Hey guys in case you're just now reading this, to understand this story you need to read The Man Whore, the Jerk, and the Class Clown first. This is a sequel okay! So enjoy. I'm really happy about sharing these stories with you guys and here's my promise every weekend I'm gonna be sitting here typing if not feel free to message me and tell me to get my lazy butt to work. And on to the story.
I lay on the beach sandwiched between Taylor and Kristen. Best thing about my dad's house. It's big and it's a beach house. Alison and Zack are on their Senior trips in Barcelona, and Jeff has a part time job and comes to visit Kristen every weekend. If you're wondering what happened to Lisa she is now at a teen correctional center and currently undergoing therapy. Told you that bitch was crazy. No matter. Taylor is down here everyday because his parents conviently bought him a house right next to my dad.
Translation: "Sorry we're not home most of the time here's a new house to spend your days with your girlfriend."
It's not as bad as I thought it would be here. It's actually pretty awesome. Plus there's this bar called Banana Shoulders ;-) that we hang out at. So all in all my summer is turning out great...except for what happened next.
I get up to go back to Banana Shoulders to get another Guava Mango Tango smoothie and a BBQ hamburger for Taylor when this totally cut guy walks up, blue and white surfboard in hand, dripping wet shaggy brown hair and a face to die for...you know if I weren't already taken.
First words he says to me: "Dtf?"
And if you don't know what that means Google it.
"Excuse me?" was how I responded.
Then he gives me this big broad, Colgate tooth commercial grin, like I'll think it's cute or something. "Are you dtf?"
So I take my $2.99 Guava Mango Tango and dump it right on his crotch then walk back to where my step-cousin and boyfriend are seated blabbering on about how Snooki is such a crybaby.
"Where's my burger?" Taylor asked dumbfounded.
I look toward the ocean and awkwardly wipe my hands on my bare legs. "Oh you know I didn't get it."
Taylor raised an eyebrow pulling my chin down so I'm forced to look at him. "And why not?"
"Oh you know because I was busy dumping my smoothie on some guy's crotch because he asked me if I was dtf," I answered all nonchalantly.
Which by that point Taylor's baby blues go stone cold, sapphire hard, and he looks as if he's about to hunt half the beach down when wouldn't you know Mr. DTF is running up towards our little group.
"You," he says with a very pissed off look and narrowed green eyes, "are a fucking bitch! You owe me a new pair of trunks!"
Since Kristen is pretty much routine on this she grabs one of Taylor's arms and locks her legs around his waist. It's surprising that he doesn't squish her seeing that she's so very little. But no she just holds on to him like a little blonde Swedish monkey.
"I don't owe you anything but a kick in the man parts," I retorted.
That's when Mr. DTF takes a step forward and smiles all leeringly, and I assume Kristen is having a tough time because Taylor is going ballistic behind us.
"You're feisty. I like that." He reaches out to caress my face when I growl at him. Yes I growl, no I don't care if people think it's weird. Wanna call me a bitch then jerk I'm gonna act like a damn dog. But no I get the opposite reaction, expecting him to cringe and walk away. His smile just gets bigger. He glances behind me at Taylor and Kristen entangled together as if they had just finished a game of Twister.
"Hey Kristen!" Mr. DTF says with yet another big grin.
"Bryce," she hisses.
He winks at her and trots back down the beach surf board in hand. Kristen lets go of Taylor, and he's about to bolt when I stick my foot out and send him sprawling into beige colored sand.
"Oomf," he winces as his body comes in contact with the earth. I know it was wrong, but I can't let Taylor rip the boy's penis off. Even if I really want him to. Plus I'm still perfecting his anger issues.
Instead of meeting what I know is a pissed off look from Taylor, I turn to Kristen with my own. "Why did you let him go?" I pratically screech.
She rolled her eyes and turned her nose toward the sky above. Can you blame me for wanting to punch her at the moment? Don't get me wrong I love Kristen like she was my own sister, but you make me angry, and you're gonna wind up with a bloody nose.
"Because," she said snottily, "I hate Bryce."
"Why is he a manwhore, jerk, or class clown?" Taylor asked shooting me a dirty look as he brushed wet sand off his knees.
Kristen huffed, "Well since I've been here he's been all of the above. Ugh and his girlfriend, Jedda. Lisa was crazy I'll give her that, but Jedda is an uber bitch!"
Both Taylor and I exchanged glances. To hear Kristen curse was...well like going up to heaven and finding God smoking crack. It's just not possible.
I cocked my head to Taylor and smiled.
"Oh no," he said raising both hands, "Oh no. Positively not Courtney!"
I jutted out my lower lip. "Pwease?" I asked in my most cute Kim Possible puppy dog pout voice.
And it works...everytime. Because you know what? No one can defeat the puppy dog pout!
Taylor groaned audibly. "Be lucky I love you," he said giving me a playful squeeze. "Now I'm starving let's go get my hamburger."
"Ja," Kristen said slowly, "I think I'm gonna go back to the house." And without further dispute she picked up her Alvin & the Chipmunks beach blanket and started walking toward the direction of the house.
I shrugged and trudged my way throught the thick sand all the way to Banana Shoulders. I got another Guava Mango Tango, and Taylor got his burger when hell breaks loose...again. Because you know hell always breaks loose around me. I'm the Boy Trainer I'm not supposed to live a normal life, and you know what? I'm perfectly okay with that. Being normal is so overrated. Be a dork and have fun. Do the weird shit you wanna do and fuck the people who says you're weird for doing it. If they were real friends they would support you, not put you down. Anyways I'm sucking and he's eating...wow that sounds really bad. Courtney get your mind out of the gutter. Oh you know what I mean. This lovely tall brunette comes running up to me. And when I say tall I mean tall. Like model, Tyra Banks, 5'11 tall. With all this shiny brown hair that's cut into a perfectly styled bob. Which kinda made my over flowingly long hair look well...pretty much suckish. Not saying I hate my hair. I don't its freaking awesome, and it can look just as good as hers if it weren't for the fact that I spent two hours in the ocean earlier.
So Little Miss Long Legs jabs me in the chest with her very sharp looking acrylic nails and goes, "Stay away from boyfriend bitch! I don't give a fuck if you're new here, but get this straight BRYCE. IS. MINE!"
And you guys are gonna be so proud of me. I didn't even curse her out...or hit her for that matter. Oh I thought about all the nasty little words I could say to her. I thought about bashing her cute styled little head against the stool my butt just vacated. But no I simple emptied my Guava Mango Tango for the second time that day...only I may have emptied it into her bikini top.
Little piece of advice if you never heard a mean girl scream before (especially if she's one of those prissy ones) then consider yourself lucky. It's not pretty. At all. Quite the opposite actually. I think I'm suffering permenent deafness in my left ear. She screamed loud but stopped very abruptly when she caught a glance at Taylor.
I know my boyfriend's hot and all but this was ridiculous. Even I don't rape him with my eyes that much. And she was doing some definate eye raping.
Which made me clear my throat and go, "Uhmm I don't like your boyfriend nor do I want him. He's a pig now I'd appreciate it if you stop ogling mine."
Taylor just looked at her with a neutral expression. He knew enough times to let me handle my own fights when it came down to girl on girl. And no I don't mean that in a sexy lesbian way.
"Bite me!" she retorted then yelled, "OW YOU FUCKING FREAK!"
Well...she did tell me to bite her. And don't worry it was only on her arm. God knows I'm going to have some infection in my mouth she's just lucky I didn't draw blood. Not for her sake but for mine,because if I wind up with some STD because she has yucky cooties in her bloodstream I really will kill her.
By that point Taylor drags me away from screaming Miss Long Legs and tows me back to my dad's house shrieking obscenities.
My dad lays down his cup of coffee and raises one eyebrow at Taylor.
Taylor smirks. "It was a very eventful day."
"I bet," my dad agrees snuggling up next to Heidi on the leather couch. She smiles at me and pats the seat next to her. So what I've been warming up to her. Turns out she's not that bad. A little Barbie-ish but she's okay in my book. I take a seat and curl up to her laying my head on her shoulder. She smiles. Yes I'm a big baby leave me alone.
"Someone made you mad today?" she asked.
"Yes," I pout.
"Aww," she pats my hair. "Would surfing lessons make it better?"
"NO!" Kristen screams before I even have a chance to open my mouth.
I flip her off and she sticks her tongue out at me. "Of course they would Heidi."
She claps her pink nails together. "Yay because I've already signed you three up." She hands me a blue flyer.
The teachers: Bryce Barrow and Jedda Marlin.
Pictures: Mr. Dtf and Miss Long Legs.