Wings of Butterflies
It's all silent again;
I'm lying on the floor,
the faint street lights dance within my tears
and, though the weather is warm,
a chill keeps running down my spine
making me shiver,
making me crumble.
I thought I'd allow myself a little selfishness,
a little rant on my loneliness,
a little space for my petty worries.
But just as I let my guard down,
you strike back, after all these years,
I should have known better,
I should have done so many things differently.
And I can't say your every word hurt me,
cause it wasn't even you who told me.
And I couldn't shout back and scream at you,
cause you were so clever to choose your messenger.
The truth sank in a bit too quickly.
I gripped my drink to try and hold on
Didn't you know, I no longer cry in public?
Yes, I fell to my knees, I gave in,
but it was not until everybody left
that I accepted the suffocating pain inside,
a heavy rock pushing me down til I hit the bottom.
But I'm not that fragile little girl anymore.
this time, there's no running away from home;
this time, there's no "Daddy, please"
there's no Princess now, no more.
I'm tired of doing your dirty work.
I've grown up, I've stood up, I've learned.
And though I love you so much
and I know should I give in this time,
just this time,
I know it'd inevitably lead me to doing your dirty work.
I'm sorry, daddy,
but it hurts so much to do this,
it hurts so much that you're away,
it hurts so much that I can't hate you for hurting us
it hurts so much, it hurts so much
to accept the fact
that you left
and now you ask this from me,
and I want to scream,
scream and yell til my throat bleeds,
til the ground swallows the pain.
The world around me is a multicolored butterfly,
swirling and spinning on hight-pitched tones,
when what I need the most is silent darkness.
Two thousand silent tears and a sob later,
I whisper "No."
And it's all silent again,
and I'm still waiting.