A has not talked to me in a while. I am waiting now online. He is from the East Coast so there is a time difference then me who is in the West Coast. My heart is throbbing and pulsing out of my body. I have never felt this strongly for someone. Not even my family. My mother doesn't care and my father…he is just different. Hard to talk to is the perfect way to say it. My heart hides in the crevices of my spine, yet must pump more blood throughout my body because it always seems to lack it when I'm around that man. I have brother too but I don't talk about him. If I don't talk about him then he does not exist. My sister is my closest family but she loves her shoes more than her heart retched brother.
A just messaged me. He is in college somewhere in the East Coast. He said he always has work to do and cannot talk to me. We had made a deal that we loved each other. I have never said that to someone. He said,
"I love you, but we can't tell anyone because I will get in trouble. I do not want to get in trouble with the law. So, be my boyfriend let's just keep is a secret till you turn 18. I am all yours babe. Now and forever."
-A (5 minutes ago)
I am scared to come out to everyone. I don't know what or how I would say it. So I told him that we could have a secretive open relationship. He could date other guys but he would still be mine. I don't want him getting stuck being alone because he cannot see me. So he can sleep with guys and such and I can be with my girlfriend. He was okay with that. He loves me. It's kind of funny. A cute boy actually loves me…wow.
If I did tell my family I know my father would beat the HELL out of me. And my brother…Idk. I don't like my brother. He probably thinks he caused it. He is older than me; close to A's age. I don't like my brother but he likes me a lot.