A.N: Sorry it's been a few days, I hope you all had a lovely weekend! I've decided to try a different point of view this time around, let me know what you think.


Sunday, October 7th 2012

Dear Diary,

There's no doubt about it that I've been swept off of my feet by one Aiden Collins. He's just such great fun to be around, I loved it! And he seemed to take a genuine interest to what I had to say, you know? Like he always listened really intently when I was speaking and always came up with supplementary questions. Some people would just nod and say 'yeah', but he really made an effort to keep the conversation going. That's one of the most annoying traits in people, when they just let me hold up the whole conversation and never really contribute themselves. We spoke about...so many things. Since we'd never really spoken before, there was so much to talk about, so much to learn about each other.

He has these really gorgeous eyes. Blue, but a darker blue, not one you often see in people. They're really inviting and warm, and they light up when he smiles. I sound like some school girl who's totally infatuated with some Hollywood actor, and I think he can do no wrong and he has no flaws. I keep telling myself to get a grip, but he's a really great guy!

Anyway, this biology homework isn't going to do itself?


I definitely liked Aiden. I mean, we'd only been on one date, but it was really fun! When I went out with Paul Jordan last month, it was really uncomfortable, I felt like he spent the best part of the evening just trying to impress me (and failing). The remaining time was spent staring with no discretion at my chest.

Aiden...he was different. I felt completely at ease and we laughed and joked for hours about everything. I never felt as if I had to impress him or act a certain way, and he didn't seem to either. And he was dead handsome, too.

I'll be honest, I never really noticed him before now. I always thought that he and that Ruby girl were a thing. Apparently not, but that doesn't make it any less obvious that she is head-over-heels in love with him. How he hasn't seen it I really don't know. Men are so oblivious. Unless of course he does know. That was quite a confidence boost actually, that thought. To think that there is a chance he could know full well that Ruby liked him, and then totally take his chances and ask me. Of course I don't expect it to be true, but it's a nice thought. I mean, she's seriously pretty. If I was a guy I'd definitely like her, you know?

Another thing that sets me out from some of the other guys is that he's such a gentleman. He could never do too much for me, if you see what I mean. He opened my car door, pulled out my chair, poured my wine for me, everything! And his choice of flower was so adorable! Everybody else goes with the classic single red rose or something else nauseatingly romantic. He chose a tulip, because apparently according to the guy at the florist, they bloom in April. Nobody has ever put that much thought into me before. It's really nice.

I felt like one of the girls in the romance films, where she comes home from her date on cloud nine, and she closes the door behind her and slides down it in absolute delight, giggling to herself as she can barely believe that that just happened to her. She'll dance around the kitchen for a bit, humming a jolly tune and her parents will wonder: 'What's gotten into her?'. She'll sit by the phone waiting for his call, his text. Anything that means she can speak to him just one more time before bed.

Once upon a time I thought those girls were crazy. It annoyed me to China and back that they could be so naive as to all of a sudden put all of her thoughts into one man. To be honest, I still do a little bit. But today I kind of got a little inkling as to why they do it. It was a little shameful, and I had to kick myself a little bit for it, but I'm afraid it's true.

It's only been one date, but already, I think I'm falling for Aiden Collins.


He didn't call. After the date, he didn't call. He said he would, but he didn't. Not even an innocent little text letting me know that everything went just fabulously and that they're moving in together next week and she's already pregnant with twins.

And I do wish he had called. Then I could have been pretending to listen while reading or something while he went on about how great it went. Instead I had to look like I was listening as well, as he sat before me in Maria's Coffee House.

"So beautiful. Oh wait, did I tell you that already?"

"Yes." Four times actually. If there was any doubt on how stunning she looked, just ask Aiden, he will be thrilled to tell you over and over and over again. A plum-coloured dress, in case you're interested. One shoulder, chiffon. How he knew all of these details I really don't know, men don't usually notice much besides the chest. And the ol' backside, of course. Maybe he got it from his mother. Maybe from me.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm going on a bit, aren't I?" He looked ashamed.

"No, no." Yes. Yes you are, I don't want to here how perfect your bloody night was. I'd like to know why you didn't call, and why her? Why not me? Let's face it, deep down inside, I am your perfect woman. Don't deny it.

"Did you, um, finish the history essay?" Good. A topic change, how refreshing!

"Yes." I said. "I finished it all last night. I thought about splitting it up and doing some tonight. But then I thought, no, I'll do it all tonight, because I'll have to be awake for Aiden to call anyway. Only, that call never came." I had had a lot of trouble letting this go. Can you tell?

"I know, and I've said I'm sorry, but, I guess I was just in a post-date trance, and I just completely forgot."

Forgot. The word stuck with me, the little men in the back of my head chanting it. That was it. The first step to neglecting everything that he used to love. I knew my bad feeling would be right, that life as I knew it would come to an end? Remember? This was it. He would forget me. I was losing him already. Our days were numbered.

"Hmm." I wasn't one to hold a grudge, especially not with Aiden, but let's just say I wasn't in much of a forgiving mood today, at least, not after he had made me endure an hours worth of his rabbiting about bloody April Henderson. If however, it had been a huge disaster and he realised mid way through the main course that I was the woman of his dreams then perhaps I would have different ears. You're doing it again, it's never going to happen. Stop.

Silence fell. I really didn't mean to be all cold, but I just couldn't see how I was ever going to be enthusiastic about this. Surely, you understand? Was there any way I could be genuinely happy about this?

I wanted nothing more at that moment to fall to my knees at his feet, telling him I was sorry for being grouchy, begging for his forgiveness and telling him that no other boy in the world makes me feel the way he does, and to choose me. But then what? It would just raise our relationship to a whole new level of awkward.

And it all came down to this. Yes, I had spent A LOT of time dreaming about a potential relationship between the two of us, and yes, that is something I wanted a lot. But it would seem that wasn't an option. I either had being his friend and keeping my feelings to myself, or telling him, creating awkwardness, and losing him completely. I couldn't do it. He was much too important to me.

Losing his was impossible. I needed him too much. I loved him too much.

Thank you again for reading, my lovelies! Have a great day, please review! :)