her vodka lullabies
[were never as good as his whiskey fairytales.]
it began on the Sabbath day
when I was bonnie and you were clyde
and we stole Smirnoff and Jack from the co-op
and bought a pack of gum to prevent suspicion
and squeezed our sweaty palms together -
young and in love and passionate fools.
strutting out of those sliding doors,
we were wendy and peter
about to fly away to nether land
to dance under the twilight and fight
pirates with hooks for hands and sneers for smiles
because we were invincible in that moment.
holding your hand as we half ran down that street
I was thumbelina and you were my flower prince
and you only laughed as I dragged you
into the road so I could pretend the cars
we weaved through were flowers setting under the sun
and their incensed beeps were silent to me,
little lost thumb girl I was.
your lips were feather soft
as they pecked mine and I transformed
from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan
and melted into the gravel of the alleyway
we'd veered onto like we were running away
from the creeping winter -
but I guess we were running from something else, really.
then you pulled my hand and I followed
you into this empty field where the grass
was dewy and it all looked surreal
and I didn't feel like anything except myself
because no fairy tale was this perfect
as you tenderly stroked my hair and led me
we sat upon the dewy grass facing each other
and the two stolen bottles separated us,
lying innocently on the green green grass
and you reached for the Jack and I took the vodka,
wondering if little Red would sprint out of
the surrounding almost-forest with a grandma wolf in tow
and I was almost disappointed when she didn't.
when we drank, I felt like jasmine
flying on aladdin's flying carpet because
everything blurred like we were moving really fast
and you were always my prince, singing
crummy versions of great songs and not caring
how bad you were because it always made me laugh.
at some point, I was snow white
and there were seven of you in front of me,
big eyed and I imagined you all as my dwarfs
going off to work with your pick axes and I waited
for the horrible witch to give me an apple and
I bit it and it was tastier that I'd care to admit.
I fell asleep as sleeping beauty
with the stars shining a witch's curse upon me
only there was no spindle and my prince
fell asleep beside me for one hundred years
and the dewy dewy grass stroked my neck
as my eyes flittered closed.
it was only later that I realised what we'd
run from in the alley where I was a beautiful swan,
after we woke up at sunrise singing one of my lullabies
and laid down next to each other as your voice
wove fairytales unlike any other and it saddened me
that even all of our tales couldn't hide reality
because I couldn't look at you then without seeing
her red red lips on your neck and those blue blue eyes
sneering at me across the room where I watched
all of your happy endings fade away
to be replaced by the bitter rhymes of my lullabies.
I left you on that field of paradise
with the empty bottles and memories and fairytales
and mentally sang a song that I can't remember
the words of but it made me cry even more
because no song of mine could ever
be anything like one of your tales.