That night I was prepared to yell at Antonio until my vocal chords could no longer handle it, but when he finally came upstairs I had a bigger issue to solve.
"So...what are the sleeping arrangements going to be?" I asked, motioning to the bed. The one bed. The one bed that I was NOT sharing. Antonio ran a hand through his hair.
"I guess I will camp out on the floor until my family leaves."
"Okay." I said. He probably thought I was going to insist that I sleep on the floor, because it was his bed after all. But I wasn't feeling to generous at the moment. Normally I would have made him sleep in his own bed and I would have gladly slept on the floor. Well, not then I wasn't. I threw down some pillows and got him some blankets from the closet. Then I settled into bed with 'love comes softly' and prepared to read until my eyelids were so heavy that I couldn't read anymore.
Right as I began to read the first sentence of a chapter, I heard a noise from the floor. It was Antonio clearing his throat. "Emma?" He whispered. I leaned over the bed to look at him. "What?" I snapped, making sure he knew I was irritated.
"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. I can't seem to stop messing up lately. First with the moms group, the Christmas party, that man at the grocery store, and inviting my parents to stay with us. I just wasn't thinking." There was a silence.
"You forgot about the blond with the too short minidress who was sitting on my island. Or are you not sorry about that? " I laid back in bed and rolled over so I wasn't facing the same side as him.
I heard the noise of rustling blankets. Antonio stood up. "Stand up Emma." He said.
I covered my head with a pillow. "Stand up." He repeated. "And stop acting like a bambino." Which I am guessing must mean baby. I groaned and stood up. "Whaaaat? I moaned. He took hold of my shoulders and looked me in my eyes. "I'm sorry. For everything I really am sorry." He said. "Can you forgive me?" I looked at him for a while and then nodded. I moaned when I realized that I also had to apologize.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you all the time. I just get so upset about the things you do sometimes. Every time I feel like I am beginning to get closer to you something stops us." "Emma, what do you think is stopping us from becoming closer?" "Well, the blond first of all, then when we kissed and you never spoke of it again, and then there is the fact that you still keep pictures of your ex wife all over your bedroom. It just seems like you still love her and won't ever have room for someone else in you heart and I realized that I can't live in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life and I don't know what on earth I was thinking when I married you and then I thought we had hope, I thought you were beginning to love me and then the girl and the-" I worked myself up so much I was almost hyperventilating.
Antonio opened his arms and I slowly walked toward him and let him hug me while I cried and cried. I would have been more comforted if he had let me slap him, but his embrace was a little comforting. When he released me I got back in bed and rolled over.
"Emma. We still need to talk about something." He said.
I rolled over to look at him. "What?"
"The reason I keep pictures of Tiffany around is because I don't want my children to forget about her. No matter what she did to me, she's still my girls' mother."
It was understandable, I guess. I knew that he wanted them to remember their birth mother, but I was a bit insulted because I'm their mother now. I love them like they were my own and I guess I was jealous that Antonio cared enough to keep Tiffany as a part of their lives even if she wasn't around.
"I know Antonio, but I am their mother now. Aren't I good enough? Why must you constantly remind everyone that I'm not their real mom? It's because you can't let her go, so you won't let anyone else forget that you had a wife before me and your children have a different mother. "
Antonio paused for a minute and his face crumpled. It almost made me regret saying what I had.
"I-I didn't realize that I made you feel that way." He said.
I stood up, grabbed my book off the nightstand and throw blanket off of the foot of my bed.
"You know what? I'm just going to sleep on the couch. Your mother hates me anyway so I don't really care what she thinks if she sees me sleeping on the couch. And you know what else?" I rambled on, "I realize that this is never gonna happen to me." I gestured to my book.
"I thought that maybe, just maybe we would have the happily ever after like Clark and Marty. You know, where we become a real family and blah blah blah, but I realized that all authors, are liars. They make everything seem happy, and yeah they'll add in some drama to make it seem like real life, but it never is." With that I stormed out and pounded down the stairs.
I laid down on the couch and tried to sleep, but I couldn't. My blood was boiling. I was mad at Antonio, I was mad at myself for the way I acted about him. I was mad that his parents were going to be sharing my first Christmas with my daughters. I was mad about everything, and I couldn't sleep.
Eventually I turned the t.v on and tried to watch some show about Gold mining or something. I wasn't really paying attention.
After I was a few minutes in, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.
Please don't be Antonio, please don't be Antonio. I thought frantically.
I turned around and saw Antonio's father.
"You cannot sleep, my dear?" he asked, sitting down next to me on the couch.
"Not really." I replied, thankful that it wasn't Antonio.
He placed a hand over mine. "I know the holidays can be stressful, and my wife can be... a difficult person to handle. But you must believe that she only wants the best. She is extra judgemental of you because she doesn't want her son and granddaughters to be hurt again. I know you are a good wife and mother, but my wife needs it to be proved to her. You must treat her with extra kindness."
I nodded my head. "I didn't mean to be rude to her. I am just having a hard time dealing with the first holiday season that we've spent together. I'm trying so hard to please your wife, but it just seems like no matter what I do, she will always just hate me."
"I will talk to her dear, don't worry yourself." He patted my hand and then stood.
"Goodnight my daughter." He said, as he walked back up the stairs to the guest room.