The Quest to Impress Haley by Quakerguy

It was Friendship Day and a guy named Jonathan Smith rushed to the local gift shop to buy a girl named Haley Johnson a card.

"One card please." Said Jonathan Smith.

"That'll be one dollar." Said Store Clerk.

Jonathan reached for his wallet, but then noticed that it wasn't in his pockets.

"Hey! Where's my wallet!? I'm sorry but I've got to look for my wallet, Could you make sure that no one buys the card?" Said Jonathan.

"Sure pal." Said Store Clerk.

"Thanks man." Said Jonathan.

Jonathan then walked out of the gift shop to look for his wallet.

"What a fool." Said Store Clerk.

Then Jonathan tried to remember where he left his wallet at.

"Now where might I have left my wallet? Hmmm... Maybe I'll go to Haley's house and see if she can help me look for it." Said Jonathan.

So Jonathan went over to Haley's house and knocked on the door.

"Hello? Is anybody home? Looks like she's not here. I guess I'll look for my wallet in her room." Said Jonathan.

Then Jonathan went into Haley's room and started searching for his wallet.

"Here it is! Wait a minute! Where's my money!? Oh Crap, I remember now. I spent it all on that Hot Dog Eating Contest that I had. Now what do I do?" Said Jonathan.

"Well, you could start explaining why you're in my room." Said Haley Johnson.

"H-H-Haley! I left my wallet here. " Said Jonathan.

"Next time, try knocking on my door." Said Haley.

"I did, but you didn't answer." Said Jonathan.

"I'm sorry, I was too busy listening to music to hear the door." Said Haley.

"It's okay Haley, see you later bye!" Said Jonathan.

"Bye Jonathan." Said Haley.

Then Jonathan left Haley's house.

"Boy, that was awkward." Said Haley.

So Jonathan decided to have a yard sale and he tried to sell his old toys but he only made one dollar because he only sold one toy, but that was enough to buy the card for Haley. So, he went back to the gift shop to buy the card.

"Sir, I have a dollar now. I'd like to buy that card please." Said Jonathan.

"I'm sorry but someone already bought the card." Said Store Clerk.

Then Jonathan grabbed the Store Clerk by his shirt.

"What!? Who bought it!?" Said Jonathan.

"It was a guy named David who was on the show"Talent Search." Said Store Clerk.

Jonathan then let go of the Store Clerk's shirt.

"Thank You, I'll be leaving now." Said Jonathan.

Jonathan left the gift shop but then he ran into his old friend Kevin.

"Hi Jonathan!" Said Kevin.

"Kevin! I haven't seen you in a while! Nice to see you again." Said Jonathan.

"Same here my friend." Said Kevin.

"Listen, I need some help man." Said Jonathan.

"Okay, How much do you want Jonathan? 5 or 10 dollars?" Said Kevin.

"No, I mean advice. Like how to impress girls. You see, there is this girl I love and her name is Haley Johnson. But this guy from the show"Talent Search" named David is trying to steal her away from me by the fame he got from "Talent Search". He is a Hardcore-Punk musician and she is captivated by his 1 minute songs and shouted vocals and also his good looks. So, will you give me some advice?" Said Jonathan.

"Sure Jonathan, but I will only give you advice three times." Said Kevin.

"It's a deal my friend! Now, what's your first piece of advice for me?" Said Jonathan.

"Hmmm... I've got it! Make her brownies, Girls love it when you make brownies for them." Said Kevin.

"Okay, I will make them for her in my Cooking Class. She is in the Class too." Said Jonathan.

"I'm also taking the Cooking Class man, I'll help you make the brownies." Said Kevin.

"Thanks Kevin, you're a lifesaver!" Said Jonathan.

"No problem my friend." Said Kevin.

"Well, I have to go see you in Cooking Class!" Said Jonathan.

"Bye Jonathan!" Said Kevin.

Jonathan left to go to his apartment but then Kevin started talking to himself as he always does when no one is around.

"Sucker, I will make sure he makes the brownies wrong. No one will steal away Haley from my best friend David. Not even Jonathan." Said Kevin.

So the next day Jonathan went to his Cooking Class to make the brownies for Haley with the help of his friend Kevin. Once the Class started, he and Kevin began to make the brownies.

"Let's see, first I have to beat two eggs. Sounds silly but okay." Said Jonathan.

Then Jonathan beat the eggs and it made a loud cracking noise.

"Ouch! That hurt!" Said Jonathan.

"Nevermind about that, put the mix into the bowl." Said Kevin.

"Do they want me to take it out of the plastic bag?" Said Jonathan.

Then Kevin put his hands on his face and sighed.

"Yes!" Said Kevin.

After a while, Jonathan and Kevin finally finished making the brownies. So Jonathan went over to Haley to offer her the brownies.

Haley?" Said Jonathan.

"Yes Jonathan?" Said Haley.

"Would you like to try the brownies that me and Kevin made?" Said Jonathan.

"Sure but first let me give one to our Cooking Teacher Mrs. Jones. " Said Haley.

"Sure, Why not?" Said Jonathan.

Then Haley walked over to Mrs. Jones to offer her some of Jonathan and Kevin's Brownies.

"Mrs. Jones, Would you like to try some of the brownies that Jonathan and Kevin made?" Said Haley.

"Why of course, I would love to try their brownies." Said Mrs. Jones

Then Mrs. Jones ate one of their brownies but she spit it out because it still had egg shells in it.

"YUCK! These are the worst brownies I have ever ate! Jonathan and Kevin, You both get an F!" Said Mrs. Jones.

"Crap it! Why does everything bad always happen to me?!" Said Jonathan.

"Who knows? Anyways, since this didn't work, I will give you a second piece of advice. Why don't you try rock climbing in front of her? Chicks dig a guy that is a good rock climber." Said Kevin.

"That's a great idea Kevin! Thank You." Said Jonathan.

"Your welcome." Said Kevin.

"Well, I have to go now bye!" Said Jonathan.

"See you tomorrow Jonathan." Said Kevin.

Jonathan once again left to go to his apartment because he was bored and had nothing better to do.

And of course Kevin started talking to himself again.

"That moron will never be able to rock climb, he'll make a fool of himself in front of her for sure." Said Kevin.

So the next day Jonathan went to his P.E. Class and was ready to rock climb. He then bumped into Haley.

"Hi Jonathan. What are you going to do today?" Said Haley.

"I'm going to rock climb." Said Jonathan.

"Really?! Are you sure you can do it? You're not going straight to the top are you?" Said Haley.

"Yes Haley, I am going all the way to the top." Said Jonathan.

"Well, be careful Jonathan okay?" Said Haley.

"Okay Haley, I will be careful." Said Jonathan.

So Jonathan went to the platform and started rock climbing.

"Wow! This is easier than I thought it would be." Said Jonathan.

He then climbed some more and finally reached the top of the platform.

"Whew, I made it! Well Haley, What do you think?" Said Jonathan.

"That was amazing Jonathan. But can you get back down?" Said Haley.

"I sure can, Watch me." Said Jonathan.

So Jonathan tried to climb down the platform but then he slipped and was hanging on to the platform by his hands. "WHOA! HELP ME!" Said Jonathan.

Then Haley decided to help Jonathan climb down from the platform.

"Hang on Jonathan, I'm coming." Said Haley.

Haley then climbed up the platform very quickly and made it to the top of the platform.

"Take my hand Jonathan." Said Haley.

"Okay Haley." Said Jonathan.

Then Jonathan grabbed Haley's hand and she helped him climb down from the platform to safety.

"Thanks Haley, That was a close one." Said Jonathan.

"You're welcome Jonathan." Said Haley.

Then these group of students who saw the whole thing started laughing at Jonathan.

"Ha-Ha! You were saved by a girl!" Said The Group of Students.

"Shut up, You morons! Why does everything always happen to me?!" Said Jonathan.

So Jonathan walked away but then he unexpectedly bumped into Kevin again.

"Jonathan! Well, how did things go?" Said Kevin.

"Not too well Kevin, I couldn't climb down from the platform and Haley had to help me climb down from the platform. Worst of all, my classmates saw what happened and started laughing at me." Said Jonathan.

"Nevermind about that Jonathan, since this didn't impress Haley either, I will give you one final piece of advice. Why don't you both go to the Park and climb the monkey bars on the playground in front of her?" Said Kevin.

"That's a wonderful idea Kevin! Thank You My Friend!" Said Jonathan.

"Anytime, Jonathan. " Said Kevin.

"Well, it's time for school to end. Bye Kevin, See you tomorrow!" Said Jonathan.

"Bye Jonathan." Said Kevin.

Then Jonathan walked off to go to his apartment and once again Kevin was talking to himself for whatever reason.

"What an idiot, if he can't climb down a platform then he couldn't climb down from monkey bars either. After he falls off the monkey bars she will think he is nothing more than a pathetic wimp." Said Kevin.

Kevin then started laughing like crazy.

Then Jonathan called Haley and asked her if she would like to go with him to the park and she said yes. So Jonathan and Haley headed to the park. Then they finally made it to the park.

"Haley, I can climb the monkey bars." Said Jonathan.

"Really? That's cool! Show me by climbing those monkey bars over there on the playground." Said Haley.

"Sure thing Haley, Okay here I go!" Said Jonathan.

Then Jonathan went over to the playground and started climbing the monkey bars.

"See Haley, This is easy." Said Jonathan.

Then Jonathan fell off the monkey bars.

"Crap it! Not only did I fall off the monkey bars, I got bird crap on my hands! And I fell on geese turds and got it all over my favorite shirt. Why does everything always happen to me?!" Said Jonathan.

"It's okay Jonathan, I've got some clean clothes at home. Wait here." Said Haley.

So Haley went to her house to go get some clean clothes for Jonathan. But all of the sudden Jonathan started hearing someone laughing. He looked around and saw that Kevin was the one that was laughing. He quietly listened to what Kevin was saying.

"That Jonathan, he couldn't do anything right even if someone paid him too. But at least my best friend David will remain with Haley." Said Kevin.

Then Jonathan got angry and started to confront Kevin.

"J-J-Jonathan! Well, How are you doing my friend?" Said Kevin.

"I overheard everything you said Kevin! I bet you were trying to give me bad advice so that Haley would be unimpressed!" Said Jonathan.

"Yep, And thanks to my efforts you'll never end up with her. David and Haley are meant to be and nobody, not even a loser like you, Is going to steal away a girl like Haley! I won't let it happen! David is my Best Friend and he deserves to be happy!" Said Kevin.

"He doesn't love her, he only cares about himself!" Said Jonathan.

"Forget it! There's no point staying here listening to you blabbering!" Said Kevin.

Kevin got on his Motorcycle and started riding away.

"So long you stupid fool!" Said Kevin.

"Kevin!" Said Jonathan.

Then Haley returned with the clean clothes.

"Here are the clean clothes Jonathan. Sorry it took so long." Said Haley.

"It's okay Haley. Thanks." Said Jonathan.

"What's wrong?" Said Haley.

"Nothing. Well, it's about time for me to go. Goodbye Haley. See you later." Said Jonathan.

"Bye Jonathan. " Said Haley.

So Jonathan walked off and wondered what he should do next to try to impress Haley. He then bumped into a famous accordian player named Bob who was the Champion of the Show "Talent Search".

"Why hello there! What is your name?" Said Bob.

"Bob, My name is Jonathan. Is it a pleasure to meet you, I heard all about you on "Talent Search"." Said Jonathan.

"It's nice to you too Jonathan. By the way, Why the sad face? Is something wrong?" Said Bob.

"Well Bob, You see there is this girl I love named Haley and she is dating David, You know, The guy that you almost lost to on "Talent Search"? Anyways, I am trying to think of a way to impress her but I have ran out of ideas. What do you recommend?" Said Jonathan.

"Well, there is a Music Contest in Town tonight, maybe we could form a duo together and write a song then that would impress Haley." Said Bob.

"That's a great idea Bob! We will call ourselves "The Polka Masters"!" Said Jonathan.

"That's awesome! Now let's write a song quickly then we'll enter the contest." Said Bob.

"Okay, Let's get to work!" Said Jonathan.

After they wrote the song and entered the contest, They saw that David and Kevin entered the contest with their Hardcore-Punk Band "The Loud Shouters".

"Oh gosh, Look everyone! That moron Jonathan and that nerd Bob have entered the contest, they will lose the contest for sure! Hahahahah!" Said David.

"Just you wait David! The song me and Jonathan wrote is awesome and you will lose badly!" Said Bob.

"In your dreams losers!" Said David.

"Good evening everyone, the music contest is almost over. We have 2 more artists who will play then me and the Judges will decide the winner. First up, The Hardcore-Punk Band "The Loud Shouters" with their song "This is a Loud Song"." Said The Major.

The Loud Shouters got onstage and started to perform "This is a Loud Song".

"This is a loud song

Louder than King-Kong

Faster than anything you've every heard

I'm shouting really loud

And I feel really proud

And there won't be any guitar solos at all

This is a loud song

This is a loud song

This is a loud song

This is a loud song

This song is very short

If you don't like it

Go to Court!

Cause this song is over now fools!"

Then The Loud Shouters finished performing but the crowd started booing and throwing garbage at them.

"Boooooo! You suck David!" Said The Crowd.

"Oh come on! I put a lot of effort into writing that song!" Said David.

"Ummmm... Well, Thank You David! And now, It is time for the last performance

of the night! Put your hands together for an amazing Polka Duo "The Polka Masters! Performing for

the first time their song "Jokes Rule!"" Said The Major.

Jonathan and Bob got on stage and started their performance of "Jokes Rule".

"If you are in desperate need for a laugh

You can always trust Jokes

Because Jokes Rule

If you are ever bored and have nothing to do

You can always trust Jokes

Because Jokes Rule


Jokes Rule, Jokes Rule, Jokes Rule

Because they are cool

They make life better most of the time

You can always trust Jokes

Because Jokes Rule

If you get stuck in a traffic jam

You can always trust Jokes

Because Jokes Rule

If someone messes up your order at Mcdonald's

You can always trust Jokes

Because Jokes Rule

Repeat Chorus

Remember my friends

If you need a laugh trust Jokes

Because Jokes Rule

And they are so cool"

So Jonathan and Bob finished their performance and the crowd went wild and they all cheered. They really liked "Jokes Rule" a lot.

"We have a winner everyone, Is it "The Polka Masters"! Congradulations! You have just won a Million Dollars!" Said The Major.

"Thank You Major!" Said Jonathan.

Then Jonathan bumped into Haley.

"Jonathan! I loved the song that you performed with Bob. I have decided to dump David because he is rude and untalented. I love you Jonathan." Said Haley.

Then Jonathan and Haley started making out.


"Oh, shut up David! Why don't you write another loud song!" Said Haley.

Then Haley and Jonathan both started laughing.

So Jonathan and Haley became a couple and decided to give all the contest money to Bob.

He used it to start his own Polka Music Label called "Polka Inc". And they all lived happily ever after.

Except for David of course but nobody gives a crap about that loser so I will end the story now.


Like anyone cares David I'm ending this story right now.

The End