i just realized that this story will probably never be complete unless the boy and i get together, one of us dies, or until we both graduate. or like i get over him. oof.


"I'm in love." Best Friend announces as she walks up to wait for the bus with me.

I roll my eyes. As I realize she's being serious I become uncomfortable. We're 14. She'll be 15 in a month or so. She's had one boyfriend, a really bad idea, they lasted a month. Mostly they texted each other. Sometimes they would end their texts with an 'i luv u' or something. It was all stupid and they were in 5th grade.

My point is, we don't know what love is. The guy she's claiming love for is a douche and she's been liking him on and off since 4th grade when we met. It makes me really uncomfortable that she thinks she's in love with him. I know he'll never date her though, so I don't say anything against him.

"Tests show that if you like someone for more than four months, you're in love with them." She says, I roll my eyes again. "And tests never lie."

I'm almost going to punch her if she keeps spouting off this bullshit.

"So I'm in love, and I have been for a while."

"I've known The Boy for two years and I've liked him for about 6. I'm not in love with him." I throw in, I can't stick to silent eye rolls if she's going to keep going on about this shit.

"And you're in love with him."

"No, I'm really not." I just like him. A lot.

"Tests don't lie." She repeats, as if that changes things.

I get frustrated, "I'm not."

She rolls her eyes, the bell rings and she ushers me out to start walking to the bus, "You totally are, you showed me that story thing you wrote about the two of you."

"And I wrote in there that I wasn't in love with him."

"Please, you're just in denial." She gets on the bus, then waits for me to get in the seat first. "You were in denial that you even liked him for months."

"Look, I'm not in love with him. I barely know that much about him. You're not in love with your crush either, for the same reason."

"I do know about him!" She's offended. This will escalate quickly to bad things.

I stop myself, "Whatever," I change the subject to Glee and she latches on, not wanting to fight either.

We get off the bus soon and part ways, but I can't get the conversation off my mind. I feel like such an idiot. I'm just like every other teenage girl, claiming love for a boy she doesn't even really know.

And I'm not even dating him. I haven't even spoken to him in like 4 weeks. That's almost a month. The only time I even see him is if I rush from my last class and it's only for 10 seconds. I refuse to let myself be stupid.

It doesn't matter if all my feelings point to signs of love. It doesn't matter if I constantly think about marrying him. It doesn't matter that our children would be so cute and would grow up to have such nice butts. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Just shut up.

I listen to myself and walk to my room, turning on the TV and rolling over to take a nap. I don't think about him being in the bed with me. I don't think about snuggling up against him, even though he's the least cuddly person I know. I don't think about him.

I don't.