Every day I remember that you're not here. Every day I recall the day that I had heard about your death. Even though I moved on and eventually fell apart, I still wonder how my life would have changed if that day never happened. If you had never fallen apart before me. If only we had been smarter we could be sitting together now on this porch at the end of the world.
Though I regret not attending the service, I still sent flowers and best regards. You're brother was there and understood my absence. He was such a fine fellow for the days that I had spent with him. I wish that I could have gotten to know him better though. It's a shame that the good die young. Young or innocent, really. Maybe if both of you survived we could be sitting together now on this porch at the end of the world.
The sunlight bathes little Mackey every time I watch her play in the yard. It pains me to know that she is dying inside. No, she's not sick. It's just that she seems to miss you more than anyone she's ever met. It was you who picked her up from the pound after all. It was you that helped her through all those fights she got into with dogs. Whenever she leans against my legs and purrs softly, it makes me wish that she could be happy. Maybe then she would sit on my lap now on this at the end of the world.
Just like little Mackey and your brother, I have missed you dearly. When news of the accident spread throughout our family, I just knew that things would never be the same. It always tears me apart knowing that these people that you've known all your life – these people that have been there for you know that the world that you live in personally is dying. It's a cold feeling. It makes me wish that the world really was dying. Sadly, though, that would leave little Mackey and I wouldn't want that. If it was only her than who would watch her? Who would feed her? Who would love her? What will become of her when I'm gone? It's thoughts like these that run through my head as I sit alone now on this porch at the end of the world.
Chemotherapy was a big step for us, you know. Remember those nights that you stayed up with me to make sure I wasn't depressed? To make sure I was feeling alright? That's what made our marriage and love work. It made the passion between us stronger and made us the ultimate beings we could be. The passion that two lovers, such as you and I, share defines who they are. It is a powerful thing. It makes us unordinary. It makes us cheerful and kind and caring and loving and everything else that we've never been. But now that the passion is gone and I'm defined no longer, I can only wonder what else I can do as I now sit on this porch at the end of the world.
Maybe you're better off above. Maybe the good lord will keep you safe and out of harm's way. Hopefully he'll send me a message that you're alright. I promised myself to go to church for the first time in years to pray for you. Sadly, that day never came and I still don't know if you're happy. Are you happy? I hope you are. At least one of us should be happy at the end of the world.
It's tragic, but at the same time it's funny. We walk through life when death is waiting for us. Everyone knows that we die eventually. Everyone understands it and some even welcome it. Those that are careless; those that seem to be ignorant to fate staring into their souls; that is what worries me: that future generations will not learn from our mistakes. It makes you wonder what they'll do to change the world, for better or for worse. Maybe they'll become president or king of the world while some others grow old and frail, living like a failure as they sit on their porch at the end of the world.
Yes, I know I digress, but I would just like to let you know how blessed I feel to be able to have known you. Soon we'll be united, whether the divine agree with our destinies, but until then I just want to express the feelings that I feel. I love you more than anything. Mackey does too. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have felt like I had accomplished anything in life. It feels like my purpose was fulfilled when I finally placed that ring on your finger and brought you into my arms. It's then that I realized what bliss truly was like. It's then that I knew I would be happy when I would go and sit on this porch at the end of the world.