That's what you said.
Sweat dripping from your shiny white forehead,
as you dropped the words like bombs over my trembling form.
I cried as I tried to fathom why you would say such a thing to the love of your life.
My heart still aches for your touch.
The way you used to hold me, your tantalizing hands dancing all over me.
Your lips follow close behind, trying desperately to match the pace and caliber of the dance moves your fingers came up with.
I tremble under you, but you don't seem to notice, I surrendered myself to your command.
You forced yourself inside of me and I let you be, made no objection whatsoever yet you still weren't satisfied, no. You had to have complete control. Tugging at my hair, pulling and pushing me every which way you wanted me to go, you strained my heartstrings with your heavy burden and it never complained, no, even it's dying throes, it praises your name.
You took complete control. My body, my heart, my mind, my soul. You took over me as a whole.
I didn't make a sound as you broke and entered, made a home inside my living form. I didn't respond to myself anymore. Everything I said or did or even thought belonged to you. I existed no more.
Everything from the hair atop my head, the decisions I take, the thoughts I think, the moves I make, the beating of my heart to the blood inside my veins. It was all you.
I made no complaint. I was content to be with you.
I did everything you asked. Lied to my friends, deceived my parents, ditched school, let you tie me up in public, obeyed your every command, with no questions asked.
I led myself to believe everything you did for me was out of love and not pity. I thought you cared about me. That's the way you made it appear to be. You were there when I was down. You picked me up off of the ground.
But now that I think back on it. The only reason you were nice to me was for sex. That's all you ever wanted. You wanted to feel in control. Take over my practically lifeless form. Give yourself the confidence and conditioning you needed. Scar my body and heart so that I'm never wanted.
That's what you made me believe I was. Like I meant nothing to the world. The equivalent to some small nameless bug. I let you step all over me and kill me many times over. You lied and laughed as I cried.
After you left, I was left completely bereft. Did you have any idea what you'd done? You'd pierced open my heart and made yourself a home in my veins. You'd contaminated my blood so that I was forever tainted. Your love had left me stained.
And I cry each night as I shred up my wrists, I've given a new name to masochists.
My eyes grow wide with morbid pride as I watch my blood run down my skin and into the sink. It's almost pretty, I dip my fingers into it and write poetry that's witty. No, I'm not looking for pity.
I cover my scars and hide them from inquiring eyes. No one will understand because none of it applies, to anything they have been through. So I devise a disguise to live behind. A shroud of insecurity covered by my happy cries, the world will never see, the monster inside me that I release, when I'm all alone.
Your words echo inside my head as I try so hard to shut you out. I cut and scream cut some more, and cry about all the things you said. I surround myself with people who don't know my past. Everyone's quick to judge and first impressions last. Being alone is what I dread. The monster I've tried to behead as I shred apart my veins and try to cut you out of my heart.
Nothing matters to you now. I don't even exist. Did you ever care at all? Even a little bit?
You've beaten me black and blue, molded me into a statue of lies and hurt and pain imbued. I used to answer to your every call, I'd made myself into a free-for-all.
But no more. This worthless soul will show the world, that scars and memories of the past, will make her all the more filled with worth.
I'll write your name into existence. I'll use metaphors and alliteration and anaphora and similes. I will capture your character and all of its anomalies.
All the things you've put me through, I'll use them to show you.
Worthless is not what I am.
I dream of the day in the future when I will find you once more. Remind you how I always loved you, despite how much you used and abused and threw me around. Don't deny, I made you feel alive.
And now, I will write and tell the world our story. Nothing you say is going to stop me. If I'm so worthless and mean so less, then the words I say shouldn't bother you a bit.
The world will read and they'll know the truth.
I'm not worthless. I never was.
All I did was love you.