I honestly think I have the worst luck in the universe. I think I was cursed by the cosmos when I was born. Nothing else would explain the ability I have to get into the worst situation, and usually the most dangerous ones. I deliberately try not to, and to stay safe, and then somehow I end up like I am now.
It's a miracle I'm still alive, but I think I won't be for much longer. You see, I'm stuck on Earth, and surrounded by humans. This wasn't at all how I thought I would die, away from home and surrounded by intelligent apes, but once more that's just my luck.
After my last near death experience involving a Jovian whale, I put in for reassignment. Everything looked like it was going well, and I was going to get that desk job back on my home planet. There there was a paperwork snafu. In short someone else got my safe job, and instead I got reassigned to culling the human livestock on Earth. Joy.
I was supposed to have the safe task of assisting with getting the team wrapped the their human skins. It was in this act that I was blatantly pushed by one of the team females as a "joke." Unfortunately I had already ready the skin capsule, and so I got her skin. To my "surprise" they couldn't remove the skin from me and put on her as it had already bonded to me.
That made me the newest member of the away team. I didn't even know anything other than the basics about the human livestock, but I had to go because six were needed to deploy the latest virus to cull the weakest of the planet. Of course there was only one other skin available and it was a male one, and any lame brain knows that humans get edgy, skittish, and potentially violent when there are too many males in a group.
I thought that maybe- maybe- I could go down release the virus, and get back with no issues, but no, not with my cosmically cursed self.
Everything was going ok. The landing was great, smooth, and undetected. We each got our part of the virus devise, and moved to our locations to maximise the effect without a hitch. Set up and pre fire check was great.
Then my curse kicks in. I'm in the middle of what they consider a "city", silly naive humans. I'm in place on top of this building, and my thing is all set up. I'm just waiting for the count down, and then to get sucked back up to the ship. Instead the gust of wind come up out of nowhere, and I fall off the building. I'm thinking that at least my death will be fast, and the virus will still deploy as a small comfort. Then I hit this cloth thing over a store. It breaks my fall, and I land in some ape's arms. He's grinning at me like an idiot.
I hear a faint beep and look up in horror. I see the the flash of light that was supposed to be my ride back up to the ship just after the virus deployed which is what that beep was. Now I'm stuck with these stupid apes!
"So what's a pretty lady like you doing falling out of the sky?"
I look at the human that's still holding me like I might continue to fall, not knowing I'm already a dead "alien" walking. Is he trying to woo me with their pathetic mating ritual? Regardless I know I need to get out of the city before I mess something else up or reveal my true nature.
Thinking of that... I don't even know when this skin is supposed to unbind from me! I royally screwed the pooch this time; thanks cosmos.
"Um, can you please put me down?" At least the beasts were taught common languages even if they slaughter it with their "accents."
"Sure thing, doll, but can I at least walk you to wherever you are going so i make sure you get there safe? If you fall again I'm guaranteed to catch you."
The ape was still smiling as he set me down, but held onto my waist. I bite my lip, and looked around. "I don't want to impose upon you. I have a long way to go."
"No problem, doll, I have the rest of my day free."
I wasn't going to get rid of the ape, but I could make use of him. "Look, I'm not from around here, and I am a bit lost. I was on the building trying to see where I am."
He hooked my arm in his, and smiled down on me, "Alex at your service, doll, I'll be your guide! Where do you need to go?"
"Out of the city." This actually made the ape frown.
"Like where to out of the city?"
I took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm not from the city, I'm from the country, and my... plane was delayed, and so I am stuck here for a while. I just want to be out of the city while I wait for a new plane."
"Gotcha, doll!" he said as he began to lead me off. "With all these cancellations with the airlines you could be stuck for a week. Let's take you out to the burbs, and get you a nice hotel. I spose with being from out in the boondocks you've never taken the metro, so just let me handle things."
He tugged me underground, and I was about to scream when I realized there were other humans going too. Instead I just shut up and watched as he went to a machine, got a plastic bit, and then lead me through some gates with the plastic. Soon we were on a smelly capsule, and the ape was still rambling. I nodded to pretend like I was paying attention as I was watching the other humans.
I hate to say it, but they didn't seem so bad. Sure they were stupid, smelly, little creatures, but they at least cared for each other, and seemed to be nice enough to help a stranger in need.
The ape Alex stood, and I follow suit. We left the capsule, and were above ground this time. We walked to a hotel, and the ape smiled.
"Alright, let's get you checked in, doll."
I froze beside him. There had to be some currency exchange involved with that. I had none as this wasn't to be an extended mission!
"I can take it from here, thank you so much for the assistance."
"Well, can i at least get your number, doll? Or a room number to call you at?"
Number? I was number six of the mission, but I'm sure that's not what he meant. "I-"
"Short on funds aren't cha?"
I blinked at the Ape, Alex. "I'm not sure-"
He hooked my arm again, and towed me in, "I'll get it, doll."
Next thing I know I'm standing in front of this door with the number 1611 on it. He put another plastic bit in the handle, and swung it open. He looked it over, and then turned to me.
"Alright, doll, I'll be back tomorrow at ten o'clock sharp, so be ready!" Then he was gone.
I tried to stretch, but the human skin had gotten tighter. I went into the bathroom, and looked it over to see if maybe it just needed water or something. As I activated the lighted status panel all I saw was TERMINATION. I knew exactly what that meant. The skin was tightening because it was getting ready to explode and destroy any evidence that I might not be an ape. I closed my eyes cursing the cosmos.
The skin was unbearably tight now, and I was gasping for any air even the polluted filth on this planet. I could already see the bathroom painted with my blood and the human skin fragments. It would be a mess, and then Alex would be sad. I wondered what my bones would look like or if they would disintegrate, and then there was nothing.