think. The doctor had spotted his lost figure immediately, and given him the letter with a sad smile and a reassuring pat on the back. "Thanks, doctor.." Eric clutched the letter tightly, and drove home, the letter burning a hole in his pocket.

He had showered and made dinner, eaten, cleaned the house, marked some students' work, and done many unnecessary things. In reality, he was just stalling. He didn't want to read the letter, but at the same time, was dying to read it. He stalled until he could stall no longer, and finally settled on the cozy sofa to read. He peeled the envelope open carefully, removing the letter running his fingers along his name, written in Jay's neat script, on the envelope. And finally, with trembling hands, he unfolded the letter.

Dear Eric,

By the time you read this, I'll probably be gone. Don't worry, I'm still alive and I'm not going to jump into a river or in front of a car. I don't think I will be committing suicide anytime soon. So don't worry about that. Not that you are. Do you even care about me anymore?

I miss you, I really do. Do you know, I waited up every night for you, hoping that you would come visit me. Or at least call. The doctors and nurses told me to sleep, but I couldn't. Because I didn't want to miss out just in case you actually called. I waited and waited. I thought I had at least some hope. But you didn't seem to care. I guess that it's really over, isn't it?

I'm sorry for everything, I really am. I guess I shouldn't have let my past get in the way of our relationship. It was incredibly selfish of me. I'm sorry for being who I am, and I realised, I don't deserve someone like you. Eric, you're a gorgeous, smart, charming man. And I'm just a cheap whore who everyone fucks but no one keeps. Until you came along. Y'know, you're like my savior. You made me see how amazing life actually is. For a while. But some people aren't meant to live well. I guess I'm just one of those unlucky, jinxed bastards.

Words cannot describe how grateful I am towards you. The past year that I have spent with you, it has been the best days of my life. But as they say, all good things must come to an end. I should have known this would happen sooner, I just refused to believe it.

I know I don't deserve it, but all I want is your forgiveness. I want to die in peace someday, knowing that the only person who has cared about me, even for a short period of time, left me on good terms. I know this is a lot to ask for. I'm sorry, Eric, I really am.

I've changed my phone number, and I'm probably going to move somewhere else. Another country, another life. I don't know where I'm going yet, but rest assured that you won't see me ever again. I'll miss you, Eric, but don't miss me. Because I'm not worth it. I hope you find another man that can make you happier, as happy as you made me.

Thanks for the memories.

Forever and Always,
Jay Hunter

Eric put the letter down and took a deep, shallow breath. He just realised that he had been holding it all along. And then it hit him like a bucket of ice cold water. Jay was gone. He wasn't dead, but he was gone. But that was just as good as being dead, wasn't it? Eric stared at the neat rows of black writing, the ink curving gracefully and dancing over the paper. They became blurry black spots as tears clouded his vision and started dripping down his cheeks.

On the other side of the country, a slender blonde figure was standing in the middle of the airport, hands clutching his bags tightly, face pale and tired. This was it, he thought. Time to start anew. And, taking a deep breath, he limped into the departure hall, smooth blonde locks falling over his eyes to cover the tears that threatened to fall.


Life continued for the both of them. Eric's life fell into a regular routine. Wake up, eat, work, eat, work, home, eat, work, sleep. But there were days where he could not stand it. The misery he felt about losing Jay would take over his emotions. Days where the sky seemed dark even though the sun was bright and shining, days that seemed cold even though it was in the middle of summer. And he would spend the day staring at photos of him and Jay. He would strip down, sit on the bed and shut his eyes, closing his hands around his cock and running it up and down, teasing himself to the brink of dark, guilty pleasure, and with a certain blonde running around in his mind. And he would allow tears to fall slowly as he climaxes. But it was never the same. It didn't help. Jay was a part of his life, a part that was probably gone forever.

Life wasn't any better for Jay either. He had moved around, from one place to another for a few months. It was almost impossible to find a place that pleased him, and he eventually returned home. The country was big, he was pretty sure Eric couldn't find him. But to be on the safe side, he moved to the other end. He had tried to find a teaching job, but it was hard. In fact, it seemed that every job was taken, or did not want him.

Bills needed paying, he needed to be fed. And he had resorted to the only way out. By then, he was sure that he was destined to be everybody's slut for the rest of his pathetic life. Why fight fate? He had come across a huge club, it was bright and flashy. He hated it. But the club seemed to love him. And eventually, he was hired as a dancer. Jay hated himself for doing this, he was practically going back to square one. But he had no other choice, right?

Eric continued teaching. He had grown fond of class G8-F. They treated him really well, after Jay disappeared. And, he knew that they were the only people that he had in his life.

Jay, on the other hand, had immediately hated his job. Every night, he would prance out in some slutty outfit that barely covered him up. Every night, he would be forced to strip down in front of crowds of people. Every night, he would be hauled off a few times into a few rooms, being fucked into the mattress, then left alone with a stack of cash by his head and his dignity gone. The price he paid for survival. In the daytime, he would go out to look for a job. Anything was alright, even if it meant working the cashier. No such luck. The other guys at the club hated him, hated him for stealing away every customer. At least they didn't try to hurt him.

Eric pulled his coat shut, and shivered. It was February, and it was cold. He had been sent across the country to attend a training course, and had just gone out to grab lunch. Snowflakes fell around him, and he continued walking, past a street with many brightly lit clubs. He ignored them and continued walking faster. It was getting really cold and he wanted to return to his hotel as quickly as he could. Before he got caught in a snowstorm. Snow crunched under his feet as he hurried on. February. In just a few days, it would be exactly a year since he last saw Jay. Since he drove him away…Eric shook his head. He refused to think about it, knowing that he would start crying, and the last thing he needed was icicles hanging out of his eyes. He looked down at his phone. There was a shopping mall a few hundred meters away, and there was bound to be cabs there. He nearly dropped his phone as a sharp, shrill scream pierced the silent night. "What the fuck?" he thought to himself, looking in the direction where it came from. Silence. He turned towards the mall, and there it was again. Along with coughing and some crying. Pleading. Eric knew he should just turn around, that he shouldn't look for trouble. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to leave.

The first sign of trouble was the group of guys that were crowded around one of the alleys. One of them raised a bloodstained wooden plank, and brought it crashing down, causing a hunched up figure that cowered under them to cry out and curl up even tighter. "That's what you get. Your existence disgusts me," he snarled, and his companion kicked at the figure. Eric watched, horrified. "Go help him!" that annoying voice was back. "Are you crazy? They'll kill me!' he hissed back. "Well, they will kill that person if you don't move your ass!" Eric forced the voice back down, and looked around, praying for a cop to arrive. Not that there were any, who was crazy enough to be out in this icy weather? Eric clutched the brick wall and nearly fainted as red started to pool from under the men's feet. "Oh god, no.." he whispered. There was some prodding, and one of them muttered, "He's probably dead. Let's go."

Eric ducked behind one of the pillars as the group walked out, dark liquid staining some of their jackets and hands. He felt sick just looking at it. After checking that they had safely returned to one of the clubs that lined the streets, he darted into the alley and came face to face with a crumpled figure that lay against the bits of discarded wood and metal that lay in a corner. He bent down and shook the pale arm gently. "Hey, can you hear me?" he whispered. The figure groaned, and creaked one eye open. The dazzling green orb met his, and the young man tried to get up, blood streaking his bare chest and legs. Eric blushed as he realised how naked the young man was, and looked away quickly. He fell back with a wince. Blood dripped down the young man's long, untidy hair. Eric pushed a few strands back, and looked at his face with concern. And nearly died.

Jay had been lying there, bleeding and on the brink of death for the second time in his life. He should have known that they would hunt him down and hurt him eventually. But he hadn't expected Eric to be there. Hell, he didn't intend on seeing him ever again. But he wasn't complaining. Because, although he was bleeding and broken, lying on the icy ground, he was happy.

Eric stared at the equally shocked blonde wordlessly. "Jay.." he whispered. Jay hung his head a little. "I'm sorry…I didn't have a choice. No one wanted to hire-" He was cut off as Eric grabbed him and hugged him tightly, tears splashing against his neck. Eric buried his face in Jay's neck. "I..I thought I'd never see you again," he whispered. "Jay..I'm sorry. I missed you so much.." And Jay cuddled up to Eric, making little purring noises that always drove Eric crazy. "I missed you too…are you still angry?" he asked. Eric shook his head and held onto the slender blonde, refusing to let go. "Don't ever leave me like this, Jay. Please," he mumbled. Jay smiled, despite his tears. "I won't. I promise."

After the hugging and kissing had died down, it dawned upon Eric that Jay was still injured and covered in blood. And naked. Hurriedly, Eric grabbed the ripped pair of black jeans that lay in a corner and pulled them onto the long, pale legs. Jay smiled and allowed Eric to hoist him up. "Where are we going?" he asked sleepily. "Hospital," Eric replied firmly. Jay sighed and curled into Eric. Despite their current situation, they were probably the two happiest people in the world.

Jay looked up at Eric, and back at the needle poking him in the wrist again. "You won't leave me, will you?" Eric looked down and grinned. "Not this time, sorry. It takes more than this to get rid of me," he stroked the soft, shining blonde hair and kissed Jay's forehead affectionately. "Good," Jay purred and sank back into the pillows. "So, they were beating you up because you stole all the guys?" Eric asked. Jay nodded and Eric laughed, much to Jay's annoyance. "What?" He asked crossly. "I just find it amusing…so many people find my boyfriend attractive. Lucky old me," Eric replied and Jay blushed. He had been worried that Eric would be mad at him for whoring himself, but surprisingly he had understood perfectly well, and was willing to put that behind, as long as Jay quit his job as soon as possible. Jay had picked up the phone and dialed his boss immediately, much to Eric's delight and amusement. And that night, both of them, for the first time in a year, slept peacefully.

Eric looked at Jay, who was staring out of the plane's window. "How long more?" he complained. "Eager, are we?" Eric smirked. "I just..I just can't wait to see our home…life…back to normal..you think the school would let me continue teaching?" Jay asked. Eric laughed. "Why not?" he smiled, and Jay leaned into him as the plane prepared for landing.

It was still there, and more gorgeous than Jay had remembered. Eric had taken good care of the house, and the modern glass windows shone in the sun, the curtains drawn open to reveal the sleek furniture inside. The pond was still there, complete with fishes and flowers were spilling everywhere. And Jay smiled blissfully, breathing in deeply. He was home.


A/N: And we're done! We're not begging for reviews, but do drop us a message or feedback on this, cause it's our first fic of this...style, and we need advice on if we need improving, and if you want more.