Friday, October 12, 2012

Katelyn,

These are the words I wish I could say, but can't. In the course of the past four years, I have been tormented by you. Before you read anymore, I should say that you can be very kind if you want to be. When you don't, well. I know –better than most people- what you are like when you are upset.

I'm never going to send this to you, of course. I am doing this as a sort of therapy. Saying the words just to say them, to hear myself talk, so to speak. When I was in your car with you today on the way back home, Emily and I were squashed up against each other, and you would push me whenever I got within an inch of you. Pinching my arm and pushing me isn't going to help, sorry.

I have been sick of this, Katelyn. Whenever I take a stand and tell you exactly what is on my mind, you laugh and make me feel like a fool.

"Is it that time of the month?"

"Calm down, it's just a joke."

"Wow, take a chill pill."

"Dude, anger issues."

Well, let me tell you this: it is NOT a joke, it's bullying. I don't know why you do it, by my suspicion is that putting other people down makes you feel better about yourself. Believe me, you can be a great person; you can be my best friend, but the bullying HAS GOT TO STOP.

Today in your car, I sneezed, just after you pinched my arm. Emily said "Bless you," like normal people, and when I looked at her to say thank you, she smiled. And in that smile, I could see that she was with me, she didn't appreciate how you were acting either. And that one smile filled me with such a happy sadness that a lump formed in my throat.

There are so many things that you have done to me, and I am happy that I have the self-will –and the low pain tolerance- to keep from hurting myself. If I was mentally unstable, I would have buried myself in drugs and alcohol, or just cut myself.

Some of the many things you have tormented me about:

My friendship with Simon

The boys I have crushes on

The people I have dated

My body type and eating habits

My nerdy personality

Trying not to keep this terribly negative, these are some things you have done that have been nice:

Taken me to Scary Wood

Invited me to your house on several occasions

Shared some of your own secrets

Tried to help me get a good social start.

Sincerely, your tormented friend,

Ivy