I saw her standing in front of the window. Wide open.
Felt like she was so vulnerable, every tint and hue braced out of her, falling right into my vision. She was so open, yet so closed up.
I tried to reach within her means of dispair, wanted to lure into her secrets not because she was waiting for my advice, she just wanted someone worthy enough to just listen to her.
I stepped in closer, into the pitch darkness, where only moonlight highlighted her features.
Her wavy curls blowing from the force of cold wind. I wondered if she felt goose bumps.
I wondered if she felt cold. Cold because of her stress. Cold because of her sorrows. Cold because of her close edged being or just cold because of the sake of wishing to be numb and shut her humane side.
She closed her eyes as if she wanted to be blind for a moment. Trying to escape her feminine thinking , it just leaves her tired and weary. Her forehead creased. I wondered if she was sad.
If a picture could describe what sadness looked like , her tilting of head towards the window, welcoming in the feel of cold breeze said it all.
" Why don't you speak ? " . I asked her.
It felt like time froze for a second there. Her posture changed an angle. She faced me , eye lids slowly opening up. She took into the eerie view of the room , so dark and distinct, just like her.
Her eyes landed on me and I was suddenly able to catch the significant dilemma of hers. She stared at me , as if daring me to know every bits of her. Inviting me to know her from top to toe. Only did she know , I would be the only one knowing because I'm standing in the same room as hers.
I saw her borrows meet each other, was she just confused or dumb founded?
" I want to know you." I said. I didn't know her name.
I wanted to know this girl, who's locked up in a sad locker like me. Why did we both had to end up in the same phase anyway? I thought about it over and over again. I sighed, kind of irritated and moved away from her , completely into the mere darkness where I could only see her.
Was there a look of disappointment, relief or both on her face ? I wanted to look in closer , but that meant I had to illuminate myself again into the moonlight and stand at my old position. I didn't wanted that , so I stayed where I was , nowhere, but dark where she couldn't see me.
She looked down , contemplating , battling with her snide thoughts but not spilling a word out. She turned to her open window again. It was just so wide and appealing. Does it lets you forget pain , I wondered for a while. If so, I can't let her relish it by herself, I want to join her.
I was in a battle field, thinking to let my stubbornness go and join her with a pleasing look.
But she didn't talked to me. I felt the pang of stubbornness again, no, I won't join her, she needs to invite me in. Moments passed, and I saw a small hint of smile , lifting up her features, it aggravated me.
" We're locked up in sadness you know, doesn't means you can smile like that for long."
Was I trying to make her feel like I do? but she already did. She has got that window side for her , and I am supposed to stay at the dark side , where moonlight can't touch me. I needed to make a move.
" Is it so bad ?, me prying into you, I just want you to reply me." I stood up.
She rested her head against the window pane. Rested her thoughts at the far end of her mind. Rested her posture in the least bit of uncertainty. She motioned her hands towards me.
Finally. I breathed.
She'd let me in.
I walked in closer, not sure how to approach.
" I'm not sure what it is , but I have a feeling , that you have been there, what I feel every second here in the dark side of the room. Why is it that you get the window and I don't."
She silenced me with her look and spoke for the first time.
" Come, stand beside me."
I settled myself beside her.
" finally, I get to see what's so special about this window in this crucial room."
I looked in closer, I saw nothing . I looked at it again. Nothing.
I faced her with a questioning look, and saw her smiling just like before. So I looked back at the window, smiling this time and there, I found it.
It had been three hours since I had talked to her, despite my never ending wrath to her I couldn't let myself to lay all the blame on her. What's so wrong about sharing ? why did people have to be so worked up about it , I know I'm being diplomatic but doesn't that makes you think clearer? feel better?
Now just sitting there like a fool, fuming over the fact that I'm stuck here with her was getting under my nerves , what have I gotten myself into ? I shouldn't have pried into her, I was just better off without this nightmare and suddenly I realized, isn't this a one ?
Yes, it has to be , why would I be stuck in a cage of sadness, with and eerie looking girl who wouldn't show that she's alive rather pretend for it for a few moments, who wouldn't care less about answering me, and the damn window , what hope did she found in it ?
She's so utterly blind , she can't even come up to right conclusions.
Done with talking ill of her I couldn't do anything but just doze off, hand over my mind to an unconscious state and so I did.
My eye lids fluttered open, it took me few minutes to focus at my surroundings and wash away the blurry image , I rubbed in my eyes to get a clearer view as my eyes landed on her again , seated like me at the far corner and mumbling something under her breath.
'I's now or never.' I said to myself and found myself walking towards her direction , why did it seemed to effortless to me ?
I silently sat beside her , aware of our approximity I had to gulp in a few times to find courage and ask her already ,couldn't do so, and that's when her thoughts started to loudly roar in my mind. I couldn't believe it , I could read her mind , loud and clear and it seemed like she didn't had a clue about it.
She was thinking about a crowded city, was it her home ? something along the lines of...
The sensory input was astonishing, her thoughts were quite vivid too , the smell of vehicle exhaust mixed with food from vendor carts, the shouts of hawkers blended with music from street entertainers, the awe-inspiring range of faces and styles and accents, the gorgeous architectural wonders…And the cars, wow, frenetic flow of tightly packed cars was unlike anything I'd ever seen anywhere. There was always a patrol car, or fire engine trying to part the flood of yellow taxis with the electronic wail of ear-splitting sirens. I was in awe of the lumbering garbage trucks that navigated tiny one ay streets and the package delivery drivers who braved the bumper-to-bumper traffic while facing rigid deadlines. The citizens cruised their way through it all, their love for the city as comfortable and familiar as a favorite pair of shoes. They didn't view the steam billowing from potholes and vents in the sidewalks with romantic delight and they didn't blink an eye when the ground vibrated beneath their feet as the subway roared by below, while I grinned like an idiot and flexed my toes.
" Is that your home you are thinking about ? ." Her head jerked up with a pleasant look on her face. She nodded briefly . " It's beautiful". " Indeed."
"So,.." I started. " You're a city girl I guess , huge ambitions ? ". I tried to barge in, she nodded again , solemnly this time. I slight vainly look flashed before her eyes and I just couldn't resist myself asking her.
" would you ...would you show me more ? ". And there, I see different flashes of her in my mind.
She walks around an empty apartment. The rain pounding against the window panes, her only company. She will retreat back to her warm bed after a while.
It's lonely here.
Thin legs wrap around a pillow. She wills it to be alive. Outside is getting darker, the light streaming in through the blinds gradually withers towards death.. night is coming. The unnatural glow of the computer screen illuminates her vacant visage as she tries to smile back at the happiness on the screen.
The only light. As much as she wants to take however a small comfort in the warmth of the blankets, it's oddly warm outside for January. And she's restless. She pads around on socked feet, compelled by a need to get up and just walk every now and again when the itchy restlessness becomes too much. It's too warm. Though eventually, the restlessness combines with a hunger and she has to leave. She hopes the trip will provide solace from both the hunger and the restlessness, as they have become quite the nuisance. A quiet drive in the rain. She eats the food alone, quietly.. trying to fill the oppressing silence with the voices from the unnatural light. It proves quite unsuccessful. The food went cold. That night, she goes to sleep, the mindless droning of the television as her only companion. A book lies forgotten on the window sill, unable to quench her thirst. Again, skinny legs are wrapped around the pillow.
" Cities are magnificent , but that's how we live there, returning to those neon lights and waiting papers." She said out loud.
" You call that home? " astonished I asked.
" No , but it's best to spend my whole life hiding myself away."
" Why? tell me ..". She looked up , ready to hear her answer finally, I eagerly focused on her next words, which were cut short suddenly by an intruder.
The intruder wore a black armor , something about him made me feel very uncomfortable, he had a mask on , as if stepping right out of a war zone he , weapons tied against his chest and breathing heftily he remained in his strong posture taking account of the situation. The bizarre intruder walked forward grabbing me by the arms and motioning ourselves towards the locker's door. Was he finally getting me out of here ?
" Who are you , and leave me this instant!." He stopped for a fraction of second and presumed to take me along with him.
" Look-" , I started insistently, " I need to talk to her now , and why are you doing this ? doesn't she gets to go out of here as well? "
The intruder showed no signs of stopping, I felt aggravated and turned my head back to look at her.
"And destiny gets them every time, so they leave." She said , looking plain and stricken as usual.
"No ! I don't want to ! this intruder isn't just letting me go !" I tried reasoning to her.
Her head dropped down solemnly , " I know" she said. " There's nothing we can do about it now, can we?."
With that I saw myself parting away from her as the distance between us increased, I saw her figure blend away into a black blur until I saw nothing but pitch blackness.