This is based on my real experiences.

Just for reference guys:

The Six Musketeers: (that was us, by the way. A bunch of over-achievers who became close 'cause we were all in the honor roll XD)

Beth – short for Elizabeth

Jem – short for James

Jam – short for Jamie

Riah – short for . . . well, her name really is Riah (lol XD)

Drew – short for Destry

Jadah – short for the (very manly) name Jadis (he really is a dude, just so you guys know) (pronounced ha-DAH, and yes, Jadah is kinda wierd)

A Love Letter to my Best Friend

To my dearest friend,

I didn't know what to say to you that day.

Do you still remember what happened? I do; very, very well, actually.

We were working on our presentation for Drama class. I wonder if you still have your copy of the one-act play we wrote together while eating chocolate and marshmallows? I still do.

I'm pretty sure everybody from our class was there that day, if only to hang out by Drew's pool and eat her free food. It seems as though everything happened in Drew's house.

I will never forget the way you looked at Drew, and how differently you looked at me. Even then, before you even knew it yourself, it was obvious to me that you had feelings for her. It was so very ironically obvious.

That day started out really fun. I really enjoyed being with every one of our friends, but I mostly enjoyed it because you never once left my side. It got even better when we started gambling with pieces of chocolate Kisses over a game of Monopoly. I guess all the fun and laughter was what made the end all the more painful.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever noticed that Drew was my dear friend as well.

You loved her; that much was obvious from the very beginning. I never once dared to get in your way. In fact, I was your number one fan. Who supported you with all her strength, despite the pain? Who comforted you when you were hurting? Who convinced Drew that she ought to give you a chance?

I did, of course.

I don't know how, but you figured out I had feelings for you. I didn't know it then. It took me two years to find out that Drew was the one who told you.

I was eating popcorn with Jadah (because you refused to share with him and I knew he wouldn't be able to finish it himself) when you pulled me aside and said you had to talk to me.

You were wearing your "serious face", so I knew something was up, but I had no idea how big the bomb was until you dropped it into my hands.

"We're just friends." You said to me right after we were out of ear shot, "You understand that right?"

The pain came after the surprise. How you could ever have been so blunt, I don't know. You told me straight away that you knew of my feelings, and that you didn't return them. You told me that you loved me only as a best friend, even a sister. You told me you loved me, but not that way.

I didn't cry when you told me. I only cried after you walked out of the room, and let me tell you, I cried like my heart was breaking, because it was.

About ten minutes after, Riah came in, looking for me, wondering why you and I were no longer joined at the hip. When she saw tear – lined face, she pulled me up and we stormed out of Drew's house, but not before she gave you a black eye and a bloody nose.

We didn't talk after that day. It was especially awkward because you couldn't look me in the eye and I couldn't look at you without choking on tears. I didn't think being your seat – mate (in all our classes, because we shared all eight periods), lab partner, and co – president could have gotten any harder.

I was wrong.

During the day of our "Dead Silence", I started receiving little notes and gifts from a secret admirer. Even if I knew they couldn't possibly be from you, it didn't stop me from hoping.

You finally broke the silence when you punched Jam in the face for sending the notes and gifts. I screamed at you, called you a "bastard" and a "jerk", before calling leaving the classroom with a bloody Jam in tow.

The next day's awkwardness between Jam, you, and I was so terrible that Riah and Drew (she was still oblivious then) refused to sit with us during lunch.

I know now that avoiding you was wrong and immature, but then avoiding you was the only thing I thought I could do to help. I transferred seats in class, I traded lab partners so I was paired with Jam instead, and handed in my letter of resignation from being student council president.

This continued for another three years, until after we graduated high school and moved on to college. I eventually got over you. I dated Jam until we became official, Riah was with Jadah, and Drew shot you down. Thrice.

Alas the Six Musketeers had disbanded. We all still kept in touch, except for you. You distanced yourself from your friends, you began failing in class, you got into a lot of trouble. We were worried, but we let you be because we thought it was for the best. Man, were we wrong.

I honestly thought my heart would jump out of my chest if I wasn't careful, so I clutched my chest the entire car ride to the hospital.

When we got there, I ran out and in through the doors before Jam could even brake, Riah and the others at my heels.

God, Jem, did you really have to jump in front of a speeding car? Like it wasn't bad enough that you broke my heart before, did you really have to do it again?

My memory of that time is hazy, but the others said that I smashed a glass (still full of water) over your head before promptly having a nervous breakdown. Apparently, I was hysterical when I came to, so they had to sedate me, but I seem to recall a fuzzy image where you were all crying. Even Jadah.

You were discharged seven weeks later. During the months it took for you to recover, the Six Musketeers reunited. It was as if nothing had changed. I never left your side during that time. It got even better when your physical therapist said that you would be able to walk after a few weeks of physical therapy. During one of your sessions, you kissed me like I used to dream you would, but the tables had turned. It was my turn to tell you that I didn't feel the same way. I loved Jam (still do), but not you.

You nodded, saying "I'm very happy for the both of you." You made me promise not to tell Jam, because you wanted to confess to him yourself. I agreed.

Two days later, I chocked on my coffee when Jam asked me who the better kisser was. You both laughed after.

That was two years ago (October 12th, 2010). Now, I'm sitting at my desk, typing this. It's really late, but I can't sleep. Maybe it's just the pre-wedding jitters, but I feel that if I can't admit this publicly (but anonymously) I might not make it down the aisle tomorrow (or later, since its past midnight). At least now it's all off my chest.

I love you Jem!

But only as my best friend.

With Love,

Beth