Andy was upset, that was new for her, she had been dumped, that wasn't so new. It was weird, she sat there in one of empty classrooms away now from her friends, and she was sad. She didn't ever get sad about being dumped, it had always seemed to happen so often. The girls she dated never seemed to go for open relationships and so they dumped her either when she broached the subject or when she forgot to.
Petra had been different.
Andy didn't have to chase girls, not really, she apparently had this innocent sort of allure that a surprisingly large number of people found irresistible. It was surprising, for them, to find out that they were wrong. But she had chased Petra.
Andy had been new at the school, having moved after some issues at the previous school, and she had found 'those'. It was not the description she used but one that was used in her presence. There was a whole group of girls who liked girls and not all of them were in relationships.
It would have been hard to classify Petra as one of them, but not inaccurate. She was cold and quiet, it was her way, and she didn't have any interest in anyone, no romantic interest at least. For some reason Andy had been drawn to her.
She had accidentally become friends with a number of the girls, she'd even become friends with Dexter, who was a friend of Petra's and part of the group by virtue of being friends with them all. He and his girlfriend were probably the only straight people Andy spent time with and he was probably the first male friend Andy had had.
Petra didn't like her then. That was totally and completely obvious, the other girl didn't mind Andy being friends with her friends, but she didn't like her. Andy was a happy person, always energetic and generally talkative. Petra was not.
Andy hadn't stood out quite so badly back then, but then they all graduated, leaving Andy and Petra in the school without the rest. Except for Dexter. Dexter had been kept back despite being having a practically genius level intellect. He didn't attend enough classes to pass.
It had just been Andy and Petra, by that point they had been together for some time and while Petra hadn't brightened in the slightest Andy had been forced to calm down, to be subdued. It hadn't been quite her fault when it finally happened, they lived in the same direction and so they would take the bus home together and Petra would sit by the window and wait for it to start raining while Andy was forced to stay quiet.
She would sit calmly beside the girl she was near obsessed with and try her best not to annoy her, which was all she ever seemed able to do. The mere feat of managing to sit calmly at all was something of an achievement for her, but she didn't notice at all, instead focusing on the fact that Petra didn't.
And then one day, on their way to the bus stop Petra asked her, out of the blue. "You still want to have sex, right?"
It was not even a little bit how Andy had expected that to go, but when she thought back to it, while she had asked the girl out and been rejected, she had also talked to her friends about her past. She had talked about the way she was with relationships and while it wasn't what she really wanted with the girl walking beside her, it was a start.
To say they were going out would have been misleading, but they certainly got along much better after that, Andy was barely even compelled to tell everyone all about it. She was nagged insistently until Petra gave her the okay, but she didn't spill on her own.
It had been something of a natural progression from mostly casual sex with one girl into an almost steady relationship, which Andy had of course been compelled to fuck up.
She lay on a table in an empty room and reflected on all the ways the breakup was her own fault and it made her sad. She had been responsible for every single one of her breakups in the past, she hadn't instigated them but they had all been because of her, but it had never bothered her before. It bothered her this time.
Ash thought she could just waltz in and convince Petra to dump her, and it had happened, it wasn't Andy being depressed, both girls had admitted that Ash had suggested it. They weren't going to go out now or anything, so why was Andy now free of the only girlfriend she had ever badly wanted to keep?
That was why it bothered her, she was sure, she didn't know why they had broken up, not yet at least.
Keegan sat silently, as was her way, in the room with Andy and did not offer any condolence or any sympathy or support. She probably wouldn't have known how, Andy reflected and in that reflection she realised how much she and Keegan had in common. Andy had never really been good with people, especially not with emotion. Keegan was complex in her reasons for the same. Andy was just naturally unable but that wasn't true of Keegan, it had been beaten out of the girl.
"Keegan?" Andy asked from where she lay prone of the table.
The girl didn't reply but Andy knew from experience that she was hardly free for the girl's rapt attention. To say that she had been obsessed with Petra paled when it was compared with Keegan, who had barely left Andy alone since the pair had met. But she didn't talk, she barely felt like another person most of the time. Most.
"Are you a lesbian or are you just obsessed with me?" Andy asked her friend.
Keegan was quiet and Andy thought she wasn't going to answer. "I… don't know," Keegan eventually said, her voice hesitant and quiet as it always was. She didn't talk much or often because of her mother, but that was a different story.
Andy didn't have a response for that, she was certain she didn't actually want the fiery haired girl, but she wanted something and her friend was the closest. It was a terrible reason, she knew, she shouldn't have done it, but she couldn't ever really help it. Her ability came from her desire, that was the whole point, maybe it had started with something else, but it was desire now.
"Do you want to have sex with me?" Andy asked, as if talking to the empty room there was no response once more. Andy sat up and looked at her friend, who was thinking about it. She had expected Keegan to nod vigorously and start stripping right there and then.
But as she often forgot, Keegan did have a mind of her own, she did think about things and this was one of the things she undoubtedly thought about. It should have been obvious that she wouldn't just shirk her clothes and eat Andy out there on the table, even if that had been what Andy had wanted her to do. Just to get it out of her system if nothing else.
But Keegan didn't want nothing else. "I… don't want… to be your rebound," the girl finally concluded. She had a tendency to take pauses in her speech to check that she was saying the right thing, when it came to her friend she didn't have to be saying the right thing, but it was a habit she had.
It should have been what Andy had expected, but it wasn't for whatever reason, she had given in to everyone's tendency to assume that the girl had no mind of her own. She, best of all, should have known that the notion was not correct, but she hadn't thought about it.
With a sigh she lay back down. "I know that should have been obvious," she told her friend. "But I was kind of hoping you would eat me out in the table during lunch and then we would go back to just being friends."
Keegan actually laughed, it was a rare enough event to have Andy look at her friend, she was laughing but she wasn't happy. She was laughing for the reason she laughed at her mother from time to time. She had thought there for a moment that it was going well, maybe her mother wouldn't get angry, maybe someone wouldn't assume that just because she didn't talk meant that she would do whatever she was asked.
It seemed it wasn't to be.
"I'm sorry," Andy told the girl, honest as she always was. As she sat up and looked at her friend, she probably would have hugged the girl if Keegan hadn't been quite so adverse to physical contact. "I know that you are your own person, but I'm just really frustrated, and I don't even know why she broke up with me."
Keegan of course didn't say anything. Andy was well aware of the girl's opinion of Petra, but still she kept talking to her friend about her girlfriend. Keegan listened only because she didn't want to talk, it wasn't the other way around, which people tended to think. Keegan listened to Andy because she was obsessed, Andy knew that. But still she talked about her girlfriend.
Keegan knew all of the frustration Andy had had with Petra but she never offered advice.
Andy wanted to talk to Ash, who seemed to be able to magically spout good advice without being able to ever know what to do when something similar happened to her. But Keegan didn't like Ash either, it was mostly the girl's own fault, given Ash's tendency to side with Petra, and her similarity to the other girl.
Keegan, if she was honest – which she was when she spoke – didn't like the fact that Andy had any friends at all other than herself. But she was aware of her motivation in this and was more than willing to try her best to suppress it. She didn't like the fact that she was obsessed with her friend, but she was aware of it.
"Do you want to do something on the weekend perhaps?" Andy suggested, her friend nodded. "I guess that makes the most sense, I should just talk to her shouldn't I?"
That question was mostly rhetorical as Andy knew Keegan wouldn't support the notion, or at least she was reasonably certain of it. Keegan nodded in a rather resigned sort of way. Even her overprotective and jealous friend knew she should talk to the girl who was now her ex, it meant she really did need to talk to her.
She wasn't great at talking.